


Crash Course

by magalix3



Category: GOT7
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Drama, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-09-21 11:50:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 54,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9547889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magalix3/pseuds/magalix3
Summary: Youngjae has a massive crush on Jaebum. Im Jaebum; who’s sexy, intelligent, wears leather, has piercings, rides a motorcycle, is secretly an adorable goof, and makes Youngjae want to take initiative with his life.Im Jaebum; the unattainable.Im Jaebum; Youngjae’s Biology professor.





	1. Intro to Romance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> side pairings: yugbam and markjin

Red Alert!

Youngjae’s professor is _hot as fuck._

Professor Im looks like something that’s walked out of Youngjae’s bad boy wet dreams. If Youngjae could place a person to encompass his ‘type’ it’s all of Professor Im. It’s everything from the slight press of his eyebrows, like he’s studying every student in the room. It’s his confident stride, it’s his fucking leather jacket and motorbike helmet. It’s the beautiful slope of his perfect nose, his strong jaw, his pretty fuckin’ fingers.

Youngjae isn’t one to feel this type of lustful attraction, he’s the kind of person that doesn’t even kiss first date, probably couldn’t emotionally handle a one-night stand, but Professor Im walks in and every part - let me reiterate that. Every. Part - of Youngjae stiffens up. He apparently has a thing for older men (age pending, it’s not like the professor’s birthdays are listed on the syllabus) that have earlobes full of piercings (Youngjae has none and has no plans for one) who carry around motorcycle helmets. Black matte helmets with a blue trim and Youngjae’s in love. He’s swooning, floating up above cloud nine before Professor Im even gets a chance to drop his bag at his desk. 

Professor Im clears his throat and Youngjae’s at full attention. The student at his side, his friend Jackson, is paying full attention to _him_. Youngjae had stopped listening to his babbling as soon as the professor walked in and Jackson’s piecing A and B together in a snap. He grins a sleazy grin and Youngjae knows he’s going to get an earful of this later. There’s no escaping the wrath of Jackson.

So Youngjae drops his textbook into his lap to hide his inopportune boner as he tries not to imagine Professor Im telling him to get on his knees in that husky voice of his.

“Someone needs to get laid.” Jackson teases, chewing the cap of his pen through his shit-eating grin. “I didn’t know you were so needy, my little sweet, innocent otter.”

Youngjae buries his face in his hands, trying to ignore the bass of Jackson’s voice. He’s whispering, but Youngjae’s worried that one of the students are going to hear about his currently inappropriate predicament.

“Youngjae Choi.” Professor Im says smoothly, eyes grazing the mass of students in the lecture hall.

Youngjae’s throat goes dry. Jackson has to help him get his hand in the air while he makes an undignified squawk of a noise to signify his presence. He’s here. He’s here and he’s hard and he’s sparking under the skin, Professor Im’s gaze lingering on his student for what feels like an eternity, knocking the breath out of Youngjae’s lungs. Im wears his expression as slightly troubled, slight inquisitive. His lips stay pressed together, not twitching even a little bit as he tries to sort out the faces to the names on his attendance sheet. 

Professor Im breaks the gaze after a moment to move to the clipboard in his hand, checking off that Choi Youngjae is present. His sleeves are long, left unbuttoned around his delicate wrists. Youngjae can see light gleaming against silver bracelets that tangle from his fair skin. Oh, shit, Youngjae’s _frustrated_. And the professor is expressionless, face set evenly as he goes over the one-page, one-sided syllabus. Halfway through his skimming of the attendance policy (which is just a few elegantly worded sentences that pretty much state that he doesn’t give a fuck if the students show up or not) Professor Im lets his gaze jump from the page and to the student that’s still staring at him, fire burning the air between them.

Youngjae tries to tone it down. He can’t gage his professor, not by his almost-lazy drawl as he speaks, or his eyes. Which is terrifying because Youngjae’s pretty sure his whole wide-eyed and stiff expression reads **I have a hard-on thinking of you** like a lighthouse in the night. And the way that Professor studies him in the way he does makes Youngjae think that his feelings might be too damn obvious. But he can’t tell because Professor Im holds back all his emotions behind an impressive wall.

~ * ~ * ~

“All the times you’ve had an inappropriate boner. Go!”

Bambam stares at Jackson, the blond guy with adorably round eyes and an even more adorable pout, and looks pretty surprised by the choice of topic. “The fuck?”

Jackson’s not one to shy away from weirdo or personal topics, he’ll talk about anything and everything, he’ll lay out his life timeline if given the chance, so he flows on with his topic of choice, “I got a boner once on a plane, it was really awkward, but the flight attendant -”

“Anyway.” Bambam turns towards Youngjae, his roommate, but is cut off with Jackson again.

“Youngjae’s most inappropriate boner happened today in Biology class. Took one look at the professor and that was it.”

Bambam pauses, then looks at his roommate. Yugyeom, Bambam’s boyfriend, sniggers. The two of them are a cute couple, both with thin builds, but Yugyeom is tall and brunet, Bambam is short and, well, today’s he’s got pink hair. A soft shade of pink that’s been washed out by a few showers. The blond is starting to stick out at the ends of his hair. 

“What? I didn’t know you even _felt_ those kinds of feelings.” 

Youngjae frowns, “Just because I don’t have a boyfriend to go at it with every night doesn’t mean -”

“It’s not _every_ -”

“Yeah, Youngjae’s pretty much my roommate now.” Jackson interjects, his passion for teasing Youngjae has pretty much simmered down now that he has a new target: YugBam’s sex life.

Yugyeom brings his book to cover his face, hiding his blush. The campus library is not a good place for this kind of convo, and Jackson’s slowly getting louder and louder. So they cut it there, turning back to their books. Jackson slides his chair closer to Youngjae and they look over the book together, until Yugyeom’s speaking up again, not at all motivated to do his Algebra assignment. 

“What professor do you have?”

“Professor Im.”

“Oh, I know him. I had him last semester for Biology. He always makes that face,” Yugyeom scrunches up his face, making a very exaggerated sour expression. Youngjae wants to jump to Professor Im’s rescue and tell Yugyeom he’s being ridiculous, that is _not_ Professor Im’s actual face, but decides quickly that it’d be a little pathetic of him to do that. So Youngjae allows it to slide. “He doesn’t just have resting bitch face, he _is_ resting bitch face.”

“But is he hot?” Bambam asks.

“Super. Smokin’ hot. He -”

“Okay, okay, got it.”

“Moving on,” Jackson cuts off the couple’s banter. “Youngjae has a gross crush and I say we do something about it.”

“What?!” Youngjae squeaks, the sound of his high-pitched horror echoing to all the corners of the study lounge. Some students glance in his direction, at the bright-red student that’s trying to burrow into his university hoodie. He successfully gets his arms in the sweater and then he’s pulling the hood over his head and Yugyeom says,

“Y’know, he gives extra credit to students that go to tutoring. Apparently he checks the sign in sheets. And if you’re brave enough, I hear he’s serious about his office hours. If you show up he’ll tutor you and give you hints for the exams.”

Jackson elbows their friend that’s hiding away in his clothes. “Did you hear that? Go to his office. Get that _extra credit_.” 

“What he means is,” Bambam chimes in, smiling, “Suck his dick for an A.” The three friends laugh mirthfully. Youngjae just wants to die.

 

But later, as he’s packing his things away, he takes a peek at the syllabus and makes a mental note that his schedule lines up with Professor Im’s office hours on Mondays and Wednesdays.

~ * ~ * ~

Every time Youngjae struggles with the reading or a question on the assignments, he hears Yugyeom in the back of his head telling him that Professor Im does tutoring in his office. He hears Jackson telling him to go for it. He hears Bambam telling him to suck Professor Im’s dick. That’s usually when Youngjae shoves his books and notebooks away to let his forehead drop against the desk. He’s never felt so bothered by someone. This is bad.

Youngjae takes his things one day to the tutoring center, but the sciences table is full and the next tutor doesn’t come in for another hour. Youngjae takes his books to the library, hoping to get away from Bambam and his cartoons back at the dorm to someplace more quiet where he can focus better. Eventually he gets to a part in the text where not even the diagram is making sense to him. Youngjae sets his resolve right then and tells himself this is ridiculous. His grades shouldn’t suffer because of his fickle emotions. So he sets out to Professor Im’s office. 

The faculty building isn’t too far from the library. It’s one of the oldest buildings on campus, the door creaks as he slides it open, the stairwell complains as he climbs to the fourth floor. 

Some professors have things hanging outside their offices; photos, magazine covers, leftover tinsel from the past holiday season. It makes Youngjae think of the doors back in the dorm, or of his old locker in high school. He gets to Professor Im’s door and sees that it’s bare, there’s only a placard with his name and department on it, just like every other door is mandated to have. 

The door isn’t shut all the way, ajar just enough for Youngjae to spot a corner of the office. It’s small, not very personal. Youngjae can see the corner of his desk, it’s facing the entry. The large black leather chair is empty. But Youngjae knocks anyway, hand heavy and knuckles cracking almost painfully against the door. He prays that Professor Im isn’t in here. Because then at least he could say he _tried_ to prove that he can think with more than just his dick.

His prayers are not answered. There’s a soft rumble of Professor Im’s sultry voice ringing out, “Come in.”

Youngjae pushes the door open, feet sliding against the tile as he forces himself into the office. Professor Im isn’t sitting in his chair, nor in the worn loveseat pushed against the wall, but he’s sitting on the floor, cross legged and surrounded in papers. He looks relaxed, his dark blue tie pulled loose around his neck, his sleeves rolled up to the elbows. Youngjae watches the flex of his arms as the professor reaches for a stack of papers on the floor before him. 

And then he _smiles_. It’s dopey and sunshiney and his upper lip gets tucked back, but it reaches his eyes and his ears twitch from the effort that’s put into the smile.

Youngjae’s whole world comes crashing at his feet. 

Did Professor Im just get even more impossibly gorgeous with a smile? How is this possible?

“Youngjae, how can I help you?”

His senses spin into disarray. Youngae? _Youngjae_? Did his professor just call him by his first name? Some random student in the middle of what has to be almost a hundred student lecture? Professor Im doesn’t even take attendance every day. What has he done to deserve such an honor? This is surreal. Youngjae must be wearing a nametag, maybe he left on his work badge?

One quick and floundering hand to his chest has him realizing, no, he isn’t wearing his nametag. Professor Im remembered him out of a sea of a hundred students.

Youngjae needs to sit down to process this.

The longer and longer he’s silent for, the more and more Professor Im’s totally bright and doofy smile, falls. It doesn’t fit his stoic demeanor at all, and only makes Youngjae’s stupid crush grow even more.

“Can I help you?” He asks again, getting to his feet. 

“I - um,” Youngjae drops his backpack to the floor and yanks his notebook from it, nearly ripping the inner lining. “I wanted to ask you something. Something about the homework.”

Professor Im dusts off his jeans and motions for the chair at his desk. He gets into the leather one and Youngjae sits in the seat on the other side, a cushiony chair with four legs instead of wheels. He pulls it forward until his knees are crammed between it and the desk. And Professor Im waits patiently while Youngjae bumbles nervously to pull his things from his bag. He feels so ridiculous, heart racing and palms sweaty. He knows it’s all in his head, but the air feels thick. It’s too hot and too stuffy. Professor Im watches him with those beautiful eyes of his, patient. His skin glows off the sunlight that pours in through the window behind him. His hair looks soft, he’s looking so gentle. A devil in disguise as an angel.

Youngjae directs his attention to other things, like the book in front of him. He opens to the earmarked page and points to the diagram. Professor Im leans over the desk, the definition in his arms flexing as he shifts to get a closer look at the view. The bones of his clavicle are delicate, peeking teasingly at Youngjae from the unbuttoned front of his black shirt.

Once again, Youngae tries to direct his attention to something else. Instead of looking at the text he looks up at his professor, who is skimming the paragraph. He reaches for the cup of pens on the corner of his desk, his long fingers… nice fingers... curling around one. The he points to the diagram and Youngjae follows the trace of Professor Im’s veins from his elbow to his knuckles, swallowing dryly. 

Who’s idea was this? This was a bad idea. A Bad Idea.

Youngjae yanks his stare away and notices a framed photo on the desk of a small, cute cat with a brown face and paws. Besides it is another photo of the same cat, and Professor Im holding her. Professor Im looks just as hot in the photo as he does in real life.

“Awww, what a cutie.” Youngjae totally cuts his professor off, who stumbles mid sentence and looks up at his student, bewildered. But his student is not looking at him, he’s looking at the cat. 

“That’s Nora.”

“She’s the cutest!”

Youngjae had come here for tutoring, but you wouldn’t believe how little tutoring actually happens for the first hour. It starts as, “I have a dog, Coco, she’s a maltese.” And goes for a long time.

“You do?” Professor Im chuckles, throaty and sexy. “My friend, Mark, has a dog named Coco.”

Youngjae laughs and takes the photo of Nora to look at her more closely. “Well, Mark and I must be soulmates.”

“He works here on campus.” Professor Im laughs, but Youngjae is pulling out his phone and shifting through his camera roll. He has photos and videos of Coco, a small bundle of white that hates bathtime and sleeps under the covers with him. She’s at home with his parents who live in Massachusetts. Youngjae is delighted to find out that Professor Im lives in Orlando and has an apartment not too far off from campus. 

Professor Im pulls out his phone, and with each video of Nora doing normal cat things; swatting at the curtains, chewing on a toy mouse, getting herself stuck on top of the fridge at three am and crying until Professor Im goes to tease her before getting her down, Youngjae falls more and more in love. 

He falls more and more in love with Professor Im, in case that wasn’t clear. He’s loved Nora since he laid eyes on her. Love at first sight, with a cat. Lust at first sight, with his Biology Professor. This is Youngjae Choi’s life.

~ * ~ * ~

Hell happens twice a week, Mondays and Wednesdays, at 11:25 in the morning until 12:45 in the afternoon. One hour and twenty minute blocks where Youngjae attempts to listen to Professor Im talk about shit that’s really important to his major and future. Youngjae’s notes come out crooked, because he barely looks down at them long enough to see where the lines actually are as he writes. He feels like a creep, but he can’t keep his eyes off of Professor Im. When he’s at his dorm later in the evenings, Bambam avoids him as he aggressively takes a pen to a clean sheet of paper to rewrite his notes.

Professor Im always smiles at Youngjae when he enters the classroom. It’s small, nothing at all like the one he receives when he visits Professor’s office on Wednesday evenings. Youngjae’s friends tease the fuck outta him for it. Especially Jackson, who always enters class with him and sits at his side.

After a few weeks of these one on one meetings, Youngjae barely understands his own feelings. He has a massive crush on his professor, he knows this, but they’re… _friends_. As in, he finds himself telling why he came to Florida from Massachusetts, which isn’t because he was looking to break away and party, but because he’s having issues at home. His father is strict and callous, his mother is depressed, and their crumbling marriage is breaking apart the family. He’s on the second half of his second year and if you checked his text messages, he only messages his siblings on birthdays and days he’s picked up at the airport. These are siblings he used to once be close with.

After nearly dumping his heart out one day, Youngjae is stunned by the compassion overflowing from his professor’s eyes. To top it off, he places a hand on Youngjae’s arm and gently rubs his thumb there. Youngjae tells himself it must be one sided, that his whole body heats up at the touch. It’s so innocent, meant to be supportive, but Youngjae’s been dreaming of his teachers hands being on him in other places. 

Professor Im notices the small jump, but doesn’t pull his hand away. “I’m here to talk to you, whatever you need. This is a safe space.” 

Youngjae knows this, he can see all the stickers the board behind the professor. He knows that’s a professor’s job, to be there for their students, so he feels shitty hearing it. All the stickers _say_ it’s a safe space - all the certifications and awards he’s worked hard for says that he’s there for his students without him needing to say it himself. And Youngjae has definitely noticed the one that reads ‘LGBTQ Safe Space’ on it. He can feel it staring at him as they study together. But Youngjae finds that he trusts his Professor, and he wants to talk to him about this.

“It’s weird because I know my parents don’t like gay people, and I know they wouldn’t accept me, so I had to get as far away as I could. I couldn’t… I couldn’t accept myself with them hovering over me. They didn’t get it, they wanted me close, because we’re already so far away from our family in Korea, but I couldn’t… be there anymore...” Youngjae gushes, unsure of where this confession came from. But it’s probably the first time he’s said it outloud since he left, and it hurts. “I came to this school to run away.”

Professor Im’s expression does not change, not even in the slightest. He sighs and keeps his hand on Youngjae’s, which doesn’t seem professional but Youngjae’s not complaining. He’s definitely not complaining. The pad of Jaebum’s palm is warm against the back of Youngjae’s hand, their fingers resting over each others. It wouldn’t take much effort to intertwine their fingers.

“My parents sent me to live with my Grandparents in Korea my first two years of high school.” Professor Im says suddenly, melodic voice gentle. “Because I realised my sexual orientation at a young age, and made the mistake of coming out to them. I came back only because my Grandparents passed away. Things were weird here for a long time after that, my parents didn’t know how to accept me, or if they wanted to. So I left for college.”

Youngjae’s fucking dizzy with this information. “Do you… do you talk to them?”

Professor Im smiles, there’s hope in his eyes. “We do. We’re on good terms now.”

The silence that settles around them is comfortable, Youngjae soaking in the hope that his teacher’s small story gives him. He speaks only when Professor Im moves back, breaking contact. The spot where his hand had been feels too cold, and the chill that comes in gives Youngjae goosebumps.

Then, he says, “Thank you, teacher.” In Korean, a language he only speaks at home. 

Professor Im smiles and replies in Korean as well, “I know my job to be here for the students, but don’t think I’m doing this because I have to. This is what I want to do.”

Youngjae feel giddy, confetti raining in his stomach. “Thank you, seonsaengnim.” Even saying it in multiple languages doesn’t feel like enough.

Professor Im smiles that perfect smile of his. “Jaebum. My name is Jaebum.” He rips a sticky note from the stack on his desk and writes out a string of numbers. Youngjae holds his breath as his professor says, “This is my personal cell. Don’t share it. But text me if you need anything.”

~ * ~ * ~

Youngjae sticks to calling Jaebum seonsaengnim. Because ‘Jaebum’ is too casual, like they’re friends and not teacher and student, and ‘professor’ makes his gut twist because it reminds him that’s exactly what they are - teacher and student. And that reminds Youngjae that his feelings are forbidden. That everything he daydreams about is forbidden. He won’t even text him, just sends him a baseless text with his name so that Jaebum has his number, too.

But Jaebum helps him with his Biology once a week and will sit with him for any time from an hour to three or four. Half of the time it feels like they’re just hanging out, it’s casual, and Youngjae can’t help but stare half the time. He lands a 96/100 on his first exam. Jackson comes with him to the next tutoring and Professor Im smiles like he does when Youngjae shows up, welcoming and warm. Jackson is momentarily stunned because Jaebum doesn’t smile in class. 

At the end of that class, Professor Im touches base with both of his students. He wants some one-on-one so he can get a feel for how his students are doing outside his class as well. He wants to take other life and school workloads into consideration when he assigns his own assignments. Jackson speaks with him privately first while Youngjae waits out in the hallway. Then Jackson waits for his friend while he sits for a one-on-one with Professor Im.

He complains about Calculus, and Jaebum asks to take a look at his notes. After a few pages, he offers to help.

“Seonsaengnim, you don’t have to. I can go to tutoring -”

“It’s fine, I’m good at Calculus.” Jaebum says, sliding the notebook back to his student. “What’s your schedule on Thursdays?”

“I have class at four.”

“I have some free time around one. Would that work for you?”

Youngjae’s so elated he could break out into song right here. “Yes, it would. That’s perfect.”

So he sees Jaebum in his office on Wednesdays and Thursdays now. Sometimes Jackson will come on Wednesdays, sometimes not. 

“I can’t believe he’s so fuckin’ wonderful.” Jackson mumbles after one of the study sessions, walking back to the dorm with his elbow linked with Youngjae. “Like, he’s the sweetest person ever? I’m confused? Because he wears all black and rides a motorcycle and… and he doesn’t smile? And he has so many piercings? He’s so punk. But he’s a sweet punk.”

“You should ask him about Nora.” Youngjae says, dreaming about the fond look in Jaebum’s eyes when he talks about her.

“Who’s Nora?”

“His cat.”

Jackson pauses for a long time. “I can see why you like him so damn much. How are you doing, by the way? How’s that? You good? Have you told him you want to fuck - no sorry, _make love_?”

Youngjae elbows his friend and frowns, ignoring the teasing. “It’s just a crush.”

“You’re an ugly fuckin’ liar.” Because you can’t fool Jackson Wang.

~ * ~ * ~

Some time after midterms, Youngjae walks into Jaebum’s office at a time much later than usual because he received his first real text from his teacher, telling him to stop by. Youngjae’s heart is stampeding in his chest, imagination running wild as to what his professor would want from him at this hour. But he’s not met with some scene from a dream. There’s a stranger sleeping on the couch, curled up with a plaid-patterned throw blanket. There are papers everywhere, scattered as if they’ve been tossed, Jaebum is sitting in his chair, leisurely scrolling through his phone as if his office weren’t a disaster.

Youngjae glances at the stranger in the couch, at his professor, and then at Nora, who’s curled up on top of the stranger. Youngjae points in confusion, and Jaebum peers over his phone.

“That’s Mark.”

Right, Mark, the friend in one of the photos on Jaebum’s desk. The friend that’s married to Jaebum’s best friend, Jinyoung. Mark Tuan, the Head of the Science department that’s ‘too smart for his own good’ and ‘eats like a horse but stays as skinny as a twig.’ Youngjae knows of Mark, because he’s one of Jaebum’s closest friends and he _also_ has a dog named Coco. Because Jaebum talks about him sometimes and Youngjae listens to everything that Jaebum has to say.

“This is Nora.” Jaebum lifts from his chair and wakes the sleeping cat. Her eyes are wide, beautiful, and Youngjae reaches out for her when she’s placed in his arms. “Nora, this is Youngjae. My star student.”

Jaebum glances up at him, smiling softly. Youngjae’s heart somersaults. He scratches Nora’s head and she closes her eyes, purring with satisfaction.

“She’s so pretty.” Youngjae coos, forcing himself to break away from Jaebum’s entrancing gaze. “But, why is she here, seonsaengnim? I thought pets weren’t allowed on campus?”

“I smuggled her in,” Jaebum smiles, reaching over to pet her shoulders. “So you could meet her.”

Youngjae sits down. He sits at the chair at the desk and looks down at Nora. His heart is going to explode. He’s so happy. Jaebum thought of him and brought his cat to work. He can only imagine Jaebum sneaking through the hallways, trying to avoid running into his boss or co-workers. The more time he spends with his teacher, as different facets of his personality are revealed, Jaebum becomes less intimidating. Youngjae finds that he doesn’t just like Jaebum for what’s on the outside; that authoritative, icy aura that’s mysterious and alluring. That professionalism and intelligence that’s sexy. Youngjae likes that Jaebum loves animals, cherishes the fuck out of his friends, and has goofy aspects to his punk look that clash and make him adorable. 

So, in short, while Youngjae innerly and simultaneously reflects and freaks the hell out, he realises that he’s in love with Jaebum. Because Jaebum sits with him and talks to him, engages him, listens to everything he has to say. Because Jaebum likes and cares for his friend, Jackson, too. Because Jaebum brings his damn cat to school so Youngjae can meet her even though it’s against all the rules. Because Jaebum rides a motorcycle and is sweet and wonderful and not at all what he looks to be on the outside. 

Jaebum places a hand on his shoulder and it only upsets the chaos inside of Youngjae’s heart even more. “Are you alright?”

“Peachy.”

Jaebum frowns, rubs his hand against Youngjae’s shoulder and goes to the door to answer the knock. 

It’s Park Jinyoung. And Youngjae knows that because of (once again) the photo on Jaebum’s desk. Knows that because Jinyoung has been Jaebum’s friend for nearly two decades (but Youngjae still doesn’t know how old Jaebum is exactly.) He knows that Jinyoung is Mark’s husband and their dog, Coco, is a huge brown and white husky that Youngjae hopes will be smuggled in next. Youngjae loves Jinyoung because Jaebum loves Jinyoung. It’s that simple.

Jinyoung is a handsome man, dressed professionally without managing to look stiff. He tucks his hands in his pockets and smiles. “You must be Youngjae, JB talks about you a lot.”

JB? JB. _JB_. Okay, that’s kinda hot. 

Youngjae has to tell himself to get a grip, because it’s kind of pathetic that he thinks a nickname is hot.

“He does?”

Jaebum glares at his friend, but his cheeks are pink and his ears are red. He clears his throat and shakes Mark, the sleeping friend.

Mark rolls over and blinks blearily at the room. He smiles and snaps his fingers off the couch, which is barely big enough for him but he seems comfortable, Nora jumps from Youngjae’s lap and skitters over to Mark’s fingers so he can pet her. When he smiles he looks young enough to be a student; youthful and mirthful. These three are running for most handsome professor and Youngjae feels blessed to be in their presence all at once.

“Ah! You’re Youngjae!” Mark smiles as he sits up, and Youngjae can’t help the blush. “Take one of my classes next semester. I need a student like you.”

Youngjae can only imagine what that means, he can only imagine what it is that Jaebum’s saying about him to his friends. But it must be good, because Jinyoung and Mark stick around for a while to talk, to ask him about his classes and how he’s liking college life. Nora makes her way back into his lap and Jaebum ends up at his side, leaning with his hip against Youngjae’s chair, perfect arms folded over his perfect chest. He stays at Youngjae’s side the whole night, even after the married couple leave for Jinyoung’s office down the hall and it’s just Jaebum and Youngjae.

~ * ~ * ~

It turns out Jaebum only owns a motorcycle, so had to hitch a ride from the married couple to sneak Nora on campus. The thought that he had to go through that trouble makes Youngjae want to rip out all his hair and scream.

During that time where Jinyoung and Mark left to go to Jinyoung’s office down the hall, before Professor Im had to set out, Youngjae tried being sneaky and snapped a photo of him holding Nora, his professor sitting at his side. If only his professor knew how long he’d been staring at the photo. They look adorable together, both of them looking into the lens and smiling, faces closer than they’d ever been before. Youngjae’s embarrassed just thinking about it. Jaebum had been so willing when Youngjae said “Take a selfie with me and Nora!”

He’s so embarrassed about how giddy he feels over the photo that he doesn’t show Bambam when he gets to the dorm. He locks his phone and slides it under his pillow.

Youngjae doesn’t set the photo as his phone’s wallpaper, but hell, does he want to. 

“Hey, where’ve you been?”

“Studying.”

“With Professor Im?” Bambam sits on his roommate’s bed, at the foot of it. His legs dangle off the side. “Damn, how’s that going?”

“He’s pretty awesome.” Youngjae grins cheekily.

“I hope you’re getting an A in that damn class.”

“I think I am.”

Bambam regards his roommate with a look that Youngjae doesn’t want to think too much about.

~ * ~* ~

There’s a week until finals and Youngjae’s feeling the stress so much he can’t sleep. He tosses and turns in bed, going over equations and vocabulary in his head in the dark. On the other side of his room, Bambam is sitting at his desk even though it’s three-thirty in the morning, his dim desk light a sad beacon of student troubles.

Youngjae is normally a heavy sleeper. He’ll sleep through a hurricane. But tonight the light is bothering him, burning his retinas through his eyelids. He can hear the faint shouts of drunk students from down the street. If he listens close enough - he’s borderline crazy right now - he can hear Jackson and Yugyeom quizzing each other in the room to his left. 

Needless to say, he doesn’t sleep a wink, not even after Bambam collapses in bed at five in the morning. Youngjae rolls out of bed at eight, half an hour after his alarm goes off only because he has to, and quickly showers and drags himself off to work while Bambam manages a poor, dreamless sleep.

Youngjae works two five-hour shifts a week. It’s just enough for him to keep a checking and savings at the bank, a little something so he can occasionally go out with his friends. Luckily for him, Bambam, Jackson and Yugyeom are all as broke as he. Thus, hanging out usually consists of pizza and wings split four ways and some Netflix show that streams on Bambam’s laptop. These cheap nights in the dorm makes Youngjae’s financial life a lot easier. He doesn’t need to worry about extra shifts during the week.

When his manager asks him how finals are going, Youngjae needs to resist lying on the floor in defeat. She frowns at her employee and tells him to get one of the new seasonal fragrances, some Australian plant and some flower, and tells him he should consider buying it for himself. The glass container says ‘Stress Relief.’ Youngjae buys the candle and shoves it in his backpack with a pack of matches. Candles aren’t allowed in the dorms, but Bambam doesn’t complain when he gets that first whiff of the candle.

Soon, Jackson and Yugyeom are there, too, the three of them crowded around the candle and breathing deeply. It’s working. A little.

“Is this what a gateway drug is?” Jackson asks after a moment. “Are we all gonna shoot up heroine next?”

“How do you go from candles to heroin? You’re an idiot.” Bambam teases.

“If the eucalyptus-y scent doesn’t do it for you, I know a pot dealer.” Yugyeom jokes. His boyfriend shoves him and calls him an idiot, too. Youngjae regrets the candle. Besides, he couldn’t afford drugs. He works measly hours. The candle is going to have seriously work it’s magic.

Jackson, although the candle is supposed to help relax, has a college student brain that’s still in overdrive. He’s thinking about his Biology final. “Hey, Youngjae, when are we going back to Professor Im’s office? I have questions on the outline.”

Youngjae shrugs and pulls out his phone. “He said he has a meeting this Wednesday and can’t.”

“Oh, can you email him, then? I need help studying. I need him to go over the RNA and DNA and the structure thing again. And… and the… thing…” Jackson trails off, his friends laughing at his look of confusion. “Shit, dude, I don’t even know what I don’t know.”

“I can text him.”

But Youngjae regrets those words as he says them. Jackson is yanking his cell phone from his hands, shrieking - “What?! Text him? You have a professor’s personal number?!”

“Is that legal?” Yugyeom mumbles as his boyfriend interjects, “Hold the fuck up, I knew you had a crush on him but are… are you two _fucking_?”

They’re all talking over one another but Bambam’s inquiry stands out the most. It’s so ridiculous but it makes Youngjae’s body tingle from his head to his toes. Him? Jaebum? Fucking? Yes please. But, no - no thanks. That should be his rational response. It’d be the level headed answer. Besides, Youngjae doesn’t have the gall to come on to his professor. Though he thinks about jumping over the desk when they’re alone in the office.

Before Youngjae can defend himself, Jackson is jumping down his throat, “Is Professor Im taking advantage of you? I swear to fuckin’ god I’ll fuckin’ -”

“No, no it’s nothing like that!”

“Does he text you often?” Yugyeom asks, reaching for his friend’s phone to find the messages but Youngjae clenches his cell phone to his chest.

“Guys! Wait! It’s not like that! He gave it to me a while ago, and we don’t text, really.” He shows them the messages, there are three exchanges. One, where Youngjae says hello so Jaebum has his number. Two, Jaebum is letting him know he’s running late from a faculty meeting. Youngjae had replied with a thumbs up emoticon. And the last, the one that sends Jackson back into his brotherly rage, _I know it’s late, but can you stop by my office now?_ To which Youngjae had responded, _I’ll be right there,_ within the minute, like a whipped booty call.

“What is this? Why were you at his office at nine o’clock at night?! What was he doing on campus that late?!” Jackson waves the phone accusingly. “I’ll contact the - whoever! Whoever deals with this!”

“No!” Youngjae scrambles for his phone again. “Stop, guys, he brought Nora on campus, look. He wanted me to meet Nora.” Youngjae finds the few photos he took of Nora in what is clearly a faculty office. There’s a photo with Mark in the background. Yugyeom recognizes him as Professor Tuan. Then Youngjae shows the selfie he took with Nora pressed up against his face and Jaebum at his side. The photo he had stared at during any chance he got.

His friends stare at that photo for a while, until Yugyeom says, “Wow, you two look cute.”

Youngjae blushes and tucks his phone in his pocket. “Jaebum is -”

He’s cut off again by Bambam. “You’re on a first name basis?”

He fumbles, but Youngjae manages to smooth over the question. “Jaebum helps me with Calculus, too. And he talks to me about other stuff… like his own family. And mine. I talk a lot about my family with him. He’s really supportive and… um, he’s gay, too. So it’s nice to have someone that I can trust. He, uh, his parents didn’t support him at first, so it’s nice to be able to talk to him. Yeah, I said that already, but, it’s true. He’s like… a friend. He’s a friend. And he’s Korean, he speaks Korean, so it’s nice to have someone I can talk to in Korean.”

Yugyeom frowns at that, and responds in Korean, “What about me?”

“But… we’re always with the others.”

“English, please.” Jackson cuts that short, proving Youngjae’s point. “Do you still like him? Do you still have a crush on Professor Im - or Jaebum, or, whatever?”

Youngjae watches the small flame on the candle flicker. “Yeah.”

“Are you gonna tell him?” Yugyeom asks what everyone’s dying to know.

Red paints Youngjae face as he stubbornly stares at the candle flame. “No.”

~ * ~ * ~

The semester ends in the blink of an eye. Youngjae has one suitcase and a carry on ready to be brought home with him for the summer. He and his three friends are ready to head off to the airport. Yugyeom and Bambam to Thailand, Jackson to California, and Youngjae back to Massachusetts. They had managed to find flights that all fell within a few hours of each other so they wouldn’t be lonely at the airport.

As they’re all loading their things into the van, Jackson spots Professor Im and elbows his friend.

“Tell him you love him.” Yugyeom says in Korean, the taxi driver glancing curiously over his shoulder at the foreign language. Bambam and Jackson might not speak it, but they understand the gist and nod in agreement. Youngjae thinks they’re being ludacris - Jaebum could get fired for a scandal like this.

Waiting in the distance, by the side of the dormitory is Professor Park, watching the two like a hawk. 

Youngjae approaches his professor with a smile that he can’t hide. “I have you next semester, seonsaengnim, for Integrative Biology.”

Jaebum grins, eyes crinkling. “I’m glad, it’s an interesting class.”

If they really wanted, they could sit here and talk. Because that’s all Youngjae wants; a reason to stay here and chat. About anything. Like they’ve been doing all semester. But he has to wait. He has to get on a plane and go back to Massachusetts. 

Youngjae wants to ask for a hug, but now Mark is standing beside his husband in the distance, watching the student and teacher interaction. 

“So, I’ll see you in August.” Why does this feel like he’s saying good-bye to the love of his life? 

Maybe because he should. Youngjae should take all his feelings for Professor Im and leave them here, on the sidewalk. He should leave it to melt away in the gross Florida summer, maybe find someone back in Massachusetts. Someone his age. 

“Have a good summer, Youngjae-yah. And don’t forget that if you need me, I’m here.”

Youngjae nods and steps away, waving. Jaebum waves with his free hand, his other hand weighed down by his motorcycle helmet. It breaks Youngjae’s heart to think that his professor has been waiting to finish his day just so he could say goodbye.

Youngjae climbs into the van and curls up in the backseat, pressing his forehead against the window. His friends don’t say much to him. Jackson rubs his arm comfortingly.

The last thing Youngjae sees as they pull out the parking lot is Jaebum laughing with his two colleagues. He looks so unattainable with his leather jacket and mature friends, like he comes from a totally different world. A world that wouldn’t mesh well with Youngjae’s. 

And that’s what Youngjae tells himself as he makes his way back home. He and Jaebum come from different worlds. 

He changes Jaebum’s contact information from ‘Im Jaebum’ with a cute cat emoji at its’ side to ‘Professor Im.’ He can’t get himself to change the contact photo though, and leaves it as the selfie they took together in the office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> & in case i have some readers that don’t live in the u.s; the american school year starts in aug/sept and goes until may/june. The 1st (fall) semester goes until dec and the 2nd (spring) semester picks back up in jan and then the norm is to take the summer off. Massachusetts snows in the winters (its so cold where i live get me outta here) and florida is warm all year round.
> 
> (and i got to see got7 for their turbulence fm tour and got high-touch and they’re so so so so wonderful and i will remember the way they smiled at me for the rest of my life they took my heart with them by e)


	2. Open Road

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i suck at chapter titles (titles in general?) but i try

Who’s he kidding? Leave his feelings for Professor Im behind? _Pfft._

Youngjae’s so plagued with thoughts of his professor that it has to be a curse. He thinks of Jaebum when he’s eating traditional Korean food, because Jaebum said once that he prefers kimbap over burgers. He thinks of Jaebum when his mother goes to the mall and asks him about girls while he stares at a pair of black jeans. He thinks of Jaebum when certain songs play on the radio, because Jaebum likes R&B. He’s always thinking of Jaebum. Youngjae thinks of him on a Saturday night, when the house is empty because his family has plans, when the water is warm against his back and he’s thinking of Jaebum; his smile, his lips, his hands and wrists, and wraps a hand around his stiff cock with a shuddering breath. Youngjae’s jerked himself off enough times before, that it’s nothing new. It’s having a specific person in mind that’s a first.

Jaebum’s name dances off his lips as he cums in his hand, guilt crawling up his throat as dirty water sloshes down the drain. Youngjae’s never had a jonesing for alcohol before, but he’s suddenly craving it. Isn’t that adult thing to do? Chase away all your problems with a hangover?

There’s a bar somewhere downtown that doesn’t card their patrons. Youngjae stands outside of it at midnight, staring at the flickering lettering above the front door with Jackson screaming at him from the other side of the continent, telling him to go home. But behind him a motorcycle revs and Youngjae thinks of his crush and hangs up on his friend. He still has two months until his 21st birthday, and just like he knew he wouldn’t, the bartender doesn’t ask his age.

Beer tastes like piss. But he downs it.

The he orders a second glass, and a third of something else. Some other drink he had to search online for. He tastes the rum in it, it sloshes down his throat. He responds to Jackson’s eight missed calls then, slurring over his words as his friend worries from California.

“I’m gonna call him -”

_“No, no you’re not. Don’t be fuckin’ stupid.”_

“I am! Just watch me. Just _watch_.” Youngjae hangs up and dials another number, dials Professor Im.

The line rings until almost the end, like Jaebum might not pick up.

He sounds confused when he answers, groggy like he had been sleeping. It is almost two in the morning on a weekday. Maybe Professor Im had things to do? Maybe he’s working? Maybe he’s a normal functioning human and goes to bed at a decent time?

Youngjae’s brain stops working. It’s the alcohol. He’s also wondering if Jaebum is the type to sleep naked. It’s hot enough.

_“Youngjae-yah?”_

“Seonsaengnim, are you datin’ anyone?”

The pause is so long that Youngjae thinks Jaebum might’ve fallen back asleep. Or maybe he dreamt up the phone call in his drunken mess. Youngjae feels alone. He feels alone, sitting on a bench in the park, staring at the starless sky.

_“Youngjae-yah… what are you asking me?”_

“I went to the mall today. I bought black jeans! Because I thought of you. You wear black jeans a lot. A-and they played...” He stops for a hiccup, “Played Rihanna on the radio. You like some of her stuff.”

 _“Youngjae, wait,”_ Jaebum might be getting up now, sitting up in bed and searching for a light. _“Are you drunk?”_

Youngjae hums, long and giggly until he’s choking on nothing. Then he bursts into a fit of giggles. “Seonsaengnim! Seonsaeng…. Nim. Anyways, my mom asked me ‘bout girlfriends. Wanna know if I have a girl. But I was buyin’ the jeans that made me… made me think of you.”

_“Please, go home. Are you home?”_

“Hah! I can’t drink, can’t go home.”

Jaebum sighs, long and full of grievance. _“You’re not twenty-one yet…”_ And then a mumble, a curse, and a very strangled, “Fuck, _you’re not_ fucking _twenty-one yet._ ” As if he needs to remind himself again. “ _Youngjae-yah, go home.”_ He curses in English but speaks in Korean and Youngjae loves it. He fucking loves it. How throaty and gravelly he sounds. Jaebum’s truly distressed and it’s strong in his voice. He’s distressed because he’s just now realizing how young his student it. And Youngjae catches that.

“Seonsaengnim, how old’re you? I’ll be twenty-one in a month. Or, two? Two months. What’s today?”

When Jaebum doesn’t answer, Youngjae asks again, and again and again and -

_“I’m twenty-seven.”_

“Ah, ‘kay. Cool.”

_“Youngjae-yah, where are you? I need your address.”_

“You gonna come pick me up?” Youngjae laughs. “Come on your bike? I wanna ride your bike. Wanna ride… wanna ride you…”

 _“Fuck,”_ Jaebum growls. _“Stop fucking… stop fuckin’ talking. Please. What’s your address?”_

~ * ~ * ~

Youngjae wakes up with his phone buzzing by his face. He blinks at the screen and wipes the drool off of it. It’s Jackson. Of course it’s Jackson. It’s nine in the morning, which means it’s six where Jackson’s at. So Youngjae answers the phone and presses the volume button down. Sure enough, Jackson assaults him with a thousand questions in a very loud tone, wants to know he’s okay, wants to know what was said.

After his word vomit stops, Youngjae laughs dryly, a great soundtrack to his impending doom. “I told him I want to ride him. I told my _professor_ that I want to ride him.”

At first he thinks Jackson’s going to laugh. But Jackson’s not that mean. Youngjae is seriously fucked.

“Should I drop out?”

_“Don’t you have a class with him next semester?”_

Youngjae laughs even harder. “Yeah, Integrative Biology. I’m dropping out of school and I’m gonna live in a cave.”

He doesn’t question how he arrived home until he finds his mother in the kitchen, tapping her foot angrily. Apparently an Uber took him home. Jaebum called an Uber for him and paid the damn fare from Florida.

~ * ~ * ~

Youngjae goes the rest of the summer without a single call or text from Jaebum. He gets an email in his school account from Professor Im. It’s sent out to everyone in his class, an official and professional email letting them know the textbook is not needed. There are slides accessible online. The syllabus is attached. That’s it. It’s signed at the bottom,

Enjoy the rest of your summer,  
Jaebum Im, pH.D

Youngjae drops his head against the table and ignores his father asking him if he’s excited to go back. If he thinks he’s going to find a girlfriend this semester. Youngjae ignores them and talks to Coco, trapping her in his bedroom with him so she can hear his woes before he needs to pack up.

~ * ~ * ~

Bambam is already back when Youngjae gets to his dorm. They’ve discussed the dilemma through messages, and just as promised, Bambam’s waiting with his arms wide open. Nothing compares to one of the Thai boy’s hugs.

“When Yugyeom told you to confess your feelings, he meant the romantic ones, not the ones that made you tell Professor Im you wanna fuck.”

Youngjae buries his face in Bambam’s shoulder. “I’m so screwed.”

“Just walk in there like you don’t care. Don’t let it show that you’re still thinking about it.”

~ * ~ * ~

Yeah, it sounds easy when the Theater major says it, but Youngjae can’t hide his expressions. When he walks into his 2 ½ hour Thursday night Bio class Professor Im is already there seated at his desk. He’s not looking at the class he’s looking down, so Youngjae is lost in the middle of students by the time class starts.

This class isn’t in a hall like his last course, it’s a lot more personal. There’s a third of the students in here than in Intro to Biology. This is a Science lab that Youngjae needs for his degree. He’s been putting this class off and he’s the last one to take it. So Jackson’s not here, Bambam’s not here, Yugyeom’s not here.

Jaebum starts roll call, pausing awkwardly over, “Youngjae Choi.”

Youngjae raises his hand. This eyes meet with Professor Im’s and there’s a spark through the static, sizzling through Youngjae’s nerves and into his toes. He swallows and shifts awkwardly in his seat. This is the moment where he should put on his mask. Bambam’s advice was to not let it show, but it’s showing. It’s all over Youngjae’s face. He’s nervous, he’s embarrassed because he hadn’t been lying when he was drunk.

Jaebum breaks eye contact and moves on to the next name.

Youngjae figures the universe owes him one. He’d like to cash in on that now. If the floor could just open up and eat him, that’d be great.

~ * ~ * ~

Turns out that if you want to drop a required class, the professor needs to sign off on it.

Yugyeom rubs his friend’s shoulder, but Youngjae wails in distress. He breaks away from his friends and makes the walk of shame to Jaebum’s office. There’s no guarantee that he’s going to be there, office hours change from semester to semester, but Youngjae takes a shot in the dark and of course it’d be his luck that Professor Im is there. He’s sitting on the couch, one leg over the cushions and one hanging off the side. He looks so cool, all black with a red blazer thrown on, hair gelled back. His face is gorgeous, sharp angles defined. So effortless, so sexy, so chic. His signature style. It makes Youngjae’s knees weak.

Jaebum seems startled by his visitor. He holds his book tightly and smiles. It’s not the same as last semester’s. It’s pressed and awkward.

“Youngjae-yah, how can I help you?”

“I need you to sign this.”

Jaebum takes the form handed to him and peers at it. “Why do you want to drop my class?”

Youngjae turns a furious red. “You… you know why.”

“No, I don’t. Put your education first. It’s important.”

“I can take this class any other semester, it’s not a big deal. There are other science classes.”

“I’m the only one that teaches this course.” Jaebum sighs and hands the form back. “Youngjae-yah, we’re both adults. I’m sure we can work past this.”

But Youngjae shakes his head. “No, seonsaengnim, it’s not that easy. I’m embarrassed.”

Jaebum stares at his student. There’s something deep in his eyes, something that Youngjae finds himself swimming to find.

“You don’t need to feel that way.”

Jaebum is barely taller than him, but he seems to tower when he gets close. He slides a hand on Youngjae’s shoulder, but then it falls down his arm, fingertips sweeping against the exposed skin of Youngjae’s arm. Goosebumps ripple through the younger man’s body. He wants that hand to continue on, maybe entwine their fingers, touch his neck, his lips. Youngjae wants both of Jaebum’s hands on him; anywhere.

The flighty feeling that creeps up on Youngjae paints red against his cheeks, it’s blazing in his wide eyes. Jaebum chuckles at it, his gaze total opposite of Youngjae’s. He’s in control. He’s being mature. He’s making the final decision of _no, this will not happen._ Youngjae, on the other hand, is not in control. He’s embarrassed because of how _badly_ he wants this. Wants this like nothing else before.

He surges forward, moving totally on whim and stupidity. His hands are moving to Jaebum’s collar, his lips are firmly planting against Jaebum’s. It’s the most senseless thing he’s ever done.

Jaebum rips away with a gasp, ending the kiss before it can even be held long enough to be classified as a kiss. The horror in his eyes sends Youngjae into a spiraling crash. He’s made a complete ass of himself. He just acted out his desires while assuming someone else’s. He _fucked this up._

Everything inside him collapses. He feels heavy, body shutting off as Jaebum moves past him. Jaebum shuts the door with a soft click, and Youngjae’s still too dejected to realize what’s happening until Jaebum’s scooping him into his arms, kissing the life out of him.

Youngjae reacts immediately, euphoria ping-ponging through his insides. But he doesn’t want to waste this moment, dropping the form to the floor, wrapping his arms around Jaebum’s shoulders. The other body barely feels real against his.

This is everything he’s wanted, but he could never decide how exactly he wanted Jaebum to kiss. Did he want it rough? Passionate? Tender? Jaebum kisses him somewhere in the middle, passionate but tender, unafraid of whatever consequences have just been laid out because the two failed to hold back their feelings.

Jaebum’s shoulders are sturdy around Youngjae’s, his hands cupping his face, keeping him in place. There’s no need though, Youngjae isn’t going anywhere. He’s going to stay right here, where the rings of Jaebum’s fingers become warm against his cheeks. Where Jaebum’s lips are plush against his. Where Jaebum’s eyes are closed, eyelashes brushing against his cheeks, lost as he kisses Youngjae. Where Jaebum’s tongue is licking against his mouth.

Youngjae moans as his lips part, as their tongues slide. It’s delicious. It’s something he definitely wants to get used to. This kiss is worth all the risks that comes with it.

Jaebum beings to lead the kiss in a way that Youngjae hoped he would. He takes control, dominates, but is gentle in the way he does it. It’s an open invite for Youngjae to jump in and take over the situation. Youngjae lets it happen the way Jaebum wants it to happen. Because that’s what he wants right now. He wants Jaebum to want this as much as he does.

The kiss morphs into something else, it’s neither of them trying to dominate. They’re fusing together, melting into each other. Youngjae breaks apart with a tug on Jaebum’s lower lip, moaning as Jaebum whimpers.

The kiss has left Youngjae breathless, panting, and with weak knees. He tries to step forward but stumbles. They can’t get any closer than how they are now.

“I’ve been waiting forever to do that.” Jaebum says, hands still cradling his student’s face.

_Student._

Jaebum drops his hands to his sides, taking a step back. Youngjae follows, grabbing the lapel of his professor’s red blazer.

“Me, too.”

_Professor._

Youngjae leans in for another kiss, licking his already-wet lips. His eyes droop, hazy with lust. Jaebum feels the same, trying to rationalise with himself. But he can’t. His inner voice dies out the moment their mouths meet again and he’s tipping Youngjae’s head back with his hand on the back of his neck, brushing the soft strands there. Their chests bump and Youngjae moans. It rumbles against Jaebum’s chest and he shivers in response, sliding his tongue between parted lips. It’s a bit rougher this time now that he knows there’s no boundary when it comes to this. Youngjae clearly likes it, opening his mouth wider to meet Jaebum halfway, bumping their chests and gripping him by his hair.

Youngjae’s been waiting too long for this, dreaming too much about this, so he is more than willing to take control when Jaebum clearly refuses. He grabs Jaebum with both hands and yanks him towards the couch. Jaebum doesn’t have time to protest because Youngjae gets in his lap without a hitch, latching onto his lips mid-breath. Youngjae can’t get enough, carding his fingers through black locks, spreading his knees widely to get himself planted firmly on Jaebum’s lap. Jaebum places his hands on the thighs spread around his waist. Youngjae squeezes his eyes shut as Jaebum gives in to the moment, beautiful hands groping Youngjae through his jeans. Jaebum touches him in a way that tells how he’s wanted this, but also knows he shouldn’t.

But Jaebum’s phone buzzes then, vibrating loudly against the desk and it yanks the two apart, piercing through the moment. Youngjae gets to his feet and Jaebum slumps against the couch, hand on his racing heart.

Reality slaps them in the face. The reality of their situation rings differently for the two of them and they see it in each other’s expression. They’re facing each other, Jaebum sitting, his lap still warm from the other body. Youngjae stares at his professor’s red lips, the blush on his cheeks, the mess of his hair. It looks so goddamn _good_ on him and Youngjae only wants to fuss up his hair more, chew on his lips more, but this is not supposed to be happening. He was supposed to control himself.

Youngjae takes a step back, foot landing on top of the Add/Drop Course form. He doesn’t pick it up, but he turns on a heel and runs like hell.

To make matters worse, Jinyoung is getting off the elevator as Youngjae plans to get on. Jinyoung tries to be friendly, but Youngjae ducks aside and makes it to the stairwell instead, closing the door on Jinyoung’s concerned expression.

He sprints across campus. It’s a large campus so it’s not uncommon to see a student racing to get to their class, but Youngjae’s off like a bullet, flying over the grass and up the stairs two at a time, hoping that he drops his heart somewhere along the way.

He makes it to his dorm and fumbles at the entrance. He drops his ID card, nearly hits himself in the face with the heavy door. He bangs on Jackson’s dorm room but Jackson’s not there. Yugyeom takes one look at Youngjae’s exasperated expression, and is falling out of his room trying to comfort his friend. But Youngjae needs Jackson right now. He wants to talk to Jackson.

Yugyeom tells him that Jackson went to the 24-hour computer lab to do some homework.

There’s more than one on campus, but Youngjae knows Jackson went to the one that’s closest. It’s the smallest and usually dead this time of day.

Jackson doesn’t hear Youngjae enter, and he’s immediately angered when someone rips his earphones from his ear, yelling “Hey -” until he sees Youngjae’s expression.

“What’s wrong? What happened?”

Youngjae covers his face with his hands and he can’t contain a sob.

Jackson leaves his things at his computer and hauls Youngjae out into the hallway and towards the bathroom down the hall. It’s a single use restroom but Jackson locks the door behind the two of them and doesn’t care if anyone passing by misunderstands. He tries to hold his friend’s hands but the brunet is inconsolable.

“Did you… did you come out to your parents?”

The crying ceases immediately. And much to Jackson’s horror, that’s not the reason. But now Youngjae has _another_ reason to cry. Because he hasn’t done that yet, but it’s inevitable.

“Shit, fuck, I’m such an ass. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean - I don’t…”

When Youngjae is settled nicely in Jackson’s comforting arms, crying into his chest and soaking up the front of his tank top, he says it. “I made out with Professor Im in his office.”

Jackson’s hand stops rubbing his shoulders. “You what?”

“I-I… I kissed him. I did it. I wanted him to sign the paper so I could drop the class but…”

“And you two made out?”

“I pushed him on the couch and got in his lap.”

Jackson’s still holding him, still hugging his friend for comfort, but there’s a distance now so he can try and read the expression on Youngjae’s face. There’s also a bit of a joke sitting on the tip of his tongue - Youngjae, the shy boy that never makes a move and can’t do hook-ups at a club, only goes on a date if he’s seriously considering it and not just looking for some fun, just climbed on top of his professor in a faculty building. He picked the worst person to fall in love with.

“He didn’t push you off?”

“H-He did. At first. But the door was open. So he closed and then kissed me and was all like, ‘I’ve been waiting forever to do that’,” He says in his worst imitation of Professor Im, his voice squeaky from crying. “So I just… got excited. I did a bad thing, I did a very bad thing. How am I supposed to look at him on Thursday? How… I really like him. But I don’t want to risk his job.”

“Wait, so, you left?”

“I ran away.”

“You ran?” Jacksons ask carefully, as if it didn’t make sense for some reason.

“Yeah. I, uh, I ran out the door and I came looking for you.”

The blond boy sighs deeply, then pulls Youngjae back into his chest. “You’re gonna have to talk to him, you know.”

“I don’t wanna…”

“You have to.”

Youngjae buries his face in Jackson’s warm chest and hugs him tightly. Right now all he needs is Jackson telling him it’s gonna be okay.

~ * ~ * ~

Jaebum texts him first, _We need to talk._ Cryptic, and to the point. Great. It’s got bad news written all over it. But Youngjae agrees they need to talk, so on Tuesday, the day after The Incident, Jaebum says he’ll meet Youngjae outside his dorm after his last class gets out at 2:45.

Youngjae pulls on his sneakers and throws a zip-up hoodie over his faded grey shirt. He was going for casual, jeans and converse, but feels like an idiot. This is not a date, it’s Professor Im cutting him loose. But he still wants to look cute. Bambam plays with Youngjae’s brown hair, Yugyeom lying in bed and watching over his textbook.

“At least you look cute.” Yugyeom says in approval while his boyfriend makes a cloud of hairspray to keep the volume of Youngjae’s hair up.

“Thanks.” Youngjae mumbles, staring at his reflection. Bambam reaches for the eyeliner on his desk and uncaps it, playing with it between his fingers. Youngjae stares at it for a while, but closes his eyes so his roommate can draw lines on his eyelids. He thinks it’s ridiculous that he’s getting dolled up for this. Absolutely ridiculous. He’s just going to cry it off.

Jackson walks in while Bambam and Youngjae argue over whether or not he’s going to wear mascara.

“Just let Bam do it.” Jackson says, and Youngjae mumbles to himself but gives up the fight, flinching every time the mascara wand gets too close.

“I will stab you on purpose if you don’t let me do this.” The Thai boy threatens, mascara hovering. “In your pupil.”

After he’s done he steps back and lets Youngjae look at himself. The eye makeup is barely-there, but he knows he’s going to be self conscious about this. The BB Cream is light and he barely feels it. He looks like a guy that could land a date. But he’s not going to land a date. He only feel more awful.

“Your flawless skin is a gift from above.” Jackson compliments with a thumbs up. The brunet smiles weakly at him.

Youngjae waits until he gets Jaebum’s text to move from the chair. He glances aside as Bambam and Yugyeom kiss sweetly, and grabs his wallet from the counter. He leaves with a quiet ‘bye’ and the door closes as his friends call for good luck.

Jaebum looks gorgeous as fuck standing outside the dorm, leaning against his sleek black sports bike, helmet in his hand. He looks like a dream Youngjae can’t have. A badass, sexy as hell, dream. Too good for him. Too out of this world. Jaebum rides a motorcycle, damnit, and Youngjae drives a beat up Camry during vacations. It’s not even his, it’s his grandmother’s. And it always smells like old people. The windows are still manual.

But Jaebum rides a motorcycle and has a real job and friends that are married and he has his own apartment. He can go out on the weekends and get drunk and Youngjae’s barely old enough to have a beer.

He’s halfway to Jaebum when Youngjae hears his friends call out to him. He glances at the three standing by the front door of the dormitory, confused when they gesture him back over. He sends Jaebum an apologetic look before jogging back over to his friends. Bambam holds his hands out and Youngjae cups his hands to take whatever he’s being offered, blindly trusting his roommate.

As soon as he sees it’s two condoms and a packet of lube, he drops it and rubs his hands on his pants as if it burned.

“Are you _kidding_ me?!”

Jackson swoops down and picks the condoms from the floor. “Dude, you're consenting adults and you’re going out together and he knows you wanna fuck, and we hope for the sake of your blue balls that you don’t wanna take it slow. So take the damn condoms.”

Youngjae can’t believe this is his life. These are his friends. These idiots are his _friends._

“We’re not -”

“Take them.” Yugyeom says, shoving them from Jackson’s hands to the front pocket of Youngjae’s jeans. “Just in case.”

Youngjae doesn’t even know what to say. He doesn’t even know what to think. It’s great to know that his friends support him. But it’s ridiculous to think that they’re expecting this. Jaebum could lose his job. Youngjae isn’t that horny to put someone else’s job on the line.

“Seriously, this kinda shit happens all the time.” Bambam says, “You think you’re the first one to bang a teacher?”

Yugyeom opens his mouth to agree but pauses, looking at his boyfriend. “You sound like you’re speaking from experience?”

Jackson rolls his eyes and interrupts the couple. “Keep them in your pocket. Have safe sex. Always use a condom. Don’t get pregnant.” And then he uses force to get Youngjae to spin back around. He gives him a good shove to get him moving, and Youngjae walks like a robot over to his professor.

Jaebum glances at the trio by the front door. “Do they know?”

Youngjae nods quickly. He wants to tell his teacher that they’re supportive, the condoms are burning a hole in his pocket, but he can’t get himself to open his mouth. Then Jaebum puts on his helmet and hands over an extra one to Youngjae.

Youngjae stares for a long time at the navy helmet. “Wait we’re gonna… _go_ someplace?”

“I don’t want to have this conversation on school grounds.” The older male says, hopping on his bike and turning the key. The bike rumbles to life and Youngjae thinks he’s going to have a heart attack.

“What if my head doesn’t fit? I have a big head.”

Jaebum chuckles, his voice muffled by his helmet. The only thing Youngjae sees is his eyes, his intense gaze even stronger now that it’s the only part of his face that’s exposed. But as he studies his younger his gaze falls. He’s reading this incorrectly.

“I thought you wanted to go for a ride?”

_Ride **you** , professor._

Youngjae squeaks in embarrassment from his own thoughts and slides the helmet on. He can hear Bambam’s distressed wails from here.

“I worked too hard on his hair for him to flatten it with a helmet!” And Jackson’s quick to the punch, “Safety before fashion!”

Youngjae takes a long look at Jaebum on the bike. He tries to stamp it into his mind. Jaebum, his broad shoulders are poised, straight and strong, his fingers curled around the handles. He kicks up the kickstand up without even looking. He holds the bike in place and motions for Youngjae to climb on, both feet planted on either side of the motorcycle to keep it steady. He looks so sure, so fucking hot, that Youngjae’s gonna have a heart attack.

Jaebum motions with his head again. Youngjae snaps back to life and gets closer. He sinks the arch of his foot against the foot rests, bracing himself on Jaebum’s shoulders and he throws his leg over the seat. Now that he’s seated, Youngjae isn’t sure how he feels about this.

“Hold on tight.” Jaebum says, pulling the visor down to cover his eyes. “Have you ever ridden a bike before?”

Youngjae shakes his head, his hands balled up into fists against his professor’s shoulders. Apprehension chills his body. His muscles are tight and his head is throbbing, his mouth dry.

They’re not even moving, but when Jaebum lets go of the handlebars to reach for Youngjae’s arms, the younger boy stiffens. He latches onto Jaebum’s thin waist and gets as close as he can, clutching on for dear life. He knows he’s holding too tightly, but Jaebum doesn’t complain. He bends his wrist to twist the handles and kicks off.

Youngjae grips Jaebum even tighter once they’re rolling. It’s not even like they’re going fast, they’re just rolling up to the stop light. But it’s almost embarrassing how much Youngjae is trembling. He was looking forward to this, he was _so_ excited, but now he’s pretty sure he’s going to die.

Jaebum can feel it against his shoulders. “Can you relax? Can you trust me?”

Youngjae nods against the driver’s back.

And then the light turns green and the bike whirrs. Jaebum’s feet are off the ground and they’re moving on just two wheels.

Youngjae nearly wheezes, jolted by the initial movement. They take off down the road and it’s so hard to believe that this mechanical contraption between his legs is the only thing between him and the ground. It’s not even much. The pavement is too close, Youngjae can see the grooves in the road and the cracks that need to be filled. He tries to look up instead of the road, but seeing the world speed by without barriers makes his stomach lurch.

They’re gonna die. Something bad is gonna happen and they’re going to die.

Jaebum manages to speak over the hum of the bike, “I need you to move with me.”

“What?!”

“Move with me.”

What does that mean? What the _fuck_ does that mean? It’s a bike, there’s no moving.

But then Jaebum leans with the bike to round a corner, shoulders square, and Youngjae is horrified. The bike is tipping over and they’re going with it. And Jaebum sticks his knee out in the direction of the turn but Youngjae pulls his in. He closes his eyes and holds his breath lets Jaebum lead.

Before he knows it they’re around the corner, back up straight.

Youngjae’s whole body is shaking. Who the hell thinks this is fun?!

They round another corner and his brain is on high alert. There’s a blaring in his ears as the bike tips again, Jaebum leaning towards the pavement.

Up ahead is a highway entrance. If Youngjae wasn’t ready for the side streets he isn’t ready for the freeway. But Jaebum turns onto the on ramp and flows into moving traffic - into fast moving traffic.

The wind whips around Youngjae. He’s hidden well behind the helmet but he still feels like the air is whipping his face, constricting his chest. His hands feel cold, his hips are locked into place and his knees squeeze into Jaebum’s thighs. It’s a miracle Jaebum hasn’t complained yet. Or that it’s impeded his riding. Youngjae’s not even sure Jaebum can breathe with the lock around his waist.

The highway ends up being easier than the side roads. The cars give them more space. There are no stoplights or harsh curves or pedestrians. It’s just the open road, the two of them flying like no one can stop them.

Youngjae relaxes while they’re on the highway. The scenery whips by; a blur. The air pushes against him, but he’s safe, wrapped around the other. They’re totally exposed to the rest of the world but at the same time, with Jaebum at the wheel - well, handlebars - Youngjae knows he’s fine. He never thought he’d get the chance to ride a bike. It always seemed too dangerous and not something he’d risk.

It’s hard to tell how long they’re on the road for, especially since Youngjae recognizes none of the road signs, but he’s almost disappointed when Jaebum takes a busy exit. Youngjae is uneasy around the turns and feels sick every time the bike leans, but now they’re in a residential area and the roar of the bike beneath him seems to echo between the sliver of spaces between beach homes.

They turn around the nth corner and the ocean comes into view. Youngjae rests his chin against Jaebum’s shoulder and is delighted by the scene before them.

Parking is easy, Jaebum pulls over into the corner of the parking lot and waits for a moment. Youngjae realises that he’s supposed to get off. His body doesn’t move though. He’s not even embarrassed when Jaebum laughs, unbinding arms from his waist. Youngjae thought that the riding had become easier through the trip but it turns out he was wrong. His joints are stiff, his muscles are sore and his head is spinning. Youngjae sways awkwardly on two feet, the insides of his thighs are tight and his knees are wobbly. He needs a moment.

The helmet he had been wearing is almost too heavy for his hands. Jaebum carries both of them until Youngjae can grip with his hands again.

“How’re you feeling?” He asks, rubbing Youngjae’s shoulder. “You alright?”

“That was so much fun. That was so _awesome_.” But his throat is still tight and his voice comes out hoarse.

Jaebum smiles at the way the younger boy’s eyes glimmer. “I’m glad you liked it.”

Youngjae follows his teacher across the parking lot. He’d be skipping if his legs weren’t sore. He checks his phone and sees he has one text from Jackson, twenty minutes ago. His friends must all be still hanging out, probably waiting around for details.

**THE KIIIIIIIIIIIING**

> Where are you guys?>?? Where’d you go?  
3:15PM

We’re at the beach!! <  
3:40PM

> WHERE IS THE BEACH ???? hte nearest one is far af away  
> YUGGYEOM SAYS COCAO BEACH IS AN HOUR AWAY IS THAT WHERE YOUR AT?  
3:41PM

It hadn’t felt like an hour. Not even close. Youngjae shoves his phone back in his pocket and tries to process what’s happening. What kind of person takes someone else to the beach to turn them down? What kind of person drives an hour to break someone’s heart with the sound of the ocean kissing their ears?

“Seonsaengnim?”

They reach the small restaurant on the sand, where Jaebum swings the door open. Youngjae steps in and blushes as he moves past his professor. He’s feeling conflicted.

“Could you not call me that?”

Youngjae blinks up at him. “Uhm, Professor Im?”

But that one causes a flinch, so Youngjae tries one more time, “Jaebum-hyung?”

That one earns a small smile. “That’s a lot better, Youngjae-yah.”

Jaebum buys them food, fish and chips with bottled sodas and they sit outside. Youngjae kicks his shoes off and digs his toes in the sand. He pulls off his hoodie and drapes it over the back of his chair. He can’t imagine how hot Jaebum must feel right now in his leather jacket and boots.

And this silence is killing him. Youngjae wiggles his toes in the sand and clears his throat. Jaebum sighs and leans forward to shrug off his jacket.

He’s wearing a grey tank top underneath and Youngjae is embarrassed to admit that the shape of Jaebum’s biceps makes him dizzy. Those muscles are usually hidden by button downs and blazers and Youngjae’s never felt a stronger urge to lick at someone’s skin.

“We should talk about what happened.” Is effective at getting Youngjae to stop thinking about licking Jaebum’s arms. Instead it crashes him back to reality; Jaebum is seven years older than him and his teacher.

“About break or about yesterday? Which, uh, by the way, thanks for getting me home.”

Jaebum glances at him, gaze calculated. “Both.”

“Oh.” Youngjae squeaks.

“Listen, Youngjae-yah,” Which sounds a lot like the start to a let down. “We shouldn’t do this.”

Well, that didn’t take too long.

“But, hyung -”

“I could lose my job.”

“I know.” Youngjae feels his age. Just a few days off from twenty-one, still feeling young and irresponsible, as if unaware of the real world and its’ troubles. He feels as though, like with a lot of other things in his life, he doesn’t have a say. This is out of his control, no matter how much he wants it. He's a passenger in his own life, the road ahead of him chosen by others. It's always been like this.

But Jaebum catches that. He leans over the small wooden table and asks, “Youngjae-yah, what do _you_ want?”


	3. Firsts

Youngjae almost doesn’t know the answer to that. He stares at the older man and sucks in a breath, drowning in the sincerity in the depths of Jaebum’s gaze. He wants Jaebum. He wants a relationship, he wants to wake up next to him. He wants to greet him with kisses. He wants to love him forever. He wants to be able to talk this out and figure things out, because they clearly both harbor feelings and that alone is worth chasing.

“I don’t want you to lose your job.” Is what he says instead. 

Jaebum reaches over the table, palm up. Youngjae easily slides his fingers between the other’s and sighs, clasping their hands together. This is the first time they’ve held hands and it feels _really_ nice. Even the rings are comfortable between his fingers. 

“But?” 

“But I like you - like, a lot. I want you, hyung. But I don’t want… I don’t want it if you don’t.”

Jaebum smiles again, unrestrained and joyful. It lights ups his face and sparks hope back in Youngjae’s belly. He watches with wide eyes as the older male moves from his spot on the other side of the table to be next to him so he can lean in, in a very public setting, and give Youngjae the sweetest kiss of his life, still holding his hand.

He’s spinning when Jaebum pulls away, his heart hammering in his throat and blocking out words. Jaebum is handsome in the sunlight, his skin smooth and milky. Youngjae wants to kiss up and down his neck and collarbone. 

“I do want this.” Jaebum’s gaze is unwavering and it’s almost difficult to look him in the eye. He hides nothing while Youngjae doesn’t know what to do with his hands. “But our relationship wouldn’t be normal.”

“I-I know…” Youngjae knows this feeling of dread better than any other. It’s a darkness in his chest that he tries not to let get to him. He’s trying to look on the brightside; Jaebum likes him, too, and wants to defy the system and date him. That’s such a huge leap in the right direction. “I know that things are gonna be hard, but that’s okay. I want to try.”

“We’d have to be willing to keep this between ourselves. No one could know, and we’d have to do everything in secret. We’d have to sneak around, set limitations for ourselves… Is that what you want?”

No. He wants to love openly. But if it means that they can be together, even if doesn’t work out in the end, then _yes_. This is what he wants. Youngjae’s never wanted to date someone quite like this before. 

So he nods, setting his decision firmly. “Yes! I won’t tell a soul - well…” He thinks of his roommate and friends and nervously twiddles his fingers. “You know my friends already know, I mean, they gave me condoms before I left -”

“They gave you what?”

Youngjae freezes, ice sparkling up his spine. His face gets hot though. “Ah, uh, they, uh…”

Moment _ruined._

Jaebum blinks at him. “They gave you condoms?”

Oh, God, of course he had to open his mouth. So Youngjae pulls the two small condom packets and packet of lube and awkwardly dumps them into Jaebum’s hands as if he wants nothing to do with them. He even wipes his hands on his pants for good measure.

Jaebum clears his throat and shoves them in the pocket of his leather jacket. He zips it and throws it on the table. When their eyes meet his are full of fire. Youngjae imagines his gaze must’ve looked the same when he first saw Professor Im walk into the class and sprung a boner. He might be getting a little too excited right now.

 _Professor Im_ sounds so wonderful but so forbidden at the same time.

 

They spend the rest of the evening walking on the beach, holding hands as the sun sets and Youngjae’s so _happy_ he forgets about the rest of the world.

~ * ~ * ~

Youngjae’s never been steady with anyone before. He’s been on multiple dates with one person but never made the move to make anything official. He doesn’t even expect to take the reigns on this one, and surprises himself when he drops the, “So, will you be my boyfriend?” Question by the motorcycle at the end of the day. He almost wants to take it back. Until Jaebum curls a finger under his chin and guides him in for a kiss.

_Yes._

Because there will be no misunderstandings about what they’re doing. This is serious - not a fling.

Their first week as a couple is tense. Youngjae stops by Professor Im’s office a few times just to eat lunch. He goes one night to just sit and talk. But they can’t hold hands. They have to be on high alert when in the office. They can’t shut the door. They can’t kiss each other good-bye. It’s a lot of long, side-ways glances and unfinished sentences. 

Being with Jaebum like this isn’t ideal, but sometimes they’ll steal kisses, or Youngjae will catch Jaebum staring at him with a lovey, dopey expression and it makes his heart sing. It’s the start to something he hopes will carry on for as long as forever is.

The first Thursday class since the official beginning of their relationship goes by easily. Jaebum’s gaze lingers and Youngjae chews so much on his pen that the plastic shatters and ink oozes all over his desk. But aside from that, they give off no vibes that would make the class suspicious.

The only way the contact each other on the weekend is through text. It’s so distant and awkward. Youngjae watches the way YugBam lean against each other in cafeteria and boils over with jealousy. Or the way they hold hands when they walk. Or the way they part ways with a kiss outside their classrooms. 

Jaebum sends him a silly video of Nora and Youngjae feels ridiculous saying this; it barely feels like they’re dating. So what if they eat lunch in Jaebum’s office? So what if he walks Jaebum to the faculty parking lot at the end of the night? So what if Jaebum sends him a cute photo of Nora? He can count the amount of times they’ve kissed and he can’t even sit in Jaebum’s lap like how Bambam and Yugyeom do in the library. He can’t hold Jaebum’s hand on campus but he can hold Jackson’s, because they’re friends and there’s nothing scandalous about that. When they’re in the office they sit on opposite ends, Jaebum in his chair and Youngjae on the couch. They swap stories like they did before adding the ‘boyfriend’ title into the mix.

Jaebum is so close but so goddamn far. 

And Youngjae isn’t the type to act on feelings of lust, since that kind of feeling usually only come after a little while, but things with Jaebum are totally different. The littlest things drive him crazy; the way he crosses his legs when he sits at his desk, the way his bracelets slide against his wrists, the way he loosens his tie at the end of his day, or the way he reaches for Youngjae at the end of the night, caressing the younger boy’s palm for seconds before they part ways.

Class becomes difficult, as well. Professor Im stand at the front of the class and lecture and use complicated words as if they were every day jargon, watching the way he glides across the room to check up on the groups as they work, he’s so smooth. He’s so suave. It’s driving Youngjae mad. Because Jaebum is his boyfriend, his professor, his tutor, his friend, but he _can’t have him._

“Hey, Jae.”

Youngjae turns back to his lab partner, a blush starting on his cheeks. Shit, has he been caught staring at the professor? The professor that’s his secret boyfriend and no one’s supposed to know?

Youngjae’s so dizzy with panic that he doesn’t realise what he’s saying until he’s saying it. He awkwardly tries to follow along with the conversation;

“Isn’t Professor Im hot?” Youngjae doesn’t appreciate the way this guy looks at his boyfriend.

“Yeah, so hot.” But it’s a little dry.

“He looks like he works out, I wonder what he looks like underneath that ugly-ass lab coat.”

Youngjae thinks of Jaebum’s toned biceps, wet with saltwater and glistening in the sunlight on the beach, speckled with sand. The biceps he hasn’t gotten a chance to properly feel yet. It flusters him up a bit and he responds, “Uh, hot.”

Cody, Youngjae’s lab partner, leans over, whispering. “Are you telling me you’ve seen Professor Im without that frumpy thing on?”

“Yes -” Youngjae whips his head back to his classmate. “No, well, yes, I went to his office… um, he wasn’t…”

Oh, _fuck_. Youngjae tells himself to shut his mouth and he does so with such a force that his teeth snap audibly.

Luckily, Cody’s too busy ogling the professor to notice his classmates’ discomfort. Youngjae’s even more unsettled with the look that Cody’s giving Professor Im. _Look all you want, punk, that’s mine._ So he shoves him lightly with his shoulder, and Cody smiles and moves closer.

“So, seriously, he looks like he works out.”

“He’s… muscular…” Youngjae doesn’t know how much more of this conversation he can have. He’s panicking now, unsure of what is okay to say and what’s not. What’s considered normal chatter for a conversation that’s deeply embedded with ‘yeah I know my professor is hot because we’re dating but you can’t know’ so that they can keep the flow of the topic going without getting too weird?

“Oh,” Cody’s smiling now and Youngjae’s totally coming out as gay to him, not even aware that their talk has outed Cody, too, “You know, I used to be mad lanky. But then I joined the swim team.” He leans over and flexes his bicep subtly. Youngjae doesn’t notice. “Hey, you ever been to a swim meet?”

Youngjae doesn’t realize how close Cody’s getting until Jaebum is behind them, off-put by the proximity of his two students. He scowls slightly, eyes dark and menacing. Youngjae’s stomach flops. _This_ is what boyfriend Jaebum looks like. Protective. Jealous. A jealous Jaebum is a hot Jaebum.

“Have you two even started the assignment yet?”

Youngjae looks down at his blank sheet of paper. “Oh - um, no, Professor.”

Cody lifts a hand and places it on his partner. Jaebum clears his throat at that, wringing his hands together behind his back, trying to keep his composure. He had spotted the flirting from across the room and his boyfriend is apparently dense. And blushing like a maniac. They’re going to have to have a talk about this.

“Sorry, Professor Im, we’ll get right on it.” Cody smiles, but it doesn’t appease their teacher. He humf’s, unconvinced, and steps over to the next group.

Cody takes his phone out as Jaebum has his back turned. Then, “Hey, Jae, can I have your number? In case I have any questions on the assignments. You _are_ my lab partner.”

Even though he’s not facing them, Jaebum’s not out of earshot. He nearly spins around as he listens to the conversation, jealousy swirling in his stomach as Youngjae, still not seeing the whole picture, shares his cell phone number.

 

At the end of class, Cody wants to head out with Youngjae. “Our dorms are right next to each other, you wanna head back?” He says, but Youngjae shakes his head. “Oh, are you gonna go eat? We could get dinner.”

‘Dinner’ seems to spark something akin to understanding in Youngjae’s mind. Jaebum watches from his desk at the front as understanding etches surprise into Youngjae’s expression. “O-oh, um, no. It’s fine, I ate before class. M-Maybe later… though?”

Cody slings his backpack over one shoulder, still smiling. “Yeah, man, that’s cool. But aren’t you leaving?”

Youngjae makes up some lame excuse about having a question for the professor and Cody buys it, smiling as he says, “I’ll text you later.”

The door shuts behind him, leaving just Youngjae and Jaebum alone in the classroom. Youngjae slowly replays the class in his head, thinking of the things they talked and laughed about, and Jaebum watches with a piercing glare as Youngjae pieces it all together.

“Flirting with your lab partner?”

Youngjae gapes uselessly. “I-I didn’t…”

“I paired you two together,” Jaebum continues, tone dark. “I can split you two apart. I’ll put you with Jessie, she’s failing.”

It honestly hadn’t been intentional, leave it to Youngjae to not spot all the signs of a crush unless it’s thrown in his face. So he’s at a loss for words - he doesn’t even consider himself the flirty type. He was just so worried about the ‘our professor is hot’ topic and hadn’t realised that his blushing and short answers could also be interpreted as, “I think you’re cute, too.” Because apparently, that’s the body language Cody was reading. He was looking for a way in and Youngjae unknowingly opened his arms.

“I-I can…” Youngjae starts, licking his dry lips. Jaebum is leaning against his palm, elbow on the desk, his other hand lying across the wooden surface. He taps his fingers - irritated. His brow is arched - irritated. His lips are pursed - irritated. His gaze is deadly - irritated. Youngjae knows Jaebum has a short fuse, but being on his end of it is slightly terrifying. But also slightly exhilarating, because this is a first for their relationship. This look that Jaebum sends him is so different from the usual glare he gives his friends.

Jinyoung teases, pushes all the right buttons and gets Jaebum’s ears to turn red, and Youngjae’s seen that. He’s seen Mark and Jaebum go head to head, the two of them terrifying when angry, expressions morphed into something feral as their words explode with fury. Jinyoung usually tries to mediate, and those are the times where Youngjae stands to the side. If Jinyoung worries when his husband and friend argue, then everyone should worry.

This, though, this is a new situation for Youngjae. Having a steady relationship is new. Having a steady relationship with a teacher is new. It’s all new. And Youngjae thinks that something about this relationship - something about Jaebum, specifically - is shaping him to be someone else. Someone bolder. So in the midst of evil glares and lots of worry, brand new Bold Youngjae comes up with an idea that Rational Youngjae wouldn’t fainted at the thought of.

“You know that I only want you, professor.” Bold Youngjae speaks from the pits of his soul and this catches Jaebum off guard. His fingers stop tapping and his eyebrows relax. His gaze sweeps up and down as Youngjae takes a few steps forward; his body nearly vibrating with the thrill of what he’s thinking. 

“Professor…”

Jaebum pauses for a breath, feeling the excitement. “Yes, Youngjae-yah?”

The air between them sparks, and Youngjae feels the thrill of them as he gets closer and closer. Jaebum swivels his chair deliberately slow and Youngjae grabs the front of his ugly lab coat to reel him in and crash their lips together.

Jaebum’s resolve dies right then. This is what he wants, this is what he’s been thinking about since last Tuesday and their talk at the beach. This is what he’s been thinking of doing since Cody admired Youngjae’s ass when he wasn’t paying attention. So he responds as eagerly as Youngjae had hoped, quickly spinning the kiss around and slamming his student against the desk. Youngjae groans at the pain of the wood digging into his thighs, whimpering as Jaebum wastes no time getting to his feet, spreading Youngjae’s legs and slotting their hips together with immediate, wondrous pressure. 

It’d be too embarrassing to admit this out loud, especially considering how brash he’s being right now, but Youngjae has little to no experience in this field. He’s always liked boys but his strict parents made it difficult for him to try anything, even behind their backs. Not that he’d ever had the courage, anyway. College was supposed to be the world of opportunity for him, but he’s been too buried in books and studies and his pretty roommate is already seeing someone. Jackson is too good a friend to sleep with (his heart is too fickle for one-night stands or friends with benefits.) There have been a few guys that Youngjae’s considered doing things with, he’d gotten a blow job in a potential date’s room the end of his first year, but outside of that, nada.

Jaebum kisses him until they’re both out of breath and hard and Youngjae’s not thinking about his past anymore. He can feel the outline of Jaebum’s cock hard against his inner thigh and that’s a hell of a lot more important than the shit of his failed love life attempts from before. When their erections rub together through tight fabric, Youngjae’s whole body shivers and he has to bite his lip to hold his moans back.

“I’m gonna get you somewhere where you don’t have to hold back.” Jaebum whispers darkly into his ear. Youngjae closes his eyes and swallows thickly. “I’ll have you screaming my name as you cum. Let the whole world know you’re _mine_.”

Youngjae’s face is hot, from embarrassment, from being, well, _hot_ and turned on and really fuckin’ hard. Jaebum’s hands are all over him, gripping his hips and tugging on his hair. He’s in a whirlwind of passion and pleasure and can’t help it when he opens his mouth and says, “Professor, _please_ , you know I’m all yours.”

Jaebum’s hands tighten around Youngjae’s hips, holding him as if trying to break him. “Don’t call me that.”

Youngjae licks at the other man’s neck, kissing the skin there. “Why not, _professor_?”

“You’re gonna be the fuckin’ death of me.”

Then there are hands on his jeans and Jaebum is unzipping his pants. Youngjae glances at the closed door, trying to listen, trying to focus his attention long enough to try and hear if there’s a stray student or faculty in the hall. But his ears buzz with the rush of blood and he gives up once his jeans and boxers are sliding off his thighs. He flops back onto the desk, legs hanging off the edge, Jaebum sitting in the desk chair, head fitting between Youngjae’s thighs.

Youngjae nearly chokes when Jaebum wastes no time in licking his shaft, once, twice, getting a taste and feel of heat on his tongue. One of Youngjae’s hands grip the edge of the table above his head, the other one straying into the dark locks between his legs. Jaebum wastes even less time in swallowing him down, working and relaxing his throat as he takes in as much as he can. Jaebum swallows most of him, Youngjae can feel hot breath against the base of his cock and he whimpers, still chewing his lip.

Jaebum’s mouth is willing and wet as he bobs up and down. He sucks, cheeks hollowing as he does so. He leaves one hand flat on Youngjae’s hips to keep him down and the other reaches for Youngjae’s chin, directing him to _look_. Jaebum’s pupils are blown, lips red and wrapped around his student’s dick, cheeks flushed as they dimple out as he sucks. Youngjae whimpers again, watching as Jaebum hurries to get him off, the white residue of an erased lecture forming a dirty halo behind his shoulders.

Youngjae doesn’t know how to say it, so he just does. His head drops back against the desk with a _twack_ and both his hands fly to Jaebum’s hair, hips forceful as he tries to fuck up but is denied with two strong hands.

“I’m gonna cum,” He breathes a little louder than he should, but Jaebum just closes his eyes and doesn’t stop, sucking harder, using the flat of his tongue to tease the tip. He doesn’t even flinch when Youngjae releases into the back of his throat, swallowing around him.

Youngjae’s body is dripping sweat. He pats at his forehead and awkwardly gets to his feet, Jaebum helping him get his pants back on. Before he even gets to zip them up, he’s dropping to his knees, partially because he’s still strung out from his orgasm, but mostly because it’s, “Professor...”

Jaebum glances at the door. “Youngjae-yah, it’s okay, we can -”

“Shut up.” Youngjae mumbles darkly. “I wanna suck your cock.”

There are no qualms there, none whatsoever.

They make quick work of getting Jaebum’s dress pants and boxers to his ankles. He can only spread his legs so far with the fabric bunched up at his feet but Youngjae makes do. He places his hands on Jaebum’s thighs and gets close, until he can smell the sex coming off the older male and it swirls deeply inside him. He leans into to tentatively lick the tip, and Jaebum growls above him.

It’s bitter and salty and nothing like Youngjae had imagined. But it doesn’t stop him from wanting more. He opens his mouth just around the tip, swirling his tongue and taking Jaebum slowly, little by little, trying to relax his throat. 

This is a lot harder than Jaebum made it look, and that frustrates Youngjae a bit. Jaebum’s cock his hot and heavy against his tongue, it almost feels weird inside his mouth. And it’s not like it tastes good - Jaebum’s zeal had been misleading. But he has two hands carding through his hair and Jaebum’s head is lolled back, his breathing sporadic.

“That’s a good boy, Youngjae-yah, just like that.”

Youngjae hums around the dick in his mouth and Jaebum can’t hold a small moan of appreciation.

He doesn’t know the tips and tricks and doesn’t have time to learn them, so Youngjae does his best to suck Jaebum as quickly as he can. His jaw gets sore too quickly, he’s making _way_ too much noise, but Jaebum is soon huffing, gripping his hair tightly, warning him that he’s going to finish.

Youngjae braces himself, tries to relax his throat, but Jaebum is pushing him off, finishing into a tissue and as grateful as Youngjae is that he didn’t have to try that for the first time in a classroom at the risk of getting it on the chair, he’s embarrassed, too.

Jaebum leans forward and grabs Youngjae by the shirt, planting a kiss on his forehead.

“What time do you have class tomorrow?”

“Not until 5:30 at night.”

“Do you work?”

“Yeah, at eight.”

Jaebum smiles, saying the magic words, “Why don’t you come to my place tonight? I’ll bring you to work in the morning.”

They walk down the dark side of the parking lot and Youngjae hangs his head, ashamed that he can’t be see climbing onto Jaebum’s motorcycle so late at night. But once the helmets are on and his face is hidden from the world, he feels a little more confident.

~ * ~ * ~

Youngjae has 12 unread texts from his roommate by the time he arrives at Jaebum’s apartment.

**DabDab**

> Yo!!! Where u at  
10:45PM

> ????  
> Didn’t class end like forever ago ago where u at?  
10:52PM

> OH SHIT WAIT  
> YOU HAD CLASS WITH *PROFESSOR* IM  
> Ooooooo boy behave  
10:54PM

> Wait forreal should i be worried  
> Should i call jackson  
11:02PM

> ….damn ok it’s been an hour. Get it, playboy  
11:20PM

> But use a condom!!!  
11:24PM

> And lots of lube bc you’re a virgin, right!!?  
> Actually, use lots of lube anyway just use a l l the lube all the time  
11:33PM

Youngjae responds, omg shutup, and shoves his phone back in his pocket. Bambam is younger than him and giving him sex advice.

Jaebum lives in a modern complex off the highway, seventh floor. They park in the garage and take the elevator up. Which each ding as they pass the floors, Youngjae gets more and more nauseous.

He doesn’t know what he’s so scared of. He’s with Jaebum, who’s made it more than clear that he’s likes him, that he wants to protect him and love him. But there’s a nagging in the back of his head that tells him this is a bad idea - as it has been telling him since day one. But it’s too late to back out now. They’ve had their beach date, they’ve blown each other in a classroom, and now Youngjae is going to his apartment. Like a real couple. 

This is what they are, a real couple. Professor and student. Boyfriends.

“What’s wrong?” Jaebum asks as they step into his apartment. 

Being here feels so personal. Jaebum’s office on campus is rather impersonal, a few photos of his friends and his cat, no knick-knacks hanging around to tell stories, but his apartment is the opposite. It’s not a very large space but it’s comfortable. The cream colored walls are stacked with shelves, trophies and awards. He has a large, leather couch that’s perfect to bring friends over, he has a bookshelf stacked with so many books it could be it’s own section at the library. Everything is neat, tidy, meticulously placed. Even Nora sleeps on her bed beside the couch, barely lifting her head at the guests.

Youngjae takes a peek at the photos lining the walls by the large television. Photos of Jaebum in other countries - Paris, Tokyo, New York, New Dehli. Jinyoung is with him in some of them, the two of them grinning widely. Jaebum looks ten years younger in some of the photos. 

“You travel?”

“I did a lot for school, a lot of study abroad.” Jaebum points to a field of a beautiful field, snow-capped mountains faint in the distance. Jinyoung is in the photo, wearing a university sweater and the biggest smile. He barely looks the same, chubbier cheeked. “This was my first study abroad in Germany. Jinyoung and I were nineteen and eighteen.”

Youngjae marvels at a photo of the desert. “Where’s this?”

“India, three years ago.”

There are so many trinkets along the shelves and Youngjae’s afraid to touch them. He stares at a small, carved elephant for a long time, and eventually wanders into the kitchen. Jaebum is there, a pot of water on the stove already and he’s pulling noodles from the cabinet. Youngjae walks up to him and wraps his arms around his waist, resting against his shoulders.

“Hyung?”

“Yes, Youngjae-yah?” Jaebum totters around the kitchen with the younger attached at his waist. 

“I’m glad we decided to try this.”

Jaebum places the noodles down and turns to him, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him in for a slow kiss. “I’m glad you approached me first. I would’ve never. For a while I thought it was one-sided, but then you called me, drunk, and I figured it’d be best to push you away.”

Youngjae smiles a little at that. “You did get distant. And, Jackson says I was obvious the first day of class.”

“Oh, you were.” Jaebum laughs and Youngjae sputters. “I knew exactly what was happening when you put that textbook in your lap.”

“You never said anything!”

“It’s a weird thing to bring up.”

“You… you…”

“Me, what?” Jaebum looks beyond amused, loving the direction this is going in. “God, when you walked into my office after the first class I was so shocked. But I thought you were over it, even though I wanted to close the door and let you do whatever it was you were thinking of.”

That last one makes him blush a bit. 

“But I’m glad you and I waited. I’m glad that we’re here, right now, like this.”

It only takes a few words for Jaebum to assure him that this is worth it. Because Youngjae doesn’t know what he’d do if word got out and they got caught. He’s not even sure it would matter. He’s an adult, he can make his own decisions, and there are no biases in the classroom - or at least, during lecture hours. 

Jaebum threads his fingers through Youngjae’s soft hair, pushing it from his forehead so he can kiss him there. He’s so gentle with him and that makes Youngjae’s heart sing. He’s reduced to mush as Jaebum moves away to finish with dinner.

It’s not as good as his mom’s food, nothing can beat that, but Jaebum’s food is good. It’s nostalgic. Youngjae loves how loose Jaebum is when he’s not in front of a classroom. Like this Jaebum sitting across from him is a secret, and no one else knows how wonderful he really is. But at the same time, Youngjae wants nothing more than to _tell_ everyone. He wants to hold Jaebum’s hand and shout to the world that he’s one of the most wonderful people ever.

Youngjae helps with dishes and wipes down the table afterwards and is surprised to see the time. It doesn’t feel like it’s been three hours since class ended, but now it’s almost 1AM and the fatigue hasn’t settled in yet. Being in Jaebum’s home for the first time has him on cloud nine. Youngjae’s too excited about this new development in their relationship to be tired.

The prospect of spending the night doesn’t cross his mind until he’s looking at a photo of Jinyoung and Mark’s wedding, and two arms wrap around his waist and kisses are littered on his shoulder. Jaebum isn’t being shy. He nips at Youngjae’s nape, hands sliding down his hips and there’s a _very_ strong hint at what he wants: sex. And Jaebum’s leading them there, yet still giving the younger man a choice of whether or not he wants this.

Youngjae’s never had sex before, so there are alarms blaring in his head, a red light flashing in his face. He doesn’t necessarily believe in the idea of popping your cherry - that sex changes a person and who they belong to, but sex is still an intimate thing in his mind. First times, whether or not they’re related to sex, are nerve-wracking.

Goosebumps rise over Youngjae’s skin but his skin tingles beneath it, anxious for what’s to come.

Doubt battles with lust inside of Youngjae’s body, his nerves twisting in his gut. He’s the one who got hard the first time he laid eyes on his professor, he’s the one who imagined Jaebum commanding him to get on his knees and these are things that _excites_ him and it coils hotly in his stomach.

There’s a moment where the younger considers saying it; that this is his first time. But will that change how Jaebum treats him? Because Youngjae wants it however Jaebum is willing to give it. Hard and dirty or slow and vanilla; whatever. Youngjae wants _Jaebum._

Jaebum’s kisses fuel something inside of the younger, and he feels the passion start where open mouth kisses are placed along the column of his throat, his collarbones, his earlobe. Youngjae makes a small noise, fingers curling around the hem of Jaebum’s shirt. This is what he’s been thinking of; dreaming of, wishing for, and he’s not going to rush it. But, it’d be nice if they could move away from the center of the living room.

“H-Hyung… I’m getting hot.”

Jaebum smirks against his skin, a slide of his wet lips against Youngjae’s jugular as his mouth curls, and the sensation buzzes through his veins. Then there are lips on his, rough, dominating, and Jaebum cradles the back of his neck tightly, not letting the other go. Youngjae whimpers as the kiss is led and Jaebum leans into him, pressing the front of their clothed groins together. There’s a press of Jaebum’s half-hard erection and the warmth inside of Youngjae’s body explodes and erupts into flames. His toes curl as Jaebum’s tongue swirls into his mouth. Youngjae tugs impatiently on his professor’s shirt and whines. It’s ridiculous how much he wants this.

“Where’s your room?”

Jaebum bites on his lips and Youngjae’s painfully aroused. He squeezes his eyes shut and pleads again, “ _Professor_ , please, where’s your bedroom?”

He’s pulled so hard and so fast from his spot that he nearly trips, but Jaebum’s lips stay furious against his, eliciting moans. He whimpers as Jaebum palms his ass and squeezes him through his jeans, but then his pants are being unzipped by someone’s hands and Youngjae’s lying on the mattress, working on kicking off his jeans as he tries to shimmy his boxers off. They land on the floor and he’s tugging off his shirt, reaching out blindly for Jaebum’s hot, naked skin.

There are stars spirling in Youngjae’s head. His hands tremble. There’s already precum dribbling from the head of his erection, the stickiness smearing between their cocks; slick, as Jaebum presses them together. Every pressure, even the slightest, has Youngjae gripping the sheets and groaning, thrusting his hips in automatic response as Jaebum tugs slowly, their dicks sliding together.

Jaebum hovers over him, seated between Youngjae’s spread legs like he should be and the contrast between the wild fire ablaze in his shrouded eyes and the controlled hand around Youngjae’s cock is like a form of punishment. Jaebum handles himself without even a flinch but Youngjae’s coming undone against the sheets, lips parted and chest heaving as he struggles for oxygen, every stroke of Jaebum’s thumb against his tip proving his efforts fruitless.

In delirious response, Youngjae reaches with one hand to ghost his fingers over the faintly outlined muscles of Jaebum’s stomach. One of his legs slides up the slope of Jaebum’s side, over the flexing muscle of his biceps, his wrist still flicking casually at their dicks. Youngjae’s ankle fits over the curve of Jaebum’s shoulder, the other draped uselessly against the sheets, putting his body completely on display.

Youngjae and Jaebum are around the same height but their bodies aren’t built the same. They’re both healthy, and all of Jaebum’s hard edges fit into Youngjae’s soft sides. It’s something perfect. 

Jaebum’s hands palm at creamy thighs and he leans over slowly, shadows of the night dusting over his edges. Youngjae reaches to trace the angle of his jaw just as their lips slot together. It’s a full kiss, all at once and without hesitation, full of meaning. The cool metal from Jaebum’s silver chain tickles cooly against Youngjae’s collarbones. The rings on his fingers leave indents in the imprints on Youngjae’s thighs. 

They’re content in the push and pull of their mouths and tongues, honey-thick with pleasure as Jaebum continues to build up the tension between them with tortuously slow drags of his fist.

With his other arm resting against the mattress to support his weight, Jaebum whispers, “Let me hear you, baby,”

Youngjae bucks his hips, feening for more pressure, more friction. He still has one leg thrown over Jaebum’s shoulder, and uses that as leverage as he tries to push upwards with his hips. His eyes screw shut and he groans unabashedly at how he and Jaebum rub together.

“Tell me what you want.”

Youngjae’s words come out garbled, lost in a deep moan. “Fuck me, Jaebum-hyung.”

Then Jaebum’s body is off of his, sending him spiraling back down, horny and confused. Youngjae blinks at the ceiling and grabs at the vacant air before him. “H-hyung,”

“I’m here, baby.” Is the husky reply. More kisses on his chest. “I’m right here.”

Youngjae knows what’s coming but he’s still surprised by a sudden wetness between his legs. Jaebum applies some pressure and Youngjae’s leg falls from his shoulder and onto the tangled sheets, knees spreading widely. He bites his lip and whines as the intrusion pushes in, a sting rolling up his spine.

“Just keep telling me what you like and don’t like.” Jaebum works slowly, blown pupils fixated on the erotic sight underneath him. Youngjae’s cheeks are flushed, hair slicked back, eyelids fluttering as that burn becomes pleasurable. There are no words needed to command Jaebum to slide in another digit besides his pointer finger. The way Youngjae fists the sheets and gasps is all the reassurance needed. He mouths at his neck, licks at salty skin and whispers tenderly, “Do you like this, baby?” trying to ignore the way Youngjae clenches needingly around his fingers. He’s burning with need to be inside him.

It’s only when Jaebum crooks his finger against a very specific bundle of nerves that he knows Youngjae’s ready. 

Youngjae’s never managed to reach that spot before so the flood of pleasure is beyond what he’s ever experienced it before. And he experiences it with more than just his body, expressing need and want with his eyes and his hands, pulling at the sheets.

“Jaebum - please, I want your cock. I need _more._ ”

Jaebum couldn’t possibly make him wait, and makes quick of pulling on a condom and coating himself in lube. Youngjae’s legs are open and ready for him. Jaebum slides his hand underneath Youngjae’s ass to lift him off the mattress. Youngjae willingly obliges, watching with pupil-blown eyes. 

The initial push is painful, a frost creeping through the heat in Youngjae’s bones. Jaebum pushes in so slowly Youngjae can feel every edge of his cock through the thin latex. He knows Youngjae’s ready when there are sweaty palms on his cheeks and Youngjae is reeling him in for sloppy, open mouth kisses. He pulls his hips back and pushes forward with force and swallows up Youngjae’s pleads.

“Such a good boy,” Jaebum grunts as he fucks into his boyfriend with such an effort that the bed complains.

Youngjae chews on Jaebum’s lips, chest constricting, skin red, thighs shaking, and says, “Anything for you. Do what you want,” And then, in an airy tone that has Jaebum choking, “I want you to do what you want.” 

Jaebum cards his hand through Youngjae’s hair again, pushing his bangs from his sweaty forehead. The roots are wet with perspiration. Pre-cum smears on their bellies. Youngjae’s legs are open around unwavering hips. 

Jaebum readjusts his position, sliding further down, getting a deeper angle and the sudden assault on Youngjae’s sweet spot wrecks him. His spine arcs perfectly from the bed and his hands scramble, fingers tensing and clawing at Jaebum’s shoulders. All his noises cease as a breath catches in his throat, carrying off into a silent cry of bliss. Jaebum buries his face in Youngjae’s sweaty neck and licks at the wetness. 

“All I want, babe, is you. Just like this.”

Youngjae isn’t sure if he nods, mouth hanging open, mind jarred as Jaebum continues to fuck him. Youngjae is choked by the thick build of his orgasm, controlled by the force of Jaebum’s thrusts. He manages a muffled warning and cums heavily, releasing over their stomachs with another long drag of his fingernails against skin. Jaebum follows not too shortly after, gasping as his orgasm flows with stuttering hips and harsh love bites to Youngjae’s skin. 

Youngjae gasps for breath, hands rubbing over the red marks on Jaebum’s taunt skin, eyes blinking up at the ceiling. And Jaebum lies atop him, too tired to kiss him. But two of his fingers curl into Youngjae’s auburn hair, absently twirling a lock.

In all honesty, they could probably sleep here, tangled around each other, Jaebum still fully seated inside. But he makes the effort to move first, arms like lead and groin still sensitive. Youngjae hisses as Jaebum pulls out, thighs slippery with lube and cum, feeling heavier now that he’s empty.

As he recounts the events of that night, Youngjae realises that he was not expecting any of this. But there’s no way he regrets it, sighing happily as Jaebum slides into bed and cleans him up with a warm, wet towel. Afterwards he spoons him from behind, kissing his shoulders, gently rubbing his hip. 

Youngjae’s never gotten this far with his daydreams, usually too ashamed of his own dirty thoughts to allow himself to imagine what postcoital cuddling would be like with the other man. Cuddling with Jaebum is soft, comfortable and loving; a hand rubbing comfortingly up and down his leg. He leans in for kisses on Youngjae’s shoulders, his earrings graze Youngjae’s skin and he shivers, leaning back to meet his lips.

Jaebum finds his hand and holds it tenderly, kissing him with a passion that’s hot but different from the kisses moments ago.

Another contrast in his bad boy image that sends Youngjae’s heart careening off a cliff.

“How are you feeling?”

Youngjae twists in his boyfriend’s arm, burying his face into his chest and slotting a thigh between Jaebum’s.

“Good.”

There’s a light pressure of Jaebum’s hand on his lower back, presumably where the pain will set in once morning comes. Youngjae holds Jaebum’s thin waist a little tighter and allows for sleep to come.

~

When morning comes Jaebum is still there, smiling. But he’s ready to tease about the scarlet marks up and down his back from Youngjae’s nails.

“Did you enjoy yourself?” He teases with a glimmer in his eyes, a curl of his lips, but Youngjae glances at the time. He has class today. He has work today. He has -

Youngjae rushes to get out of bed and nearly slaps Jaebum in the face. “I have work in fifteen minutes!!”

And Jaebum rushes out bed, too, stumbling around the apartment to get his boyfriend a change of clothes. They hop on the motorcycle five minutes before Youngjae has to clock in, and the horror in the thought of being late erases all fears Youngjae has of the bike. He forgets to eat.

 

Jaebum drops him off, and shows up fifteen minutes later with a wrap from the food court. “Make sure you eat lunch.” He says, glancing towards the people wandering the halls of the mall at this odd shopping hour.

Youngjae lowers his head, trying not to make it obvious he wants a kiss. He knows they can’t though, in case someone recognizes them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how to smut or talk dirty idk.
> 
> & thank you guys for all your wonderful comments. i reply to what i can!!


	4. Forget-Me-Not

“So,” Jackson starts conversationally, his eyes glittering with a spark of something that’s a little more devious, “How’s the love life?”

Yugyeom glances up from his flashcards, but doesn’t say anything. 

Youngjae sighs and keeps his eyes down on his notes. “It’s, um, good.”

“Just _good_?” Bambam lifts his head from the desk, everyone thought he had been sleeping, and wears the same look of mischief as Jackson. “C’mon, you guys are basically forbidden - which, sorry, man, but I never thought you’d have such a fun love life, and I’ve seen the looks you two give each other when you guys pass on campus. It’s gotta be better than _good_.”

“Adventurous.” Yugyeom supplies, and the other two join in;

“Risky.”

“Dangerous.”

“Thrilling.”

Youngjae feels his cheeks heat up. “It’s um, it’s kinda… I don’t know. Professor Park and Professor Tuan know.”

“Why them?” Jackson asks. He has Tuan this semester for Biology. Bambam has Park for Psychology 101.

“They’re Jaebum’s friends. And they’re married.”

Jackson and Bambam look at each other and let out long “ooooh’s” because they hadn’t known. 

“They’re really cool about it, though. They were in his office the other day and they just sat and talked with us. They don’t seem to care about our age difference… or that I’m a student. They’re supportive.” 

“Seven years isn’t a big deal.” Yugyeom says, “My dad is five years older than my mom.”

“Yeah, I think my parents were five years apart, too. So what’s another two years?” Bambam smiles, forgetting his notes and exam tomorrow. “But - seriously, how’s the love life?”

They’re here for gossip. The three are staring at their blushing friend like hungry teenagers waiting for high school gossip. Youngjae doesn’t know what they’re looking for, though. 

He’s spent the past few weekends at Jaebum’s apartment. That has become their ‘our’ time. They see each other in class on Thursday nights and Jaebum walks Youngjae to the dorm. Jaebum picks Youngjae up from work on Fridays and they stay together until Sunday night, when Youngjae heads back to campus. It’s nice that they have that time together, that Youngjae can occasionally stop by his office to say hi, or have lunch. Their relationship on campus feels much smoother now that they’ve got the weekends together. While it’s still tense, it’s not written anywhere that students and professors can’t be friends, so this is the facade that the two of them maintain. Youngjae can go to his professor’s office for tutoring and not feel awkward now. They can share a burrito in his office and none of the rare visiting students or staff will bat an eye. What they’re lacking are dates. Things like going out to the movies or to dinner. They can’t do these things at the risk they’re caught.

Oh, speaking of getting caught, “We kinda… hooked up after the second class. After the beach, remember? I went up to him after class after everyone had left and he was grumpy because Cody had been flirting with me -”

Jackson rolls his eyes at the name. “You gotta tell that guy to buzz the fuck off.”

“So I kissed him and one thing led to the next… and, yeah. He pushed me on the desk and g-gave me… um,” Youngjae doesn’t want to be _vulgar_ , but he can’t think of a way to word this without making it sound dirty. Is there not a cute way to say blow job?

“Wait, he sucked your dick in a classroom?” Jackson’s eyes are bugging out of his head. He’s never been this quiet before. This is the gossip they came for.

Youngjae doesn’t like that wording, but the point has been made. “Yeah, and then I… returned… the favor…”

“Wait, wait,” Bambam waves his hand in the air, disbelieving. He’s leaning over the desk now, he and Yugyeom nearly on top of the table, whispering lowly, “You, sweet little Youngjae Choi, got on your knees and gave Professor Im a blow job in a public building?”

“Erm - um, yeah.”

“Goddamn,” Yugyeom’s impressed. “I wouldn’t have the balls.”

“No offense, dude, but I didn’t think you guys would’ve fucked by now. You seem like the type to wanna take it mad slow.” Jackson pulls his snapback off his head and leans back in his hair. His lips are quirked into an amused grin. “So you guys have had sex already?”

Youngjae nods and picks his pen back up with a furious flourish, “Guys, can we go back to our homework?”

“No. You gotta tell us all the good stuff.” Bambam laughs as his boyfriend says, “Or Bammie and I will talk about _our_ sex life.”

“We don’t need to know about that shit we can _hear_ it.” Jackson glares accusingly, not all amused. But the boyfriends laugh and Yugyeom slings an arm around the thinner boy, kissing his cheek.

“Is he good in bed? He’s gotta be. He seems like a one-night stand kinda guy. Lots of practice.” But Bambam quickly amends his comment by saying, “Not that he seems like the type opposed to settling down, ya know?”

Youngjae finds that he actually kind of wants to talk about this. He wants to be able to talk about his relationship to his friends because that makes it seem more real, more solid. It makes it seem like this isn’t something they have to totally keep hidden. As exciting as it may be to suck his professor off in a classroom late at night and risk getting caught, Youngjae _likes_ Jaebum. He wants them to openly be together. He wants something not so hush-hush. He’s tired of keeping his sexuality a secret, but now he has to hide his relationship.

He’s about to tell them that Jaebum talks kinda dirty in bed and it makes him crazy. But the subject of their conversation meets Youngjae’s gaze from across the floor and Youngjae immediately slides under the table with a pathetic whine. He can _feel_ Jaebum’s all-knowing smirk from across the room. And to make matters worse, Jaebum is crossing the library, all long strides and polished shoes and a checkered shirt that’s flattering around his waist.

Jackson notices Jaebum first, also hiding behind his homework assignments. They were just talking about his dick and it’s a little weird that their gazes met while Jackson was asking of his sex life.

Besides Jaebum is with another professor none of the boys have had before, an old man with white hair and deep wrinkles around his mouth; a friendly guy.

“Youngjae-yah, how are you?” Jaebum smiles at Jackson, too, who’s blushing and stunned. With his attention diverted, Jaebum drops a sly hand on the back of Youngjae’s chair, his thumbnail grazing one of the knobs of his spine, right above the tag of the shirt. That small, fleeting touch kicks Youngjae’s arousal awake and he stiffens. Bambam chews on his lips, trying to contain his amusement. This is definitely a side of his roommate he’s never seen before.

“Did you have questions on the assignment?” Jaebum asks, leaning over slightly so his physique is hovering. The way Youngjae likes. 

“Nope. I’m good.”

“Ah, is he in your class?” The old professor asks with a smile. Jaebum introduces him and Professor who the fuck cares, and Youngjae as his star student. Innocent. Not at all suspicious. 

Youngjae wants to die now, thanks.

The old professor has questions for the boys, he’s curious about Bambam’s name and accent. He has some weird fun fact about the symbol on Jackson’s university snapback. And Jaebum continues leaning on Youngjae’s chair, his thumb scraping a surprisingly sensitive part of his boyfriend’s body - the back of his neck. A spot where no one would notice unless they’d been looking for it. Youngjae jumps in his seat, accidentally kicking Yugyeom’s long legs under the table.

Yugyeom looks from Youngjae’s pale expression to Jaebum’s unconcealed smugness, chuckling to himself. He’ll forgive Youngjae for kicking him.

Jaebum eventually takes over the conversation and formally meets Yugyeom and Bambam for the first time. He says it’s a pleasure, says that they are more than welcome to contact him if they ever need anything. Yugyeom jokes and says he needs a recommendation and Jaebum offers a small smile. Controlled and suave. It seems professional to the eyes of the public. 

“Of course.”

He even asks Jackson how he’s doing this semester. What classes is he taking? How did he do with his other classes last semester?

“I did fine. Thanks, Jaebum.”

Jaebum pulls out that professional smile again, saying, “It’s Professor Im, Jackson.” so effortlessly.

Bambam and Yugyeom howl with laughter and Jackson quickly stumbles, putting a hand over his heart and feigning pain. “So chic.” 

When he leaves with another swift touch to the nape of Youngjae’s neck, Bambam and Yugyeom rush to gather their things and leave with him. The other professor is there, preventing them from saying anything suspicious, but Yugyeom can end Youngjae’s life in Korean.

Jackson turns to Youngjae. “I hope you know those two are up to something. Yugyeom’s probably gonna get his number.”

Youngjae swallows thickly, too much saliva in his mouth. “Yeah.”

And then, staring at the closed elevator doors, Jackson mumbles, “Does he deliver in bed? Because don’t think I didn’t notice how you got all bothered by him touching your neck. He _barely_ touched you. How sensitive are you?”

Jackson gets stabbed in the arm with a pen.

~ * ~ * ~

Youngjae, because of much insisting from his friends to be romantic, because Cody has texted him a few times and ‘accidentally’ touched his thigh during class, (Jaebum saw the action from the front of the class and accidentally snapped off a nucleotide of his DNA model) wakes up early on a particular Saturday morning and takes the city bus to Jaebum’s apartment. He stops for some necessities at the market down the street and then stands outside of a flower shop for so long that the shopkeeper steps outside to offer assistance. Youngjae blushes furiously, leather-wearing motorcycle-riding Jaebum surely wouldn’t like flowers. But Youngjae would. There’s a little romanticists in him that would like a bouquet of flowers.

“I’m sure your girlfriend would love a bundle of roses.” The woman says with a smile, and Youngjae shakes his head slowly.

“Boyfriend.”

The woman motions with her hand again, smiling beautifully. “Oh, we have plenty of boys and girls that come in here looking for flowers for a boyfriend. Perhaps a cactus?”

“No, that wouldn’t work, he has a cat.”

The woman laughs at that, her hair as golden as the sunshine. “Okay, what about a small bouquet? Nothing too fancy.”

Youngjae is persuaded by that option, and he slides inside the shop behind her. He follows the small woman around the isles as she searches for something in particular. But a vase of small, blue flowers catches Youngjae’s attention.

“What are these?”

“Forget-me-not’s.” She studies her customer’s expression. “Would you like a handful of these?”

So Youngjae leaves the shop with a small bundle of Forget-Me-Not’s. He feels more and more ridiculous as he catches people glancing in his direction. Jaebum is, for sure, not going to like _flowers_. 

They almost get thrown out, but Youngjae paid for them. And they’re pretty. Forget-Me-Not’s are pretty. So he takes the elevator up to Jaebum’s apartment and knocks sturdily on the door, as if he weren’t shaking in his shoes.

Jaebum opens the door looking like he slept well, hair tousled and wearing nothing but a loose pair of boxers. He looks beyond confused that his boyfriend is standing in the doorway, “I thought you said you were going to stay in and study for midterms?”

Youngjae ignores the question completely and shoves the flowers into Jaebum’s bare chest, almost smushing them against his skin. “Theseareforyou.” He gushes, and Jaebum blinks slowly as he takes apart the words.

He stares at the tiny blue flowers pressed against his chest. “You got me… flowers?”

Youngjae nods furiously.

Jaebum ushers him in, silent as he moves to the kitchen. He digs through the cabinets for a glass since he doesn’t have a vase, and fills the cup with cold water. The flowers go above the sink, on the windowsill, looking dainty in the sunlight. There’s a crease in Jaebum’s forehead that’s worrying Youngjae - like maybe the flowers were offensive? They were a bad idea? He blew it. Great.

But, after too long a silence, Jaebum asks, “Youngjae-yah… I’m sorry… but what’s the occasion? Did I forget something?”

Youngjae grins immediately, the smile over taking his face, and he laughs. “Hyung, no, I just wanted to get you something. I brought food, too, let’s make lunch!”

Jaebum smiles and cradles Youngjae’s head with his hands. “I love the flowers, babe.”

~ * ~ * ~

Youngjae loves Jaebum’s hands.

Of course he loves the rest of him, all of Jaebum, inside and out, but his hands are the best part of them. They can unravel Youngjae is the best of ways. He loves the way Jaebum holds a pen as he tutors, the way his fingers curl around Youngjae’s neck as they kiss, the way they fit between Youngjae’s own fingers, or the way Jaebum’s hands are all over him when they’re in bed. Youngjae loves the way Jaebum’s fingers card through his hair, loves the way Jaebum holds his hand against the mattress when they have sex. He loves the way Jaebum’s hands always find their way to his thighs, massaging his thighs while Jaebum’s lips tell him how glorious his legs are. Those hands make him feel so many things. And Youngjae knows, even if they’re sometimes rough, Jaebum would never hurt him. Youngjae feels safe and loved.

As their relationship progresses, sliding into three months together, Youngjae finds that there are so many parts of himself that he hadn’t even been aware of. But Jaebum unwraps each part of him so easily, without even thinking about it.

Jackson, Yugyeom and Bambam hadn’t been wrong when they said Youngjae was the type to take it slow. That’s always the kind of person he thought he was, but Jaebum proves that this isn’t true. 

Not only did Youngjae get on his knees only a few days after they made this official, not only did he have sex not too long after, Youngjae finds that he doesn’t want to take this slow. He dives into the physical part of their relationship without even thinking about it. And it’s not that he doesn’t value their time together, he loves that their relationship can go from one extreme to the next. He loves that Jaebum can be soft _and_ rough with him without making him feel like he’s being used. Because that’s what Youngjae was always afraid of; jumping into something too quickly and realizing that it’s all a mess and it’s all fake, based on lust instead of love. And Youngjae believes in true love.

He believes in it when Jaebum tutors him in his office. When their eyes catch from over the heads of students during class. When Jaebum plays music in his apartment and they sing and dance around the kitchen. When Jaebum takes pictures of him playing with Nora. 

Youngjae’s heart seizes and he kisses with fervor, trying to block out whatever feeling is clenching his heart, instead climbing into his boyfriend’s lap. 

It isn’t long before Jaebum is shedding Youngjae of his clothes, on the couch, in the mid-afternoon with daylight draping in through the windows. Youngjae never thought he’d be comfortable with this, they’ve only so far had sex in the bedroom with dim lighting, but he’s not feeling so self conscious. 

Jaebum lays Youngjae against the couch, the light brushing his skin and the soft curves of his figure. This is the first time Jaebum’s seeing him like this, because the younger is usually shy about his body. His skin is soft in the light; delicate. Jaebum wants to mark him up, give him something to remember when he goes home for holiday break. Youngjae’s cock is flushed, stiff and curving slightly towards his belly. Jaebum slides his hands over the boy’s creamy thighs and moves his way towards Youngjae’s shaft, slowly wrapping his fingers around.

Youngjae blushes furiously under his boyfriend’s gaze. Jaebum halts time to admire Youngjae, to kiss him up and down and tug torturously slow on his dick. It’s impossible to say how long they lie on the couch together, just tasting and touching, slowly shedding clothes, Jaebum having to step away at some point to find lube. Youngjae shivers as a tongue brushes against his nipple as Jaebum returns to cover him warmly, nerves jittery as Jaebum moves his way up to his lips, lubed fingers sliding between his legs.

And then, in a husky voice that makes Jaebum lose his self control, Youngjae asks, “How do you want me, hyung?”

Jaebum grips dangerously hard on his thighs, groaning. “I want you in my lap, baby boy.”

Youngjae gets to his shaky knees as Jaebum slips on a condom. He uses Jaebum’s shoulders as a brace. Youngjae’s thighs are shaking as he poises himself, knees on either side of his boyfriend’s legs, hands on his shoulders. Youngjae allows himself to be led. His body becomes pliant and willing. His head slumps back. Jaebum watches the way Youngjae’s expression changes, flickering from pain to pleasure as he sinks down on his length.

Their chests bump as the younger drops forward, breath shuddering as he takes a moment. 

Jaebum isn’t prepared when Youngjae moves on his lap, hips bucking tentatively, a low moan rumbling near his ear, against his neck. Jaebum drops his head against the back of the couch, hands scrambling for fistfuls of Youngjae’s round ass. Youngjae whimpers at the harsh touches and undulates his hips again.

His hips flow from there, rolling for more friction but it doesn’t feel like he can move fast enough, Youngjae wants _more_. And he finds what he wants as he lifts his hips, sinking back down very suddenly and very quickly, muscles jerking without him even having to think about it. 

Youngjae finds his prostate and the noise he makes causes Jaebum to bite his shoulder.

His enthusiasm makes it easy for Jaebum to lean back and enjoy this - enjoy Youngjae riding him, leather of the sofa against his sweaty shoulders, Youngjae’s toes curling off the side of the couch. He holds Youngjae tight, one arm wrapped securely around his middle as he bounces in a frenzy, face scrunched in pleasure. Jaebum’s other hands firmly holds his ass, kneading the soft flesh. His mouth busies with licking the sweat that trails from Youngjae’s hairline down the arch of his jawline, down his pale neck, burning up in the rise of his orgasm.

“H-hyung…” Youngjae whimpers, fingers lost in Jaebum’s hair.

“Yes, baby, talk to me.”

“Touch me, please.”

Jaebum doesn’t hesitate. He stills Youngjae in his lap, crashes their lips together in a bruising kiss and thrusts up as his hand wraps around the pearling cock trapped between their bellies. Youngjae lets out a choked moan into his mouth.

It takes a bit of adjusting, Jaebum plants his feet farther apart on the floor and he leans back against the sofa, digging his heels into the floor as he thrusts upwards. Youngjae scrambles and Jaebum holds him tightly, watching as Youngjae falls apart in his lap; in his hands.

Youngjae cums first with a shout, his vocals echoing off the walls. Jaebum cums after him. His face twists in pleasure and Youngjae kisses him until he finishes his orgasm. 

Pulling away is uncomfortable and wet. Youngjae lies on the couch and Jaebum is quick to get on top of him. 

“No, Jaebum, _gross_.” The younger complains as their bodies rub together, cum still wet against their bellies, between his thighs.

But Jaebum just chuckles and moves in for a kiss. Long and sweet. Lots of tongue. Youngjae blinks in confusion when their kiss breaks. But he’s led to the bathroom, where he and Jaebum argue over water temperature.

“It’s too cold!” Youngjae uses his foot to slide the dial closer to the worn little ‘H’ on the handle. The more it turns, the warmer the water gets. Jaebum quickly swats at him. 

“Are all your showers this hot?” Jaebum has to hit a little harder to get the defiant foot away from the dial. 

“Are all your showers this cold?” 

“It’s _warm_. I shower with warm water, like a normal person.” The dial twists again.

“This water comes from the North Pole.”

“Your water comes from Hell.”

Youngjae sputters a laugh, twisting the dial once more in his favor. He puts his fists at the sides of his head and sticks his pointer fingers out, resembling horns. “I’m a demon! I need the hot water to survive!”

Jaebum laughs at that, his annoyance washing down the drain, along with the scalding hot water that beats mercilessly on his shoulders. “I knew it, you couldn’t be an angel.”

Youngjae’s laughters are cut off by lips to his. At some point between washing each other’s hair and flinging suds in each other’s faces, Jaebum calls his boyfriend a demon and Youngjae laughs again, putting up his finger horns and saying, “I’m a soul-sucking demon.”

There’s an _implication_ that Youngjae the Demon clearly hadn’t meant or caught on to, but it brings a wonderful sensation coiling into Jaebum’s abdomen. Youngjae doesn’t realise what he’s said until he sees the reflection of a devious response. 

Instead of shying away, Youngjae grins, his wet hair pushed back and lips slick with water and says, “Give me your soul, Jaebummie.”

“Come take it.”

Jaebum is pressed up against the shower tiles, his dick already half hard. 

“What a good boy.”

There’s a look of feral desire that flashes in Jaebum’s eyes, clearly surprised by the role revision but _clearly_ not upset with it. He grabs Youngjae by his head and reels him in, crashing their mouths together in an almost painful kiss. Youngjae loses his breath, groaning at the force.

He drops to his knees without warning and there’s no resistance. Jaebum’s grips his hair and presses his tip to Youngjae’s swollen lips. Their gazes meet, igniting a heat inside Youngjae’s belly, groaning as there’s a demanding tug on his hair, and he allows his eyes to flutter shut as Jaebum pushes into his mouth.

By the time Jaebum cums, Youngjae works hard to swallow his orgasm. Some cum dribbles down his lips but he licks it up, using his fingers to reach what he can’t with his tongue.

Jaebum leans against the cold shower tiles, pulling Youngjae in for a kiss, not caring about the strong taste of himself in the other boy’s mouth. And the cold water beats against their pressed bodies, but neither of them are paying it any mind.

~ * ~ * ~

Youngjae’s sleeping patterns resemble your typical college student’s. It’s all or nothing. It’s either three hours, or twelve. With a nap. Jaebum sleeps like an adult that’s got his life under control, in bed at a reasonable time and up at eight. He may look punk rock, but the man needs his eight hours. It’s adorable. Today, Youngjae sleeps until ten and rolls over to find that Jaebum’s still there. This never happens. They’ve slept together often enough now that Youngjae can rightfully say this is not a normal Jaebum pattern.

But it’s a moment that Youngjae will never forget. Sleeping Jaebum is a look that Youngjae’s never seen before, and it softens his heart and makes him love him even more. 

Youngjae thinks he knows all of Jaebum’s expressions - rage, confusion, love, happiness, content, anger, sadness, the list goes on - but this a whole new one. It’s Jaebum unguarded. It’s not the same as relaxed, like when they took a bath last weekend and settled on opposite ends of the tub, Youngjae playing with the bubbles like a child and Jaebum smiling at him, helping him make a bubble beard. It’s not the same as at ease, when he’s up at the front of the class during an exam, casually watching the students as they scribble furiously at his tests. It’s not the same as content, like when they were at the beach for their first and only date, where they stuck their feet in the ocean and walked ankle-deep in the saltwater, fingers locked and smiles telling stories without words. 

No, this Jaebum is untroubled. Lips parted into a small ‘o.’ His arm is draped over Youngjae’s waist, his hair is fluffy like a puppy’s, and he’s, again, a whole new person. A person that Youngjae feels safe and at ease with. There’s a softness that Youngjae never thought existed. A state of complete serenity that Youngjae isn’t aware he’s the source of. 

When he wakes up it’s slow and his hands never move away from Youngjae. There’s a look in his eyes that matches the tranquility of this moment, a smile spreading over his lips that’s gentle and adoring. 

“Good morning, babe.”

And even though they can’t bring this relationship out into the light, even though they can’t love each other openly because of their status differences, Youngjae realises that this is all they need. Their age difference, their statuses, their families, none of that matters.

Youngjae pulls out his phone, hoping to capture at least a piece of this moment. Jaebum snuggles closer despite their still sleepy expressions. They pose for a few, laugh at how cute-sy they’re being. Their hair is a mess, Youngjae has a cowlick, there are red splotches still sore on their necks, they’re clearly naked. And there’s one selfie where Youngjae captured a moment in which a look of complete adoration is glistening in Jaebum’s half-lidded eyes, reflecting in the sunlight against his beautiful smile.

Youngjae stares at that photo for a long time, hiding it from Jaebum until he processes his own feelings. 

“I love you.”

Jaebum closes his eyes and snuggles closer, saying, “Love you, too, Youngjae-yah.” without hesitation.

Youngjae closes his eyes as they kiss, arms bent between their chests as Jaebum cranes towards him to meet their lips for a kiss that’s full of passion. A kiss that will linger; forget-me-not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> womp. the sap got out of control.


	5. My Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait! i always wait until i have the whole fic written before posting but i decided to change a few things (the chapters went from 6 to 7 idk if anyone noticed) and the smut in this chapter got ouT OF CONTROL pls help me
> 
> side pairing: jackson/oc

“Youngjae,”

There’s a hand shaking his shoulder, but he does not feel an urgency to get out of underneath the covers. No, no thanks.

“Youngjae-yah,”

There’s a frenzy in Jaebum’s voice that startles Youngjae, even in this sleepy state. His brain registers the panic before the words, sees it in Jaebum’s small eyes before he can catch up with what’s happening.

“I’m sorry.”

Youngjae blinks at his boyfriend, blinking through his drowsy daze, trying to yank his still-tired brain back into the real world. He had been so deep in a sweet dream, something about he and Jaebum on a date together, that his body is reluctant to wake up. He’s on his feet before he knows what’s happening, his knees threatening to buckle.

“Babe, really, I’m sorry.”

His clothes from last night are being shoved into his arms and Jaebum is digging out a clean pair of boxers from the drawer on the nightstand, the drawer that’s unofficially Youngjae’s. He’s slipping on his jeans when he notices Jaebum collecting his textbooks and pens from the desk in the corner.

It clicks just then, dragging his mind out of dreamland and into the room. “Are you kicking me out?”

Jaebum looks painfully apologetic.

“You’re kicking me out.” It’s not a question, he’s only just now realising it.

“The science department is here - I forgot I invited them over.”

Youngjae clenches his sweater to his chest, horror sparking in his veins. “W-What? How many… how many people is that?”

“They’re not all here yet, it’s just Mark, Harry and Julia.”

Minus Mark, Youngjae doesn’t know who these people are.

The doorbell rings and it makes Jaebum rush even more. “Babe, really, I’m so sorry. I don’t want to do this to you -”

“How am I supposed to leave?” Youngjae’s panicking now. They might get _caught_. They’re risking losing everything they’ve been working so hard to keep quiet. Having to leave like this isn’t ideal - but Youngjae understands. He understands what’s at stake.

“Mark’s distracting them in the kitchen, we don’t have much time.”

Youngjae grips his backpack to his chest, dizzy with lack of oxygen because he suddenly can’t breathe, hands shaking, his knuckles white, and ducks around the corner to the living room. Mark has all the professors herded in the kitchen, out of view. His eyes meet with Youngjae’s for a second as he ducks past. Mark looks beyond amused, and it makes Youngjae turn red to the tips of his ears.

He slides out the front door without even a goodbye kiss, the two of them too much in a rush to bother with a proper farewell.

Just as Youngjae thinks he’s out of hot water, color returning to his knuckles as he releases his grip on his backpack to sling it over his shoulder, he rounds the corner and Jinyoung is there, walking towards Jaebum’s apartment with another professor from the university, the two of them carrying coffee’s and laughing.

Jinyoung spots Youngjae and chokes mid-laugh, expression blanching.

Youngjae speeds past him and the other professor, avoiding eye contact with the both of them.

Once he’s safe on a bus, Youngjae leans back in the seat and catches his breath. There’s a bubble in his chest, a twisting in his stomach, but he tells himself it was okay. No one saw him. Mark and Jinyoung are there to help. Jaebum really does care for him. They’re _okay_.

There are text messages from Jaebum in his inbox by the time he gets as comfortable as possible on public transportation.

 

**Jaebummie ♥ ♥**

> I’m so sorry. I don’t know how I forgot they were coming. I didn’t mean to do that to you.  
_9:03am_

It’s okay. Sneaking out was scary but we did it! <  
_9:08am_

> You know that if I could, I wouldn’t hesitate to introduce you as my boyfriend  
_9:10am_

I know that. <  
_9:11am_

> Call me before you go to bed tonight. Finish up your class strong.  
_9:15am_

I’m so glad this final is a week early… I can study more for my other classes <  
_9:16am_

> Right. I’ll see you Thursday to help you with your math class?  
_9:25am_

> Text me when you get back to the dorm. Text me after your final. Text me all day  
_9:27am_

I will. I love you. <  
_9:29am_

> I love you too, sunshine.  
_9:38am_

> Hey this is Jinyoung BE MORE CAREFUL YOU ALMOST GOT CAUGHT. I thought you were the smarter of the two, my darling Youngjae. I knew you slept over his place but I thought you guys kept it as a weekend thing and last I checked it’s Tuesday not Sunday.  
_9:45am_

> you two are so cute i can’t believe it?? jb’s never a sap. And it’s funny af that you almost got caught. Like high school when you have a secret bf/gf over and your parents come home early and one has to climb out the window. Classic.  
> OH HE CALLS YOU SUNSHINE THAT’S PRECIOUS  
_9:50am_

> Excuse Mark he babbles when he’s excited. But, yes, you and JB are very cute together.  
_9:51am_

LOL HI MARKJIN HYUNGS!!!!! <  
And thank yooooooouuuuu <  
_9:56am_

Tell jaebum I’m back at my room! <  
_10:00am_

> JB is busy hosting, but I will DISCREETLY let him know. Take some notes on what discreetly means. Good luck on your final  
_10:08am_

> Youngjae… I had no idea these two morons had my phone I’m so sorry you had to deal with them. You’ve suffered too much because of me today.  
_11:17am_

LOL IT’S OKAY <  
I have my final now WISH ME LUCK PLS <  
_11:22am_

> I know you’ll do well.  
_11:17am_

 

~ * ~ * ~

Finals ruin everything. Bambam has all but officially switched rooms with Jackson, so Jackson stays with Youngjae and Bambam with Yugyeom. Jackson barely sleeps and Youngjae stays up with him, the two of them sharing McDonald’s at three in the morning. Jackson’s the best at taking care of his health, he’s the only one that actually knows how to read the nutrition label on the side of a box, but tonight he shovels french fries in his mouth and tells his roommate, “This is our little secret.”

Youngjae shoves the last bit of burger into his mouth and nods. “I have energy drinks under my bed.”

Jackson gets up out of his chair. “Nope, I draw the line at energy drinks. We’re dumping those out.”

Youngjae runs next door to get Bambam (his hair is a mess and he’s looking a little dazed - someone was _not_ studying for the upcoming finals) but he rushes out to help Youngjae save their stash of Monster. Yugyeom lies in their bed, shirt bunched up over his chest, panting heavily, just as dazed as his boyfriend.

YoungBam save their precious energy drinks and the four of them pass out in the same room as the sun comes up. Yugyeom is the poor soul with a Monday morning final, bright and early at nine. Bambam, being the supportive boyfriend he is, jokingly tells him he’ll break up with him if he misses his final.

Yugyeom grumbles to himself as he pulls on a shirt that’s not his. “Why do I love you?”

“For reasons I can’t say in front of the others.”

Jackson shoves Bambam off the bed.

 

~ * ~ * ~

A few days before his Biology final, Youngjae awkward slides into Professor Tuan’s office. Mark doesn’t even look surprised, smiling at his visitor.

“What’s up?”

“I need to study, can I do that here?”

Professor Tuan laughs, a burst of energy that fits him, makes him seem more approachable. “Why? Is JB distracted with a different kind of biology?”

He’s hinting at sex. It makes Youngjae flustered, but he knows it’s in good fun and not at all condescending. He’s comfortable with Mark. “We… uh, no.”

“I’m so glad you two have each other.” Mark says as he reaches out, taking the outline for Professor Im’s Biology final from the student’s hands. It’s said as if it were a given, as if it doesn’t even need to be said for Youngjae to know how lucky he is, and it makes his chest swell with love and support.

“Oh, damn, he’s not playing with this final, huh?” Mark pulls out a blue pen, using his teeth to uncap it. “Where’s your textbook?”

“I don’t have one. He posts all the lectures online.”

Mark looks thoroughly amused with this information, it must be some weird inside joke between faculty, so Youngjae doesn’t press it. Instead he pulls up the lecture slides on Mark’s computer and digs out his notes. Mark practically gives him all the answers to the final. About halfway through he stops at one of the questions, then gets up and leaves, signaling the student to stay put.

And Youngjae does, sitting awkwardly in Professor Tuan’s office. He comes back with a copy of the final, Professor Im’s handwriting all over it in red pen. Youngjae nearly has a heart attack.

“Calm down, I’m not giving you the master copy.” Mark always looks like he’s thinking more than he says, always looking amused. “I like you, but not like that.”

After a little bit, Jinyoung comes in and sees the exam in Mark’s hands. “Honey, _seriously_?”

“This isn’t what it looks like!” Mark laughs, hiding the exam with his own binders. But Jinyoung comes and fights him for the papers. Youngjae laughs and announces his exit. Professor Tuan has been an abundance of help.

“Okay, text me if you have any questions!” Mark is nearly successful in keeping Jinyoung’s hands off the final. “I know all the answers! Literally!” He makes the mistake of waving the exam in the air, making it easy for his husband to snatch it from him.

Youngjae slides out of the room. He goes to Professor Im’s office down the hall, peeking his head in. Jaebum is working with two other students, so Youngjae apologises for intruding and stumbles, almost calling Jaebum by his name instead of Professor Im in front of the two girls.

Jaebum flashes him a smile, and then in Korean, “Are you staying in to study tonight?”

“No, not tonight. Jackson has a library date and my brain is melting, I need a break. Do you want me to come over?”

“Come over for a movie.”

“I have work in the morning, and a final after that.”

“I’ll give you a ride.”

Youngjae smiles and slides out of the room, hearing the two girls excitedly ask what language they had been speaking in.

 

~ * ~ * ~

On Thursday, at about 9 o’clock at night, Youngjae hands in his Biology exam. He puts it in Professor Im’s hand and bites his lip, trying to keep his giddiness contained.

“Thank you, professor.”

“It’s been a pleasure teaching you, Youngjae.”

And then, just for formality’s sake, “Have a good holiday.”

Jaebum is poised, directing his attention downwards towards the stack of exams before him. Flippant; something he’d be with a student he liked, but wasn’t having a secret relationship with. He hides the thrill he feels behind his bangs. “You, too.”

The girl that sat across from Youngjae steps up besides him, handing in her exam. She doesn’t pick up on any weird aura, and wishes them both a good break.

Youngjae walks out of his Biology class for the last time.

The semester is over.

Youngjae Choi is no longer Professor Im’s student.

 

~ * ~ * ~

_Going home_ has a totally different meaning this vacation than it did last vacation. Last break, he was telling himself to leave this foolishness aside. He was trying to tell himself that Jaebum was nothing more than his professor; a normal, professional relationship. But now he has Jaebum, has him as a lover, and it's already hard enough to walk across campus and not hold hands or kiss him when he pleases. Because no one knows. Youngjae and Jaebum have this, but only somewhat. Only in a small, restricted personal bubble.

They meet in Jaebum’s office because they can't meet anywhere else. They have to hide behind the door, because Jaebum fears that one of his colleagues will eventually piece A and B together if they notice that Jaebum’s door closes when a very particular brunet student closes the door behind him every time he enters. They can't take that risk that someone will notice.

It's almost painful to kiss in the office. These kisses are always tentative and careful, the two boys keeping an ear out for footsteps down the hall, pulling most of their attention away from the kiss. Jaebum can't hold Youngjae the way he wants to, can’t make him moan the way he’d like to. Youngjae has to focus too much energy into curbing his desire, which makes it impossible to enjoy Jaebum’s kisses with usual enthusiasm. Their kisses are burning with more, with desire that burns hot despite having to swallow that down.

It’s daunting for Youngjae to kiss Jaebum in a reserved way; in this way that doesn't satisfy him at all, and knowing that these restricted kisses are their good-bye’s, makes this even harder. Jaebum lets his lips linger, holds his breath as Youngjae closes his eyes, mouths only inches apart, as they reel in their emotions.

“I wish I could show you how much i’m going to miss you.” Jaebum whispers, gaze shifting to the door that's slightly ajar, his attention not all where he wants it to be. Youngjae knows those beautiful eyes aren't on him not because Jaebum isn't interested, it's because he's on the lookout. Youngjae knows and understands this, and tries to tell his heart to stop complaining. This is the best he can get.

But the want becomes tenfold when Youngjae thinks this is the last time he's going to have this chance for another month. They might not have been together long, so the thought of being apart is a burden.

Youngjae is gingerly pressed against the desk until there are the sound of footfalls reaches the room. By the time Jinyoung peers in, Jaebum and Youngjae are on opposites of the desk, upholding teacher/student appearances.

“Youngjae, don’t you have a plane to catch?” Jinyoung knows what he interrupted, but is impressed they managed to get their composure so quickly.

Youngjae nods and turns to smile at Jaebum, full of longing. As he turns to say goodbye to Jinyoung, Jaebum grabs him by the wrist and reels him around for another kiss.

“I’ll miss you, babe.”

Their lips brush and there’s a temptation to say ‘fuck it’ and miss his flight. Youngjae almost wishes he could’ve stayed here for break. “You too,”

Jinyoung hugs the student on his way out, wishing him safe travels and a relaxing vacation. Youngjae returns the sentiment and leaves the door open behind him. He wishes that Jaebum could say his good-bye’s outside, but they know that’s still not possible. Next semester, when they don’t have classes together. Next semester, he can tell his parents. Next semester, he can probably stay with Jaebum over break. Next semester, they can publicly ease into this.

 _Next semester_ is a long time away.

 

 

Jackson has already left for California, so it’s just Yugyeom and Bambam waiting outside for their friend. They all climb into the taxi together and talk about how they’re going to Seoul for the break to be with Yugyeom’s family.

Youngjae’s chest constricts as he hears how the two balance their vacations between Korea and Thailand, and wishes his own parents would accept him and his boyfriend like that. Youngjae can’t picture Jaebum sitting in the dining room with the Choi’s, laughing amicably with his strict parents.

 

 

~ * ~ * ~

When Youngjae lands in Worcester, the first thing he does is text Jaebum to let him know he’s landed safely. Next, he calls his mother, Soyeon, to see if she’s there. She waits in the car in front of the arrival hall. Youngjae spots her silver car from a distance and his brother takes his suitcase and throws it in the trunk for him.

Youngjae climbs into the sedan and greets his mom with a hug over the center console, but cars behind them are honking and his mother quickly pulls out into the road.

In the time it takes them to get home, Youngjae feels like he’s on autopilot. He doesn’t feel the usual excitement that’s there when he gets home for breaks. Things had been a little awkward during Thanksgiving break a month ago, but his visit then was much shorter and his parents were clearly putting up a front. Normally his mother cries when she sees him, fusses over how long his hair had gotten, fusses over his worn jeans. She normally has coffee ready for him in the car. She wants to know how his classes are, how his friends are doing. All of it. But today, his mother barely looks at him, his brother sits in the backseat with one earphone in, glued to his phone. The radio plays mostly static, whatever station they had been listening to doesn’t come through so close to the airport. As they get closer to home, soft melodies play, mostly ballads from before his father’s time.

Youngjae stares out the window and watches the exit to home blur past him.

His mother says _divorce_ and Youngjae ends up in an apartment on the opposite side of town, feeling even more disconnected with _home_ than ever before.

The ‘home’ he had for nearly twelve years of his life has a For Sale sign out front, a new roof, and the blue walls of his room are painted over white, to hopefully attract buyers.

Home is back in Orlando.

 

~ * ~ * ~

Dinner used to once be with five; his mother and father, his sister, brother, and himself. Now it’s his mother, his brother with an earphone in his left ear, and Youngjae. Coco sits at his feet and grounds him.

He meets Jaehyun’s girlfriend, a pretty brunette with the bluest eyes. She spends most dinners with them, apparently her family is from Ohio and she’s here studying some fancy major at Boston University. That’s where she and Jaehyun met, in a Chem lab.

Youngjae thinks about Mark the science professor and wonders what he and Jinyoung must be doing now. He thinks about how he met his boyfriend in a Biology class and bites his tongue, shoving his mouth with more rice. There are so many similarities between his own romance and Jaehyun and Annie’s that it infuriates him that he can’t talk about his own love life.

So for a whole week he smiles weakly as his mother coos over Jaehyun and Annie. Youngjae hates Annie a little bit. He wishes his sister were here, she’s always been good at dispersing conversation that usually involves teasing Youngjae.

But she chose to stay with dad.

And Youngjae’s been so far away from home that he doesn’t know if he’s supposed to be bitter about her decision. He doesn’t know the details, but knows that he hasn’t heard his mother say her name in the past six days. So he sits quietly at dinner, spends most of his time interacting with aunts and uncles as they visit. He hangs out with his younger cousins. He watches a hell of a lot of television, binging shows that are easy to get lost in. The other half of the time he’s on his phone, texting away and smiling at Jaebum’s messages. He goes for long walks after dinner in the snowy evenings to talk with Jaebum in private.

“You must be seeing _someone_.” Annie teases one night at dinner. She’s not picking up the vibes that are being sent her way. Youngjae hates her a little more. “You’re always smiling at your phone.”

“And you go for really long walks at night - I know you’ve got a girl to talk to.” Jaehyun presses.

Soyeon smiles, anticipating news.

But this past week has only settled bitterly, and his stomach is tight, gurgling with a storm of resentment. So he says _it_. He says the thing that’s been killing him for months now. He tells his mother the reason why he went to college so far away. He’s feeling courageous, despite the fear that’s heavy in his throat.

“I don’t even _like_ girls. So, yeah, I’m talking to someone, but he’s not a she.”

He doesn’t feel any better. Instead, he feels all that rage rise up his esophagus, hot on his tongue, knuckles are white around his chopsticks. It wasn’t originally a part of the plan to mention anything over break, but Youngjae is tired. He’s been swallowing this down for _years_ now, and he’s ready for whatever comes. Keeping Jaebum as a secret has been hard enough, and he wants to take initiative, even if only a little bit.

As the silence gets heavy, prolonged as no one knows how to respond, grief and animosity clumps in his veins. One of the chopsticks snaps in his hold. The room spins when he stands.

The dining room has gone silent. Jaehyun picks at his food, Soyeon stares at him. She’s wearing the same look Youngjae’s had nightmares about. She’s not understanding.

Youngjae leaves to cry in the room he shares with his brother. It’s not very private, but Jaehyun gives him the space until their mothers enters, hours after Youngjae’s tears have dried. She sits on the bed and puts a hand on her son’s shoulder. He’s torn between shrugging her off and crying on her shoulder.

 

~ * ~ * ~

_“I thought they were working it out?”_

Youngjae stares at the ceiling. Coco sleeps on his chest. “They’re not.”

Jaebum sighs into the receiver, the silence falling between them is negatively charged. _“Are you still outside?”_

“No.”

_“You’re in bed?”_

“Yeah.”

Jaebum is quiet again, just the two of them breathing evenly. Youngjae can’t even figure out what’s going on in his own head. It’s full, but empty, all at the same time. He’s too tired to care about his own problems right now, but still feeling the stress, still thinking of the look his mother wore when he came out.

It’s that image - of her eyes wide, panicked and misunderstood, that triggers Youngjae’s tears. He brings his hand to his face, covering his eyes as if it’d stop the tears.

The fuzzy blanket tickles at his neck and he wishes, “Hyung, I want to be with you right now.”

 _“I wish that too, Youngjae-yah,”_ His boyfriend says, his tone laced with concern. _“What else happened? What happened that’s making you cry like this?”_

He hasn’t had to say anything, Jaebum’s been toeing carefully around conversation since the phone call started. Things have been tense, awkward, because Jaebum doesn’t want to ask if Youngjae isn’t willing to talk, but Youngjae still doesn’t understand his own feelings. He doesn’t know what he wants while Jaebum just wants to console and care for him.

“I told my mom.”

_“Told her?”_

“That I’m gay, and I like someone.”

Youngjae can hear Jaebum suck his teeth, anticipating the worst. _“What was her reaction?”_

“She didn’t say anything, but later she sat on my bed with me for a little while. It was awkward.”

 _“Give it time.”_ Jaebum says, _“It’s going to be a long three weeks, we can talk about it more later. Right now you need to sleep.”_

Youngjae inhales, chest shuddering as he works through his sobs. “W-Will you… stay with me?”

Jaebum hums, takes a deep breath. Youngjae tries to follow along, tries to steady his sobs. The only thing that works is Jaebum’s voice, beautiful and steady, as he sings a Korean ballad that touches Youngjae’s heart and warms his soul. It’s been awhile since he’s heard the song, a beautiful melody originally sung by five voices. Jaebum carries the sentiment with his single voice, shushing Youngjae’s tears until he’s humming along.

Jaebum sings him to sleep.

 

~ * ~ * ~

Youngjae doesn’t need a mirror to know that his eyes are puffy and his face is swollen. He can feel it when he opens his eyes and rubs at his face.

Jaehyun had come in at some point during the night, and he’s sleeping soundly in his bed across the room, buried under the blankets. Hearing his soft snores is comforting. Youngjae almost feels himself falling back asleep.

He’s thinking of Jaebum though, and feels around the bed for his phone. Youngjae finds his phone on the floor. He has a message from Yugyeom - he’ll read it later, and a text from Jaebum wishing him a good night. Youngjae replies quickly, wishing his boyfriend a good morning, telling him he sings like an angel. He responds to a text from Cody, asking him about his trip. There’s an unexpected message from Mark, too.

 

**Professor TUNA**

> I kinda overheard your conversation with JB last night, and I’m sorry about what happened. Things will work out! Jinyoung’s parents didn’t talk to us for 4 years, but showed up to our wedding and gave us their blessing. We weren’t expecting it.  
_1:35am_

Attached is an adorable photo of Coco, Mark and Jinyoung’s husky, with a tennis ball in her mouth, looking like she’s smiling at the phone.

Youngjae stares at the photo for a long time, smiling at Coco’s happy expression. Mark takes such good care of her, and even though Mark isn’t really _his_ friend, Mark and Jinyoung always give him a lot of love when they’re around. Youngjae appreciates them, and finds that he does want to be closer to them, too.

Seeing Mark’s Coco makes Youngjae miss his Coco. So he gets up and pads around the house, trying to find her because he needs a long cuddle session to feel better.

His trek is cut short with mother in the kitchen, hovering over breakfast. She clicks her tongue when she sees him. “Honestly, you and your brother sleep more now than when you were babies. I used to be up at four in the morning with you, every morning.”

There’s a moment wherein the tension builds thickly; both of them unsure. The distance between them seems to only get greater and greater, until Youngjae notices the effort his mother is making.

“Me? I did that?”

She smiles, glances over her shoulder and laughs. “Yes, every morning. Can you believe it?”

Small-talk isn’t going to heal the hole in Youngjae’s heart. He’s still uneasy, unsure of his mother’s stance on his orientation. She had come in during the night to rest a hand on his shoulder, but didn’t say much. She hadn’t even stayed long. So he talks casually, laughing, helping her with breakfast even though she doesn’t really need it.

“This boy that you like, is he a nice boy? Treats you right?”

“Yes, he’s amazing. We’re in a weird place… right now...” Because he can’t actually tell her who his boyfriend is. Not just yet.

Soyeon pats her hands on her apron. “Is he cute?”

Youngjae rushes to get his phone, so he can find the selfies they’ve taken together. There are some very _private_ photos in there, so he finds the first selfie they took together, the one with Nora in the office, and shows his mother. However, this is still hard for her, so she doesn’t ask any more questions. She smiles at the photo, commenting on how handsome this boy is. Then, she says,

“I hope that things work out between you two.”

Youngjae can’t wait to call his boyfriend and tell him about the eventful morning. He can’t wait to tell Mark, who’ll tell Jinyoung. He can’t wait to call Jackson, or message YugBam.

“Thanks, mom.”

Soyeon smiles at him. “He must be a wonderful person if you like him.”

“He is.”

He puts his phone away for now, helping his mother prepare breakfast.

As much as he and Jaebum yearn to be together for the holidays, they’re both glad that Youngjae has winter break to reconnect with his mother and brother.

 

~ * ~ * ~

The first news he gets when the spring semester starts back up, is that Jackson’s going to be his permanent roommate.

Youngjae’s devastated to hear that Bambam wants to switch roommates. But, at the same time, it makes sense. Bambam wants to room with his boyfriend. He wants the privacy that they can only have in the same room. Besides, this also means that Youngjae would room with Jackson. Which is a plus. Jackson has been an amazing crutch and an amazing influence in Youngjae’s life and he knows they’d be great roomies for their last year together.

Lastly, Youngjae doesn’t spend most of his nights in the dorm. He’s usually with Jaebum, who only lives a half hour bus ride away. Sometimes, if their days end at the same time, Youngjae will get a ride from Jaebum on his motorcycle. This new roommate situation will also work out well because Jackson’s been talking to a guy and having a room that’s empty on most nights will give him a good place to take his date. Youngjae doesn’t mind the thought of his room being used for that, since Jackson’s an honest guy and has been keeping his friends (but mostly Youngjae) up to date about Potential Boyfriend Lucas. Youngjae hasn’t met him yet, but he’s seen him and Jackson walking around campus. He’s adorable, has a head of wild curls, usually has a trimmed beard, and has eyes so green that Youngjae’s seen them even from a distance. He’s a little skinnier than Youngjae, Bambam and Yugyeom thought Jackson was into. Lucas also doesn’t hit Jackson’s height requirement for a potential boyfriend, or the stylish requirement, since he’s usually in flip-flops and jeans with a plain t-shirt. YugBamJae are confused by the developments in Jackson and Lucas’ relationship, but they’re supportive and excited for him. Bambam keeps whining that he needs to meet this guy to properly approve of him.

They switch around rooms, which is thankfully not a difficult task since their rooms are side by side. Youngjae jumps right back into his classes, and between that, work, and switching rooms, he doesn’t get to see Jaebum for the first few days. They talk a lot on the phone around lunchtime, during some free time between lunch and classes. Jaebum has a lot of meetings to attend, and isn’t in his office much during the first week.

Cody stops by the dorm, though, and sits on Youngjae’s bed one night, ignoring the way Jackson glares at him from across the room.

As soon as he leaves after a couple of hours, Jackson corners his roommate. “He wants to get in your pants.”

Youngjae laughs, swatting him away. “That’s ridiculous.”

“He made a _dick_ joke, for fuck’s sake. He, like, drools over your ass every time you turn around - which, I get, I stare sometimes too, okay? Full disclosure. But don’t tell Jaebum. Anyway, Cody’s thirsty and he’s tryna drink from your di-”

“Okay, okay. You’re _gross_.”

Jackson barely backs down. “I’m keeping an eye on that one. He’s a problem.”

 

~ * ~ * ~

On Thursday, five days after move in, Youngjae still has a stuffed suitcase. Jackson leaves for lunch around one and denies Youngjae when he asks if they should go eat together.

“Really, you’re going to meet Lucas?”

Jackson shakes his head. “No, he’s got class right now.”

“So then…” Youngjae’s heart sinks. “Why can’t I come?”

Jackson waves his phone in the air and smiles. But it doesn’t answer the question it only creates more confusion. When his cell phone chimes with the noise from Super Mario, the one that jingles when he gets hit by a mushroom, Jackson swings the bedroom door open and it’s Jaebum, cell phone in hand.

“When did you guys exchange numbers?” Youngjae’s slightly horrified by this information.

Jaebum smiles, hair pushed back off his forehead, jeans casual, his shirt a faded band tee and tucked behind his belt in the front. He looks like a fuckin’ punk rock dream.

“A while ago.” Jackson says with a smile and then a flourish. “Keep it -” He starts to say something inappropriate but stops himself, immediately switching to a less conspicuous farewell. “Bye guys!”

As soon as the door closes, Jaebum has an armful of his boyfriend. He buries his face in brown hair and closes his eyes, holding the younger boy tightly. “I missed you, sunshine.”

Youngjae isn’t clear when Jaebum started calling him ‘sunshine’, he doesn’t do it often and Youngjae loves the hell out of it.

“Are you really allowed to be here?”

“Yes and no. I can’t stay too long.”

Youngjae’s attaching himself to Jaebum’s lips in the span of a breath, pulling him close by his face, tangling fingers in dark locks, breathing him in instead of the air around them. Then Jaebum smiles against his lips, kissing him back with hands on his waist, kissing him with a passion that stumbles them backwards, Youngjae’s thighs meeting his desk.

But this doesn’t go where Youngjae had assumed he would, which embarasses him to no end. Does assuming that Jaebum’s here for sex after over a month of not being near each other classify him as a horndog?

The kiss ends sweetly, slowly, with lingering lips and smiles, because as much as Jaebum doesn’t want to stop kissing his boyfriend, he didn’t come here for a hook-up.

“Did you have anything left to unpack?”

Youngjae pulls Jaebum in for another kiss, quick and passionate. “A few things, yeah.”

They make plans for the rest of the week, talking about assignments and classes and Jaebum reminds his boyfriend that he’s still a student and has studies. Jaebum will help him with his Statistics class, and they need to figure out a good time for that.

Youngjae laughs and avoids that conversation because he hasn’t even bought the textbook yet and he already has homework problems due in two days.

“How’s Jackson doing with that guy?” Jaebum asks as he unrolls a pair of jeans, folding it neatly on the bed.

So Youngjae fills him in, gushing about how cute they are but Jackson still hasn’t introduced them - which can go either direction in being a bad thing or a good thing. As he blabs, he notices the way Jaebum’s eyebrows set, lips pressing in a line. His questions become more and more disinterested until Youngjae asks him what’s wrong.

“Has Cody still been texting you?”

Youngjae isn’t at all surprised with the inquiry. Jaebum had a very difficult time last semester convincing himself that he couldn’t fail Cody on the grounds of flirting with another student. Cody had definitely noticed something was off, since Professor Im would seemingly materialise every time he got too close to Youngjae. But he never said anything, since Youngjae has since become a pro at avoiding questions of his love life.

This alone bothers Jaebum. Youngjae can say he has a boyfriend all he wants, but without being able to provide proof, Cody isn’t going to back down. He’s got something that seems a little stronger than a crush - it could just be Jaebum’s biased and has been paying too much attention to the chatter between the two students, but Cody worries him. Cody is an enemy.

Youngjae is conflicted because Cody’s a funny guy, he could be a good friend. And it’s not really his fault that he likes someone that has a boyfriend with no name, no photos, nothing to prove his existence. Youngjae dodges that conversation like a bullet every time.

Actually, Youngjae has a text from Cody sitting in his phone, hours unread. But it’s clear by the first few words that Cody’s excited to see him again. Youngjae’s running out of ways to turn him down without telling him who he’s seeing. He needs to figure out what’s okay to say, and what’s not.

“Do you want me to talk to him?” Jaebum is teetering on the fine line between professor and boyfriend, trying to find middle ground because he knows that this is odd territory for them. “I know you two from last semester, we could figure out a way.”

Youngjae shakes his head and reaches for his phone. “No, I’ll talk to him.”

 

~ * ~ * ~

Youngjae wakes the next morning with his homework crumpled and on the floor. Jaebum’s arm is his pillow, soft when he’s not flexing his muscles. Youngjae’s arm is lying over Jaebum’s toned stomach, their legs crossed at the thigh, Youngjae’s naked crotch pressed up against Jaebum’s hip, and Youngjae’s bare thigh pressed against Jaebum’s naked crotch; a warm embrace. His hands are sticky, and he’s mentally groaning to himself. He had been lying in bed doing homework while Jaebum had curled up with Nora in the living room, watching some show about zombies that Youngjae doesn’t have the heart to watch, until Jaebum came in and got underneath the covers with the idea that kisses and blowjobs were more important than school assignments.

Not that Youngjae’s complaining. There’s always a lighter mood in the mornings after sex.

He slides out of bed and doesn’t bother with clothing, something the old Youngjae would’ve been too embarrassed to do. He makes his way to the bathroom, to the kitchen, and feeds Nora to get her off his feet. She had whined all the way across the apartment.

There are dishes in the sink from dinner last night and Youngjae takes it upon himself to do it. He finds a Simpsons-printed apron in a drawer and throws it over his nude body. He gets through a few dishes until he hears the padding of bare feet on tile, and glances over his shoulder to see Jaebum standing in the entranceway, rubbing tiredly at his face.

“I woke up and you weren’t there.”

His whiny comment makes Youngjae laugh. Jaebum isn’t normally one for sappy comments like that, but sometimes he slips up, and his boyfriend loves it. “Sorry, hyung. Nora was crying.”

He gets back to the dishes, and after washing two cups, Jaebum speaks up. “What’s the point of the apron?”

“So I don’t get wet?”

“I feel like I’m having some weird wet dream. You look sexy.”

‘Sexy’ is a word that doesn’t settle well with Youngjae. It makes him uncomfortable, he doesn’t think it’s a word that fits him. But Jaebum means it, and he slides up behind his boyfriend, pressing his front to Youngjae’s back, wrapping his arms around his waist. He tickles Youngjae’s neck with kisses and soft breath.

“Will you come back to bed?”

“Why?” He teases. He kinda likes hearing Jaebum tell him how much he’s desired.

“We can stay here if you really want. I don’t mind.”

Jaebum pushes a little harder against the other boy, hands shamelessly groping Youngjae’s bare ass. And Youngjae groans, but he finds himself arching as Jaebum licks at his neck and shoulders, roughly massaging him.

This is something that took him some time to get used to, but Jaebum loves his thighs and ass so much that Youngjae might be thinking that maybe he’s not so unattractive after all.

“You’re so handsome, Youngjae-yah, you drive me crazy.” Jaebum’s voice is thick like honey, dripping down into Youngjae’s arousal. His hands grope his thighs, too, digging into his meaty legs. His hands travel up, farther up his legs and Youngjae finds himself widening his stance, shutting off the water with a shaky hand. His knuckles turn white around the stainless steel, head dropping back onto Jaebum’s shoulder, exposing more skin on his neck that Jaebum rushes to feed on.

Youngjae groans has one hand cups his ass again, the other hand trailing his spreading thighs, a finger brushing his entrance.

“Is this what you want?”

Youngjae’s mouth is dry, breathing thinning out. “Y-yes, hyung.” And his hips move on their own accord, pressing forcefully into Jaebum’s groin. He really wants this, he always wants this. Is this normal? He likes to think that they have a normal sex life. But then again, they can’t do much else. Their relationship is always hidden indoors. They can’t go on dates. So they settle for movie nights, they’ve been to MarkJin’s place a few times for dinner, they’ve been to the on campus coffee shop twice for coffee, because there, no one looks twice at them.

Youngjae’s thoughts are brief, he’s being brought back to the present, back into the kitchen, back into Jaebum’s arms, being held against the counter as he grinds against Jaebum’s groin, groaning as he feels the swell of his boyfriend’s erection between his legs.

Being pinned against the counter is not as sexy as it sounds. Youngjae feels trapped, erection uncomfortable between himself and the hard surface, Jaebum’s hips rolling against him, rocking him against the counter. He opens his mouth to express his discomfort, but there’s hand around his chest, crawling up his collarbones, wrapping at the base of his neck. Youngjae gasps, one hand moving from the counter to urge Jaebum’s hands higher.

He’s said this before; he loves Jaebum’s hands. Always so sure, always so gentle. Even with his fingers wrapped around Youngjae’s neck, Youngjae knows Jaebum won’t harm him.

Jaebum’s a little surprised by this turn of event. His other hand pinches Youngjae’s nipple and he closes his eyes in response, pleasure racking his body, not feeling so uncomfortable anymore. His grip around Jaebum’s bicep tightens, his hips continue rocking, Jaebum’s erection rubbing between his thighs. And then there’s a tightening around his neck, careful and only just there. Youngjae gasps, his senses haywire as the pressure tightens a bit.

“J-Jaebum, please,” He groans, and Jaebum’s grip tightens a little more. And that’s perfect, just like that. Youngjae’s breathing is still normal but the pressure is there and he’s going to fuckin’ lose it.

“I didn’t think you’d be the type.” Jaebum mumbles against his shoulder. He’s thrumming with excitement, it’s jittery in his voice. “Come to bed, baby.”

Youngjae opens his eyes but his vision isn’t clear at first. He pants, allowing himself to be lead to the bedroom. Youngjae stubs his toe on the coffee table but barely registers the pain, collapsing on the messy sheets. Jaebum is on top of him, lube dropping from his hands to the floor. Youngjae wants to reach for it to speed things up, but he also wants to take it painstakingly slow, because he loves the burn when Jaebum’s tongue trails wetly between his thighs.

His legs widen, breath hitching as Jaebum licks tenderly at his head. As much as Youngjae wants this, he pulls Jaebum back up, rolling them over so he’s on top, shedding them of their shirts and boxers, pressing their naked bodies together. Youngjae aligns their erections and groans, ducking in for open-mouthed kisses. Jaebum palms at his ass, needy, rolls his hips. Youngjae trails to his neck and sucks on his pulse, sticking a hand between their bodies to cradle Jaebum’s balls with his palm.

“God,” Jaebum breaths, back arching with pleasure, toes curling, his chest heaving with a groan. “I love you like this.”

Their chests are sweaty, sliding. Youngjae keeps rolling his hips, keeps his hand busy between Jaebum’s legs.

“You make me feel like this.” Youngjae licks at the shell of Jaebum’s ear, his free hand tangling into dark locks. “You do this to me.”

Jaebum had such a conflicting first impression of Youngjae. He _looks_ innocent. Wide-eyed and easily flustered. But the first time Jaebum saw him, the first time they locked eyes across the room, he _felt_ the desire from across the room. He could’ve pulled Youngjae from that room and fucked him in a closet in the hall. Because Youngjae had white knuckles around the textbook in his lap, his cheeks rosy and gaze _curious_.

The first time Youngjae walked into his office, he sensed the apprehension. He could feel the way Youngjae stared at him, eyes boring into him. But Youngjae kept a distance. Shy. And Jaebum wanted to push him into the couch cushions and watch desire play over his expressions.

They kept it professional, until Youngjae called him, drunk. He wasn’t twenty-one at the time. Until he was saying something about wanting to ride him, and Jaebum could barely call an Uber with his hands shaking. As soon as the request went through, he had his hands in his pants and Youngjae’s name on his tongue.

And, let us not forget that fateful day where Youngjae crashed through all his walls, leaping through all barriers with a kiss. Jaebum could’ve had him on the couch, had they not be interrupted by his cell phone. Jinyoung would’ve walked in with the two sucking face on the couch.

“You’re so needy.” Jaebum rolls them over, unable to keep up with the touches and kisses. He can feel sores over his neck, and leans in to chew on Youngjae’s lip. Youngjae groans - whines, and pleads. So Jaebum bites a little harder on his lips, leaving them red and swollen, leaving Youngjae looking teased.

There are red spots on Jaebum’s neck - some of them will still be there in the morning. Some will be gone by the end of the night. They’re glowing against Jaebum’s milky skin, and Youngjae leans up to lick a wet stripe against a row of sensitive marks. Jaebum rolls his head back, gripping a fistful of brown hair.

“I need _you._ ” Youngjae purrs, kissing any inch of skin he can, still pinned to the mattress. “I need you so badly.”

The shit that comes out of his mouth during sex leaves Jaebum feeling mad. He finds the lube and dumps a gracious amount on his fingers. Youngjae is spreading his legs, letting his arms fall to the bed at his sides, completely vulnerable to whatever Jaebum wants to do. And Jaebum wants to return the favor, inserting a digit just as he latches onto Youngjae’s neck. He rolls the skin between his teeth and Youngjae trembles beneath him.

It isn’t long before Youngjae’s begging for more than just Jaebum’s fingers. He has a very similar pattern of love bites on his neck. His lower lip is still red from when Jaebum sucked on it. He looks like a totally different person; hungry yet debauched, only for Jaebum.

“Roll over. On your side.”

Youngjae does exactly as he’s told.

“Good boy, spread your legs.”

Jaebum jerks himself with a few strokes, coating himself with lube. He lies behind Youngjae, pressing their sweaty bodies together, spreading the younger man to give him a better angle. Youngjae shuts his eyes as Jaebum pushes in from behind. He wiggles his ass and slides backwards, making the movement easier, too eager to have Jaebum inside of him, trying to press him closer to his prostate.

Jaebum settles comfortably against him, burying his face in Youngjae’s shoulders. He licks at the saltiness there, one hand dropping on Youngjae’s waist. The younger groans, and grinds forcefully.

“That’s good.”

Youngjae moans and does it again.

“There you go, c’mon, show me how much you want it.”

But he can’t control himself for very long. Youngjae’s hips stutter as he rolls them back, throwing a leg over Jaebum’s hips, widening his stance and getting a better angle. Jaebum grabs his erection and Youngjae bounces against the sheets as Jaebum rocks into him, biting on his ear, his shoulder - anywhere.

“C’mon, baby,” Jaebum whispers. “Cum for me.”

Youngjae’s head drops to the pillows, lips spread in a long cry as they find his sweet spot together. “J-Jaebum, _please._ Jae - _ahh…_ A-Are you close?”

Jaebum releases his grip on Youngjae’s cock to instead reach for his neck. He’s still testing this, there are boundaries they’re yet to find, but Youngjae’s head slumps backwards and he makes a very positive noise. Jaebum grips him a little tighter and continues whispering in Youngjae’s ear, fucks him like he should, and feels Youngjae’s orgasm shudder through him. He cums within seconds after Youngjae, his vision spotting as he finishes.

Their kisses are long and slow after that. Their hands are gentle. Youngjae feels so much love from just these two simple things that his heart is content. He listens to the wet sounds of their kisses, Jaebum’s even breathing, and feels the way Jaebum’s heart is still thundering in his chest. He places his hand there, and Jaebum watches him curiously.

“I love you.” He mumbles, pressing their foreheads together.

“I love you, too.” Jaebum pulls Youngjae’s hand off his chest to hold it tightly. “We need to discuss this new-found kink of yours.”

Youngjae tries to hide behind pillows. “Hyung, please, I don’t know who I am anymore.”

“I like how you get during sex.” The older man responds, peppering kisses over the splotches he left behind. “I better not have hickies in the morning.”

“Ah… sorry about that.”

“Are you? Are you really sorry?”

“No.” Youngjae squeaks, curling again under the sheets. “But people will notice and wonder and that’s a good thing.”

Jaebum wants to crawl between his legs again and give him whatever the hell he wants, after that comment. Really, the shit he says in bed.

Behind them, Youngjae’s cell phone vibrates against the table. Then again, then once more. Jaebum opens his eyes and breaks their kiss, glancing over at it.

Youngjae thinks it might be Jackson, Bambam or Yugyeom, maybe an emergency. His mother isn’t one for text messages, and he really can’t think of anyone else that would contact him. He’s reluctant to pull away from Jaebum, his skin cold wherever Jaebum’s body isn’t touching, but Jaebum seems less than hesitant to reach for the cell phone. He nearly rolls over the younger male to snatch the phone in a way that almost offends Youngjae - in a haste to get to it before Youngjae can.

Youngjae tries to grab it back, but it only angers Jaebum more. He swipes his thumb across the screen and enters the passkey - his birthday, and Youngjae’s stomach drops as Jaebum curses at the notification.

Cody Hall  
5 Unread Messages

“What the fuck is he texting you about on a Sunday morning?”

> hey  
> i know it’s still kinda early but let’s grab breakfast?  
_8:50am_

> you’ve been kinda mia these past few days, just wanted to catch up. i had a lot of fun the other night with you and jacks in your room.  
_8:52am_

> you keep mentioning a boyfriend, but don’t talk about him much. are you guys fighting? I’m just wondering, hope everything is ok  
_8:55am_

> i’m here if you wanna talk.  
_8:59am_

Jaebum’s grip tightens around the phone, Youngjae can see the strain in his fingers.

“I thought you were going to talk to him?”

“I didn’t get a chance yet.”

“You didn’t talk to him like we discussed?”

“Wait, hyung -”

“Youngjae -”

“Im Jaebum.”

He halts at the sound of his full name, fury fiery in his eyes. Youngjae understands why he’s upset, but it’s hard on his side, as well. He can get why Cody thinks that his unconvincing boyfriend stories could be fake.

“Why didn’t you talk to him?”

Jaebum’s tone conflicts with his gaze and Youngjae doesn’t know how to interpret it.

“I keep telling him I have a boyfriend but I can’t tell him who. Or give him a name. Or show him any pictures... And he’s still… he’s still being a little pushy. But I don’t know what else to tell him. I would tell him I’m not interested but he… hasn’t actually asked me out, but I'm trying not to get to that point.”

“Do you want to go out with him?”

It’s a ridiculous question. Go out? Go out where? To breakfast? They’d be eating at the school cafeteria and that’s hardly a big deal.

But Jaebum can see that Youngjae isn’t understanding his question. “Have you not told him you’re not interested because you don’t want to tell him?”

Oh, go out as in _date._

“Why… why would I want that?”

“Because you wouldn’t have to keep him a secret.”

“No, no.” Youngjae reaches for Jaebum’s face, shaky of what to do when he’s pushed away. He doesn’t know how to tell Jaebum that he is his home. “No, Jaebum-hyung, it’s not like that. It’s not like that at _all_.”

He’s being sincere and Jaebum sees it. He quiets, which isn’t very like him, and traces his fingers up and down Youngjae’s arm, tracing blue veins. His gaze is something unfamiliar, but it makes Youngjae feel like there are decisions being made that he’s not a part of. Something he has no control over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so many of you guys were worried last chapter about the selfies and istg for the longest time i was thinking about it but decided no. surprise here's a little bit of a different kind of drama


	6. First Swing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've never tried chapter titles before but i'm really trying this time

Jaebum slides out of bed and moves out of reach. Uncertainty swirls darkly in his beautiful eyes, as it hovers over his shoulders as he sits on the edge of the bed, dragging his hands through his hair. Dread comes swooping in to curl perch its’ fingers around Youngjae’s throat and heart.

“Hyung?”

“Yes, Youngjae-yah?” Jaebum doesn’t turn, doesn’t even glance over his shoulder. He uses that tone that Youngjae thought he wouldn’t hear again, the tone from class. The one that places a wall between them. The one that is extremely out of place, thicker than usual, settling awkwardly on the bed instead of its’ usual place on a desk. It’s hard to decipher what exactly it’s doing here. Is Jaebum mad at Cody? Is he mad at Youngjae? Is he mad at himself? The situation? The only thing that’s clear is that he’s mad. He’s mad at _something_ and it’s very much related to his boyfriend.

“Jaebum…” Youngjae untangles himself from the sheets and places a tentative hand on Jaebum’s shoulder. “I-I’m sorry… I’ll talk to Cody.”

“You should’ve done that already.”

Youngjae feels so out of place. Out of his body. Out of his element. He’s in the wrong place at the wrong time. He’s _been_ in the wrong place at the wrong time, underestimating what Cody really thinks of him even though Jackson had spelled it out for him in the dorm. But in Youngjae’s defense, he’s not going to do anything with Cody. They’ve had breakfast a few times, Cody stopped by once at his dorm. That’s it. Outside of his flirting there’s nothing happening. Youngjae’s made sure of that. 

“I know our relationship isn’t easy.” Jaebum’s voice is thin and strange. “But Cody chased you all last semester. He’s been messaging you all summer - and you _let_ him.”

“Wait, wait.” They’re both still naked, Youngjae’s feeling sore, his ass and thighs red, his soul now tender, too. “But I never… I never tried to lead him on. I was always thinking of you. I never -”

Jaebum reaches around him for the cell phone and slides Youngjae’s phone unlocked. “You don’t have to flirt. You don’t have to tell him directly. He’s made it _clear_ since day one -”

“I told him I have a boyfriend, I’ve told him -” Youngjae’s adrenaline skyrockets, self-preservation kicking in. He’s not going to let Jaebum win this. He’s not going to let Jaebum misunderstand. 

“A boyfriend that’s your _professor_. A boyfriend that keeps you from having -” Jaebum grits his teeth and halts, completely, his hand in the air, fist clenched around Youngjae’s cell phone, open to the text message thread with Cody. Youngjae’s messages are full of emojis and exclamation points; it’s just a way he texts. It’s not flirty, it’s Youngjae. But Cody’s messages are full of innuendoes and ‘you’re cute’ and ‘can’t wait to see you.’ 

Youngjae’s never been punched in the gut before, never been punched anywhere, really, never even took karate as a kid, but the air’s been knocked out him. His stomach clenches, his hands shake and his brain spins in his damn skull. 

“This isn’t just about Cody.” Jaebum speaks, thin and fragile. He looks at Youngjae, shattered, just barely holding it in. “This isn’t about him.”

Youngjae can’t tell if Jaebum is upset or angry. Honestly, the latter isn’t too sure himself, either. 

“Don’t you have class?”

Youngjae nods.

“C’mon, do you want to shower?”

Youngjae nods.

“Okay.”

Youngjae showers alone, fixes himself up and heads out after Jaebum. He locks the apartment up, makes his way down to the garage where Jaebum hands him a helmet. 

They’ve been on the bike so many times now that Youngjae has learned how to ride holding on the handlebars instead of Jaebum’s waist. Today though, he curls himself around Jaebum’s torso. Holds on to him like he did the first time he ever rode the bike, like he was terrified but still trusted Jaebum with his life. Still does.

Jaebum glances down at the hands interlocked around his waist, moves to touch Youngjae’s hands but doesn’t, instead curling his fingers around the handlebars. He kicks off and Youngjae closes his eyes for the ride to school, feeling the motions of the motorcycle beneath him and the world speed by. But the problems aren’t left in the dust. They vibrate between Jaebum’s strong shoulders and the pounding of Youngjae’s heart in his tight chest.

~ * ~ * ~

It was cute at first. 

All the sneaking around. All the late nights and rushed kisses. But Youngjae and Jaebum’s relationship have him lying to his parents - it has both of them lying to their parents. It has put a hold on Youngjae’s social life, because he realises that the problem isn’t Cody, it’s the fact that he can’t have a normal interaction with other students. He has to keep such a huge part of his life tucked away and so, he lies. He avoids. He lies even more. He lies to his mother without even blinking. He brushes over details when he’s talking to his classmates, his boss at work, his friendly coworkers. 

Now it’s just getting old. All the whispering, the hiding behind closed doors, the distance and strained smiles on campus. 

_“Why don’t you stay in?”_ Jaebum says that night, his voice distant through the receiver.

“What?” Youngjae presses his cell phone closer to his face, as if it’d bring Jaebum closer. “Why?”

 _“When was the last time you hung out with your friends?”_ Because they haven’t done that in a while. Mark and Jinyoung go to the movies, go to the beach, as do Jackson, Bambam, Yugyeom and Lucas. They went to the fair last weekend and where was Youngjae? Hiding away in Jaebum’s apartment.

_“Why don’t you guys go to the beach, or something?”_

Youngjae hangs up the phone with an, “Okay, hyung. You, too.”

No good-bye’s. No I love you’s.

Youngjae turns to Jackson as soon as he comes back to the dorm room from his shower. “Hey, do you wanna go to the beach?”

Jackson nearly drops his towel in excitement. He doesn’t even ask why Youngjae’s not going to see Jaebum, he’s too excited by the thought of being able to hang out with his best friend again.

 

And Youngjae has more fun than he would like to admit. Until he gets to the end of the day and takes a photo of the sunset, thinking of Jaebum and his toes in the sand, the sunlight halo-ing his beautiful smile. Youngjae thinks of their first date at the beach - it isn’t the same beach, but it’s still a memory. The sun glistens against the water, dazzling. The sky purples. Orange dips off into the horizon. The sun sets the same way every evening, but it’s a whole new refreshing beauty every time. Youngjae could watch the way the day dips into the night like a watercolor and never get tired of it.

There are no missed calls from Jaebum. No unread text messages. It’s been almost twenty-four hours since their last phone call and even longer since their last text message, but Youngjae sends the gorgeous photo of the sunset anyway. Underneath it, he types, _‘I was thinking of you.’_

Jaebum texts him only after he’s already made it back to the dorm. As he’s showered the sand out from between his toes. 

_‘This is exactly what I see when I look at you.’_ is all the text reads, a few words that are too heavy with emotion.

Youngjae’s heart shatters. 

He wraps himself in a towel and sits on his bed, soaking the mattress. This is what he loves; these moments where Jaebum lets him know he’s his world. Jaebum doesn’t want to let him go. Youngjae doesn’t want him to let go, either. He presses the little green button next to Jaebum’s name. He decides to be the first one to call and break the silence.

_“Hello?”_

“I love you.”

Jaebum pauses for an uncomfortable amount of time. _“I love you, too.”_

_I’m doing this for you._

Youngjae wants to give him space, wants to give him freedom, let him fly off like the birds captured in the photo. But he wants to fly with him.

“I’m gonna talk to Cody tomorrow.”

Jaebum sighs, the sound bouncing off the shower tiles. _“You know that’s not the problem.”_

“I know.”

_“I just… us being together is ruining our relationship with other people.”_

“I know.”

_“So we should talk about this.”_

Youngjae sucks in a deep breath, fills his lungs. He’s not going to back down on this. He’s not going to let Jaebum slide away. He’s not going to run away from this. “We will.”

~ * ~ * ~ 

Cody is so sweet it breaks Youngjae’s heart a bit to have to tell him that he needs space, because Cody just leans back in his chair and says, “Yeah, of course, I get it. You’re too hot to be let go.”

It’s really not what he should be saying. It’s not sincere, it’s not very supportive of Youngjae’s relationship, which is clearly falling apart. But Youngjae likes to see the best in people and doesn’t see the comment as such. Instead it embarrasses him, and he doesn’t notice the way Cody watches him with a sweet smile.

Youngjae sputters out his orange juice. “W-What? Hot?”

“Uh,” Cody crosses his arms over his chest and laughs, making a vague gesture at all of the boy sitting across from him. “Have you not seen yourself? Do you own a mirror?”

A deep flush floods Youngjae’s face - he wouldn’t use the word ‘hot’ to describe himself. Maybe cute. He’s comfortable with cute. That could be okay.

“I am curious about mystery boyfriend though.” Cody snaps him back from his daze. “Does he work for the university? He’s gotta if you won’t talk about him.”

Youngjae isn’t finished with his cereal, but he decides that he needs to be so he can save his hide from this conversation that’s clearly descending into Hell. He tries to excuse himself but Cody is getting up, too, bringing his half finished french toast to the garbage. “So, listen, I know I’ve been a little pushy, and I know my feelings for you are out there, but we can still be friends, yeah? There’s a frat party next Friday, are you working?”

Parties aren’t his thing and the word ‘frat’ is extremely off-putting, but Cody is trying to extend friendship and Youngjae has a hard time turning that down. He had explained, as vaguely as possible, that he and his boyfriend were going through a rough time - some made up story about families and that shit because Youngjae is a pro liar now - and doesn’t feel comfortable with the way Cody’s been talking to him. He also told him that he and his boyfriend were serious. And Cody easily accepted it. He’s being kind and caring, so Youngjae wants to accept his request to be friends. 

Youngjae’s mulling over the conversation, reviewing it in case he missed something, but the prolonged silence tells Cody something else. He’s getting the vibe that Youngjae is trying to worm his way out of the party. But Cody still has a crush, mysterious boyfriend or not, and wants to be by Youngjae’s side.

“Bring your friends. Bring your boyfriend. Bring lots of beer. The invite is floating around, so it’s not like it’s VIP.”

Youngjae considers it, and then Jackson gets the invite forwarded to him from Lucas later in the evening and, okay, maybe he is going.

~ * ~ * ~

Jaebum is so warm and wonderful and his thighs are soft underneath Youngjae’s bottom and his arms are so secure around his waist. Youngjae could sit in Jaebum’s lap forever, even if he is going over… whatever nonsense is happening in Youngjae’s math class. Numbers make his head hurt and Jaebum isn’t making it any easier. Youngjae’s not paying attention. Youngjae’s a hopeless cause in math class. On the flip side, it’s really nice to be this close and casual with Jaebum again. It’s been over two weeks since their conversation that involved having a conversation, and it’s been a long week of hour-long gaps between texts. Neither of them are too sure what to say to one another.

Eventually, he realises that Jaebum’s not even talking. His chin is resting on Youngjae’s shoulder, hands resting on his thighs. Jaebum’s waiting for him to come back down to Earth and focus on the numbers on the paper in front of them.

“Uh, sorry?”

“I could’ve napped here, just like this.”

Youngjae closes his eyes and slumps back, Jaebum’s chuckles rumbling against his back as he’s pushed back into the seat. Youngjae misses the feeling of his body, even in this innocent sense. 

“I’m sorry, I hate math.”

“I know, but you still need to get this stuff.”

“How do you do it?”

Jaebum’s hands sit still on his lap, his strong jaw still tucked over his shoulder. “Do what?”

“How do you find time to teach and grade paperwork and read and have friends and a boyfriend and still be the most intelligent, dedicated and loyal man in the world?”

Jaebum tries to hide his goofy smile behind Youngjae’s shoulders. “That’s pretty far-fetched. But, thanks.”

“I’m just… not smart. I’m not smart like you are. I don’t know what I’m doing.” And he means more than just math.

“Youngjae-yah, how could you think you’re not smart?” Jaebum’s thumb caresses his thigh now, aimlessly and innocently. There’s no hidden meaning there, no efforts for anything that’s not casual and comfortable. A touch that shows he’s absently aware, even if they’re putting distance between themselves. “You’re so hardworking, so thoughtful. I love that about you.” And then, following that thought process, “I wish I could take you out. I wish things weren’t the way they are right now.”

“That’s okay that we don’t go on dates, you know that. I’m happy with you anyway.” Youngjae twists in Jaebum’s hold, trying to face him a little better. This has become an increasing worry in Jaebum’s mind and it fuels much of the fear and distance he feels; that they’re nearing six months and haven’t been out properly. Youngjae wants to quiet these worries, and turns just enough to get his arms around Jaebum’s broad shoulders, holding onto them dearly. He thinks of how he used to dream of this; dream of being able to sit in Jaebum’s lap in his office, of kissing him with the door wide open.

“It’s not right. I should spoil you.”

Youngjae rubs Jaebum’s arm up and down, smiling, not being able to resist the inescapable pull between them; Youngjae leaning down to brush their noses, touch their foreheads, press their lips together. This will be their first kiss in two weeks. Youngjae is thrumming with anticipation to kiss Jaebum again, to taste and feel his soft lips once again. And then they can talk about this. They can talk about whatever odd tension is settling between them. Because even though they need the space to think, there’s only so much space Youngjae is willing to give before it needs to be addressed. He wants to be supportive, but also wants to make his stance on this as clear as crystal: Youngjae isn’t going to let Jaebum go.

Right now, Youngjae just wants to kiss it away. He traces the studs on Jaebum’s ear, tangles his pinky in the cool chain around Jaebum’s neck. He meets their gaze before finally dipping forward. He wants to get it through that this is what he wants, this is what makes him happy.

The door swings open, and in the time it takes for Jinyoung to slam the door behind him, Youngjae’s tripped off of Jaebum’s lap and he’s sprawled on the floor, a breath lodged painfully in his chest.

“Are you guys _crazy_?” Jinyoung hisses, the fury of his emotions meeting them before the words do. “What if the Dean walks in? Jaebum, you’d be _screwed_.”

Youngjae doesn’t bother to get up off the floor. He watches in defeat as Jaebum’s expression changes to the same one he had in bed that day - he’s making decisions without his boyfriend.

~ * ~ * ~

Would it be a surprise if I told you that this party was exactly what Youngjae imagined? Blaring hip-hop, techno and rap, lots of beer and alcohol, lots of bodies squirming to get around (maybe inside) each other. The frat party is held in an old house off-campus in a community that’s dominated by college kids, so no one’s going to call the cops on the cars piled in the road or the students tripping over their own feet in the yard. Jackson opens the door and accidentally jabs the door handle into some girl’s spleen. He tries to apologise but she glares at him for only a second before turning back to suck face with the guy she’s got shoved in the corner.

Jackson recovers from the awkward encounter very quickly and is even quicker to break his promise of not abandoning his roommate. He says he’s going to find the drinks and disappears even before the four friends fully enter the house.

“He’s probably gonna go suck Lucas’s dick in a bathroom, or something.” Bambam says, reaching for Youngjae’s hand. “C’mon, Yugyeom and I won’t abandon you.”

They don’t abandon him, but they don’t make his life as a third wheel any easier. Youngjae finds himself looking for an escape, nervously sipping the mixed drink that Bambam handed him, too quickly. There’s no room on the couches, no room out back, no extra room anywhere. The house is packed and Youngjae’s never considered himself claustrophobic, but the longer he stays in one spot the harder it is to breathe. He detaches himself from YugBam and assures them tirelessly that he’s fine, he just needs air. Bambam frowns at him and dumps the rest of his drink into Youngjae’s half-finished one, mixing two different flavors of soda with too much rum. The contents spill and wet his fingers, splash on his Vans, but, hey, it’s more booze. Youngjae hates the taste of alcohol no matter what flavor it comes in, but his inner bitterness towards Jaebum and himself and his _life,_ generally, is making it easier to down.

He pushes past couples, past people hooking up, and past drunk bastards. He feels a hand on his ass during his trek through the kitchen but doesn’t bother to look back. Jaebum hasn’t responded to his texts in over twelve hours. Jaebum had smiled at him and told him to ‘have fun’ when he heard about the party. Jaebum had told him not to come over that weekend. The highlight of Youngjae’s weekends are being with Jaebum, and now he’s being told that he should ‘hang out with Jackson, or something.’ For the second weekend in a row. He’s hyper-focusing on the memory of Jaebum’s gaze - insecure. Sad. A terrifying mix of both that had choked up Youngjae’s nerves. They’re coming back now, flooding his system harder than the alcohol.

Jaebum’s creating a rift and Youngjae wants to punch his way through it but he doesn’t know _how._

His drink is done before he even exits the house, so he swings back around and makes his back to the kitchen. There’s a girl there eyeing him, she flirts and pours him a drink and touches his arm and after Youngjae gets what he wants - a refill, the alcohol tells her, “Sorry, I like dick.” and heads out.

Cody spots him from outside, both hands holding cups. He smiles, looking just as sloppy as Youngjae feels. 

“Wanna share a shot with me?”

“How do you share a shot?”

Cody grins at him and takes one of the cups in his hands and sloshes it down his throat. Then he stares into the cup for a moment, swaying, “Here, finish it.”

“Of what?”

“Pineapple stuff.”

Youngjae’s never hated the taste of pineapple so much. It’s unbearable as it burns down his throat. But another would be nice.

Actually - you know what would be nice? Sitting outside on the patio to Jaebum’s apartment, grilling fruit on the small grill he keeps stored under the kitchen sink.

“Where’s your boyfriend?”

Youngjae leans against the railing, double-fisting drinks like the drunk he currently is, really wanting more of this pineapple stuff. The two drinks in his hands, even though they’re not the same, taste the same after a while. Maybe he can taste the pineapple somewhere mixed in.

“You guys break up?”

_None of your business._

“I dunno.”

“You guys fightin’?”

_None of your business._

“I dunno.”

“How you feelin’?”

_None of your business._

“Not… peachy.”

Cody throws his head back and laughs at that. “Christ, you’re the cutest fuckin’ thing. I’d never let ya go, if you were mine.”

Youngjae’s drunk. Not buzzed, not tipsy, he’s drunk. It’s been barely two hours since he got there. Jackson’s already ditched him. His boyfriend has blown him off. He’s ditched his other two friends. The Earth shifts underneath his feet as he walks, Cody’s words are making him all sorts of frustrated and he’s not sure which _type_ of frustration is the strongest, he’s feeling really hot. So he pulls off his tee-shirt, the front wet with droplets of alcohol, and stands there in a black tank top. Cody hums appreciatively, biting on the rim of his red cup.

“Shit, you’re hot.”

Youngjae runs a hand through his hair and Cody’s leaning forward, closing the space between their bodies. But Youngjae’s burning up from his core, Floridian weather not mixing well with the liquor in his system (he’s nearly done with his two drinks - he’s had a grand total of four so far and who knows what the alcohol content was) and Cody’s look is doing the opposite of making him feel uncomfortable. The smouldering gaze only gives him confidence. Youngjae wants to be wanted. And there was a time where he wouldn’t allow himself to give in to these wants.

But not by Cody. Not even if he’s drunk.

Youngjae’s decision making systems are down. So Cody gets a little too close, their hips brush, Youngjae leaning forward against the railing and Cody leaning back against it. Youngjae’s peripherals and spatial recognition are fucked. He can’t tell distance until Cody’s hands are on his lower back, a thumb hooked through his belt loops. Until Cody’s breath is on the apple of his cheek, his slurred voice in his ear, “You’re so fuckin’ hot, Jae.”

Past Cody’s mess of blond hair is Bambam and Yugyeom. It’s hard to tell if their matching expression of disapproving shock helps kick his brain into working gear - even though he’s still drunk and his brain is _not_ working - as if he needed someone close to him to remind him this is a bad thing, but he lamely shoves Cody away before they get even more impossibly closer.

But Cody reaches for him, holding him with an unsteady hand, not getting the picture. “Do you wanna head upstairs?”

“B-boyfriend.”

“Yeah, boyfriend that ain’t here.” Cody slumps forward, finishing off his drink. “Boyfriend that yer fightin’ with, huh? Boyfriend that don’t -” hiccup “- appreciate ya.” His fingers trail up the small slopes of Youngjae’s biceps. “Fuck, you liftin’ weights, man?”

Youngjae shakes his head but that only makes his knees weak. He exercises with Jaebum on Sunday mornings.

Or, at least, he did. Not these past two Sundays, though.

“Forget yer fuckin’ boyfriend, man.” Cody smiles that trademark smile of his - huge and warm, but he’s drunk and it’s not as cute. It’s not as innocent. “Y’know, I’ve never been with an Asian guy before.”

And then - and _then_ , in the middle of a drunken stupor filled with rage and confusion and fever, Youngjae’s fist balls up and he decks Cody in the fucking face.

Youngjae gasps as if he’s the one that’s been punched, stumbling and dropping his cup. The last bit of alcohol soaks his Vans, ruining them forever.

He doesn’t want Cody or anything that Cody is. He wants Jaebum, secrets and all. 

Youngjae doesn’t know what’s happening, even as a circle has formed around them and there are hands on his face - Jackson - and voices telling him he’s a badass - Yugyeom - and someone else telling him he’s stupid - Bambam - Youngjae just punched Cody in the face not even ten seconds ago and he doesn’t think he did. He can’t really remember.

“Holy _shit_ dude,” Jackson’s been drinking, it’s strong in his breath, but he’s a lot clearer than most the people crowded around. “The fuck’s wrong with you?”

Lovesick. Heartbroken. Tired of not taking control. Tired of not fighting for what he wants. 

“J-Jaebum might break up with me.”

“Have you missed the part where he’s hopelessly in love with you?” Yugyeom frowns, prying open Youngjae’s fist. “Calm down, it’s okay.”

The host and friends of the party have come, crowding between Youngjae and Cody. Bambam manages to assure them everything is fine, no one’s actually hurt - sans a dazed Cody that’s going to have an ugly mark on his face in the morning, maybe a black eye - and ushers his group of friends towards the front of the house.

Somewhere along the way, Youngjae notices an extra person in their circle.

“Hi,” He says, sticking out his hand. “I’m Youngjae Choi.”

Lucas looks surprised for a second, but then he smiles, all teeth and wonder, “I’m Lucas Rojas.”

“Cool.” Youngjae’s still plastered. “Lucas _Red_.” And Lucas laughs at that, a full belly laugh that has Youngjae laughing, too. (And he doesn’t know it right now, but Red is about to become Lucas’s nickname.)

In the distance there’s a roar of a motorcycle, and reality comes careening back into Youngjae’s befuddled head, sending him fully into panic mode. “J-Jaebum’s gonna break up with me. Jaebum’s not happy - Jaebum’s -”

“We’ll get you to Jaebum.” Jackson says, rubbing circles onto his drunkenly hysterical friend’s back. “Don’t worry, we’ll get you to Jaebum.”

 

Jaebum opens the door and his first reaction is to scrunch up his nose, the smell of College Frat Party blowing into his apartment as soon as the door cracks open. 

Next, is Youngjae. His boyfriend, drunk off his ass and shivering as if it weren’t hot as hell out. But he’s sweaty and his eyes are red. He looks good in a tank top.

“I’m sorry.”

Jaebum steps aside to let the boys in, but Youngjae doesn’t move and Lucas looks confused as hell to see Professor Tuan sitting on Youngjae’s boyfriends’ couch. Mark stares back at him, equally as confused. That student is in one of his classes this semester and he can’t place a name to the face.

“Sorry? For what?” Jaebum isn’t sure if he should grab Youngjae and haul him into the apartment.

“I dun’ wanna break up.”

Jinyoung materializes out of nowhere then, like the angel he is, and rounds up his husband and students. “Alright, let’s go. This is personal. Give them their privacy.”

Youngjae feels multiple pats on the back as his friends exit Jaebum’s apartment, but he doesn’t bother to see who it is that tries to comfort him. He stands in the middle of Jaebum’s living room, rubbing at his face with his palms. His hand is already turning a strange shade of green from where his knuckles made contact with the bone of Cody’s face.

“I love you, and I don’t want anybody else, and it’s okay that you can’t take me out or that we don’t go on fancy dinners ‘cause I wanna grill pineapples on the porch.”

“Pineapples...?”

“But you have to know that I’m willing to wait, if you need space, but know that I love you. I love you so so so so much and I wanna tell you that. I always roll over - like with my ma, my brother and sis, my… everything… my school. I always do what other people tell me to do but you always listen, so hear me now; I never think of breaking up with you. I’m happy with what we have. Let’s grill pineapples. Let’s watch movies here. It’s good... I just… we’re good… I just… I-I wanna throw up.”

Jaebum starts to move, startled because he should’ve seen this coming but still somehow, didn’t. He should’ve been prepared. “What?”

“I wanna barf.” It’s rising in his throat. “I’m gonna barf.”

~ * ~ * ~

Combine his low alcohol tolerance with stress and the amount of alcohol he’d ingested, and understand that Youngjae spends two days in bed.

He wakes up Sunday morning feeling completely disjointed from his body. He’s the Pillsbury dough boy, limbs heavy and body feeling formless. But if you poke him, he’s not going to giggle, he’s going to dry heave. There’s nothing in his stomach and there’s even less in his skull. His tongue is fat and his toes won’t move when he tries to wiggle them.

“I’ll go warm up your burger.”

The time it takes for Jaebum to stick the greasy food in the microwave and come back, is the same amount of time it takes for Youngjae to process what’s been said. He smells the burger as soon as Jaebum re-enters the bedroom; the smell of the meat patty only agitating his stomach. He buries himself under the covers and sobs half-heartedly.

“Youngjae-yah, come out. Get some food in your stomach.”

“No.”

“Eat some fries.”

“ _God_ , no.”

“It’ll make you feel better. Here’s water and aspirin, too.”

“Where’s my hangover soup?”

“I don’t know how to make that. Drink the water and eat the damn fries.”

“That’s so American.”

Jaebum laughs at that, digging Youngjae out from underneath blankets and pillows. “I’m sorry I was raised here.” They can finally see each other now. Youngjae looks much like how he feels; his skin is oily, eyes puffy and hair a rat’s nest. But Jaebum still thinks he’s handsome beyond words; it’s the cutest hangover he’s ever seen. But he might just be biased.

Youngjae’s head is filled with numbing static, but he can already see that Jaebum’s gaze towards him has changed. Whatever it was that he said -

Sudden memories rattle horror though his body.

“Oh, _God_ ,”

Now Jaebum’s expression is shifting towards concern.

“Did I throw up on your floor? Are your slippers okay? They’re cute slippers.” They’re honestly the most ridiculous pair of slippers ever, cow slippers, plushy four legs that Jaebum sometimes trips over, and horns. Well, they used to have horns, Nora chewed them off. Mark had bought them as a joke but Jaebum still wears them.

Jaebum laughs like it’s the funniest thing he’s heard all week. So Youngjae assumes that’s a no. His cow slippers are safe.

“Later, when you’re feeling better, we’re going to the movies.”

Youngjae pulls the blankets up to his chin. He’s still too hungover to process happiness right now. All his emotions turn to mush in his stomach.

“Movies?”

“Yeah, and then we can grill pineapples on the porch.”

Youngjae clearly doesn’t understand the pineapple comment. That’s blacked out. Jaebum laughs so hard he almost falls off the bed.

~ * ~ * ~

Do people really make out in movie theaters? Because the arm rest folds up and gives Youngjae full access to his boyfriend, who chuckles, grabbing Youngjae’s thigh to pull his legs over his lap. He’s leaning over to keep their mouths slotted together, Youngjae clutching desperately to his shirt.

They break apart because Jaebum’s taking the initiative of adult, and there needs to be distance in order for him to properly contain his want. Youngjae doesn’t seem to realise how attractive he really is and the older boy has a hard time trying not to prove it to him. They settle on cuddling, feeding each other popcorn and Jaebum teases that a horror movie would’ve been more fun, but scaredy-cat Youngjae had to stomp out that possibility.

They do dinner, a fancy Italian restaurant that doesn’t list the prices on the menu. Youngjae asks Bambam to dress him for this, and he’s uncomfortable in the slacks for a while. It takes some getting used to, and the way Jaebum smiles at him from his motorcycle gives him a confidence boost. He pulls the spare helmet on and hops on the bike, wrapping his arms around the rider’s waist. Jaebum twists to tell him he’s handsome, and Youngjae tightens his grip on his slender waist just before they roll into traffic.

This is a dream that Youngjae doesn’t want to sleep through. He lies awake at night staring at the ceiling, feeling love-struck all over again, even with Jackson snoring only a few feet away from him. 

It’s like they’re falling in love with each other all over again, over the candlelit dinner, in the movie theater, and because of the kiss that Jaebum sneaks in the parking lot outside Youngjae’s dorm and eleven at night.

He sleeps the next night, but wakes up feeling ready for the day. 

Until he reaches for his backpack and loses all feeling in his fingers.

Jackson pulls him into the sunlight. “Shit, dude.” He inspects Youngjae’s swollen, blue knuckles. “How fuckin’ hard did you hit Cody? He deserved it, but you didn’t have to break your damn hand.”

“It’s not broken! Why would it take four days to bruise?”

“Dude, I’m not a doctor. I dunno.”

Jackson calls Jaebum. Who’s in class. He doesn’t pick up the first five times and with each missed call Youngjae gets closer and closer to winning the battle over the cell phone, but sixth time’s a charm because Jaebum answers. He seems a little annoyed, until he hears that Youngjae’s hand might be broken. He dismisses his class without a second thought, and rushes across campus.

Youngjae is sitting outside with Jackson and Yugyeom, feeling like a sick animal, or something.

“What the hell is this?” Jaebum had noticed that Youngjae’s hand was sore and red, it’s not hard to miss the way it was tender around his knuckles, but this is a lot worse that it was last night. Youngjae’s knuckles are one swollen mass, the purple and green and blue splotching down the top of his hand.

“He punched Cody so hard I think he broke it.” Yugyeom supplies.

“Yeah, Cody crawled the fuck home on Friday after the party and I don’t know anyone that’s heard from that bastard since.” Jackson nods his head approvingly.

Jaebum, however, slowly shifts his attention down to his boyfriend. “You… _punched_ … Cody?”

“Oh, shit, he didn’t tell you?” Yugyeom glances down at Youngjae, who’s trying to hide behind his injured hand.

“Dude, there’s a _video_.” But Jackson quickly veers back on course. “But - I’ll text it to you! Bring my little otter to the hospital!”

Jaebum resists the urge to carry Youngjae to his motorcycle. His hand is injured, not his leg. 

“When the fuck did you punch Cody?”

The younger boy shrugs. “I was so drunk.”

“I _know_. Do you remember the pineapples yet?”

“No, and I’m scared to ask.”

“So why’d you punch Cody?”

“He, uh, came on to me. So I… punched him.”

The faculty lot is pretty empty at the moment, so Jaebum spins around and yanks his boyfriend in for a burning kiss. The sun beats mercilessly on the back of his neck, but Jaebum feels hotter than that against his chest.

A staff member might’ve seen them, but the couple doesn’t quite give a fuck.

~ * ~ * ~

“We’re almost there.”

Youngjae looks up from his iced tea, then glances towards Mark that’s standing only a few feet away from them, tending to the grill. He’s definitely not out of earshot, but he focuses on the steaks lying atop of the fire as if the couple weren’t even there. Youngjae feels comfortable with Mark there, like he could lay out his heart and soul to Jaebum and Mark would never look at him any differently, never bring it up, as if he truly weren’t overhearing everything.

“What do you mean, hyung?”

Jaebum stares up at the grey clouds. “I was so worried about our relationship, but summer break is three months away, and we can ease into this.”

Youngjae leans over a bit, his feet dragging against the petrified wood of the porch. “I’m sorry I got drunk - again, and confessed to you while drunk. Again.”

“It’s okay.” Jaebum laughs, yanking Youngjae closer by his chair. His muscles flex, skin taut over the ridges and angles, and Youngjae can’t help himself when he leans in to kiss Jaebum’s bicep. He smiles kisses it again, watching the way Jaebum watches him from behind his thick sunglasses.

Youngjae leans in, craning over the space between their chairs to steal a kiss. 

“Don’t make me bring out the house rules.” Jinyoung interrupts the moment, coming outside with seasonings and sliced vegetables to put on the grill. “I’ll print them on a plaque and hang them by the front door.”

Youngjae smiles and slumps against Jaebum’s chest. He laughs as his boyfriend pulls him out of his chair and into his lap. Youngjae settles comfortably on Jaebum’s crotch and tries to look innocent when Jinyoung glares at them.

“Whatever, just don’t eat other’s faces before lunch.”

“After lunch?” Jaebum pushes and pulls the boy in his lap, getting them both comfortable. It’s way too hot for cuddles, but the cool breeze and awning above their heads helps in this sticky weather.

“Yeah, after lunch, after you go home.” Jinyoung rolls his eyes and joins his husband by the grill, inspecting the meat. The other couple is left to themselves, playing on their phones, texting their parents. It’s the weekend before spring break and midterms are over, the professors have all finished their grading, it’s _easy._ Mark and Jinyoung even extended the invite for a celebratory lunch at their house out to Youngjae’s friends. Jackson calls when they get there, and in lieu of getting off Jaebum’s lap, Youngjae just tells them to swing out back.

They’re extremely out of place for a while, weirdly shifting between calling the professors by their first names or as professor. Mark assures them first name is fine, and grabs the beers from inside.

Jackson, Bambam and Yugyeom aren’t used to seeing Youngjae and Jaebum be intimate. They’re not used to it _at all_. They only 2Jae they’re used to is the awkward waves from across campus, or the 2Jae that involves the two of them rushing off on a motorcycle, faces hidden behind tinted helmet visors. So there are a lot of curious glances in their direction as the group processes the sight of teacher and student before them. It’s different to see it than gossip about it.

And Lucas, who’s new to this whole thing, still calls Mark as Professor Tuan. He has him this semester. He’s also failing. But Mark smiles at him like he’s not even thinking about it.

Youngjae nurses a Corona and lime in his wrapped hand. It’s fractured, not enough to need a cast, but he has it heavily wrapped and he’s been prescribed pain meds. Explaining that one to his mom was hard. She nearly grounded him from thousands of miles away.

At some point, as the afternoon melds into evening and eases the tension in the group, Bambam and Yugyeom talk about spring break. They’re staying here in Florida to stay with Yugyeom’s parents. Then, their summer will be broken into three; Thailand, South Korea, Florida.

“Are you thinking of going back to Thailand after graduation?” Jinyoung asks, sharing a beer with Mark. 

“I… used to think about it.” Bambam glances at his boyfriend, reaching for his hand. “But, I don’t know, maybe I could do something here in America.”

“I’d like it if you stayed.” Yugyeom says with a soft smile. Bambam smiles back, but they turn away from each other, setting that private moment aside for now. It’s a conversation they’ve clearly had a thousand times already.

“Jinyoung and I met here in Florida.” Mark smiles at the young couple, about to relate his own story to theirs. “I’m from LA, and I came here for an internship for one year and met Jinyoung in a seminar. We were in the same teaching program.”

“I remember that.” Jaebum laughs. “You _hated_ me.”

“I hated your fuckin’ guts.” Mark laughs and Jinyoung leans against him. “You guys were so close and you’d always whisper to each other in Korean. I thought there was something going on between you two, but I still wanted to ask Jinyoung out. You were in my way.” He glares at Jaebum, who rolls his eyes.

“So you stayed here in Florida to be with him?” Jackson asks, eyes glittering at how cute this story seems to him. But it doesn’t go the way he thought it would.

“No, I never asked him out. I sulked because for much of the seminar, I thought Jinyoung and Jaebum had a thing even though they said they weren’t dating. I went back to LA after the year was over and we kept in touch through e-mails and text.”

“ _I_ had to ask _him_ out.” Jinyoung laughs, nudging his husband. “I wasn’t even in America then. JB and I were visiting family in Korea and I asked him over Skype.”

“You guys traveled the world together and I was _so_ jealous.” Mark groans.

“Wait, you guys didn’t see each other when you were together?” Bambam asks, trying to figure out the timeline.

“No, we dated long-distance for two years until Mark moved to Florida. We got an apartment together then.” 

“I think we only saw each other five times in person.”

“Over the span of two years? Only fives times?” Yugyeom asks in disbelief.

Mark and Jinyoung nod. “Well he was between Korea and Florida. And I was between Taiwan and LA. Traveling to see each other was another expense neither of us could afford.”

“The only reason I ever came to America was because of JB.” Jinyoung explains with a shrug. “But I had nothing else here, and if it weren’t for JB I would’ve never done it. So I didn’t feel very happy here. Until Mark. Until I found a job and he made the move. We got married after two years of living together.”

Mark cups Jinyoung’s hands above the table, gently smoothing a thumb over his skin. Their wedding bands glimmer in the sunlight. “It was weird for a while, because we had to tell our parents and mine were fine with the news, but Jinyoung’s parents rejected us.”

“The only reason we sent out the wedding invitations was because Mark believed in miracles.”

“It _was_ a miracle. Your parents flew all the way out here and showed up for our wedding. They didn’t even RSVP, we were totally not prepared. I cried off all my makeup before I even put on my suit.”

Jinyoung smiles at him, bittersweet with the memories. “I love you.”

“You, too.” Mark smiles back at him.

“I have to tell my parents.” Youngjae mumbles into his beer. Bambam and Yugyeom’s parents love and accept them; pay for airfare for them to share their vacations. MarkJin’s parents are loving and welcoming. He’s even overheard Jaebum trying to tell his parents that they’ll meet his boyfriend. One day, he keeps telling them, because things are complicated right now. His mother is antsy because she wants to know who her son is dating.

But Youngjae’s father doesn’t even know he’s gay. His sister doesn’t know. His mother took it well, but he needs to bring Jaebum home. That’s the first step to bring their relationship out of the shadows. They need to start with their families.

“Will you do it over spring break?” Jackson asks, frowning, worried for his friend.

“Probably.” Youngjae says, turning to his boyfriend. “I know my dad isn’t going to be okay, so I might wait…”

“What if I came up?”

The air around them freezes. “What… what do you mean?”

“I’ll come up to Massachusetts. I’ll come up and we can tell them together.”

There’s a muttered ‘damn’ from someone, it’s probably Lucas, maybe Jackson, but Youngjae is staring into Jaebum’s steady gaze. He’s ready. He’s sure. They’ve danced around this for too long and now it’s time to jump in. 

“Later, tonight, I’ll book a flight and hotel.”

“Are you sure…?”

“I’ll get a flight for Monday.” Jaebum smiles at him and dips in for a kiss. 

Mark shakes his head with an affectionate smile and sips on his beer. Jinyoung studies the love that floats in his best friend’s eyes. He’s never seen Jaebum like this. They’ve known each other most of their lives. “I’m so happy for you two.” Jinyoung says, and the rest of the group agrees.

Youngjae leans his head against Jaebum’s and holds him tightly. He leaves tomorrow night, he’ll hang out for a day until Jaebum arrives, and they have one week to smooth this over. 

Youngjae’s ready to swing into spring break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really wanted to talk about markjin and expand more on jinyoung/jaebum's relationship bc i feel like i never emphasized it much. and this chapter used to be 7k words of just angst and drama but i hacked at it bc i wanted something a little fluffier and a little more slice of life :)
> 
> there's only 1 more chapter left! i'm still playing around a little with it and i promise happy endings.


	7. Course Outline

Youngjae borrows his grandmother’s blue Toyota and picks Jaebum up from the airport. His body is jittery with the way his nerves are acting up, and he babbles the whole ride to the hotel. Jaebum watches him carefully. There’s really nothing he can say to appease his boyfriend because things are going to unfold the way they unfold, and there’s nothing they can do to change fate. They also can’t back out on this. 

As if it weren’t already suspicious enough to his uninformed parents that he takes his grandmother’s car at dawn without reason, Youngjae spends the night with Jaebum, too, not returning the car. It’s not like his grandmother needs it, she’s not supposed to be driving, anyway. So Youngjae’s grandmother tells him he can keep the car for as long as he’d like, he ignores his father’s text asking him why he’s stealing his grandmother's car, and curls up under the white sheets of Jaebum’s small hotel room with his jeans on. Jaebum has to pry his clothes off of him, reminding him over and over that he’ll regret it in the morning if he doesn’t take off the stiff material. His mother texts him multiple times throughout the evening and Youngjae assures her over and over that he’s fine. She’ll see him in the morning. But he’s been dodgy since arriving back home and she’s worried.

Sleeping that night is more exhausting than it’s worth, and Youngjae wakes in the morning to burning eyes and heavy feet. Jaebum kisses him slowly for the first time since he’s arrived in Massachusetts. Youngjae had been too on edge the day before to even think of doing anything past cuddling. Youngjae had been too on edge to really appreciate that, too.

“You know that, no matter what happens, I’ll still be here.” 

Youngjae curls his fingers with Jaebum’s, smiling tersely. “And I’ll be here, too.”

They climb into the Toyota and head towards Youngjae’s old house. There’s a layer of snow on the ground, but the roads are clear and clean. Jaebum stares out the window, taking in the view of quiet neighborhoods and children building snowmen. He’d probably like this small town of Massachusetts had he come here under a different circumstance.

The house is a white home with blue shutters. A freshly-mowed lawn. A long driveway. The mailbox is a miniature version of the house. Youngjae’s mom drives a minivan. It’s _ordinary_. 

But there are so many memories scattered about the lawn. When he was twelve, Youngjae lost control of his bike and crashed into the mailbox. The scars on his elbow are from him skidding against the curb. There’s a crack in the driveway where his junior-year prom date snagged her heel and crashed into Youngjae. It was his first time (accidentally) feeling up a girl. And for a sixteen year old boy still confused on his sexual orientation, it was kinda nice.

Youngjae remembers when he helped paint the front door from green to blue, when they changed the flooring from carpet to tile to hardwood, when they mounted a flat-screen TV on the wall for the first time. All his friends thought he was the coolest, because they were one of the first people in the neighborhood with a plasma. Youngjae doesn’t know what happened to any of those friends. He doesn’t know what happened to Ashley, the prom date he accidentally groped.

Jaebum doesn’t see any of this. He sees polished hardwood and empty walls. He sees stacks of boxes and an old couch out on the street, ready for garbage pickup. Youngjae looks at that couch and thinks of the first horror movie he ever saw and his first kiss with Ashley. It was an awful first kiss. Her asking him out to prom after that came as a total surprise.

Taewon, Youngjae’s father, smiles when he sees his son and steps around a bundle of laundry to extend his hand. It’s almost weird to see him again. It’s been too long. He doesn’t look real. 

He’s the first to greet Jaebum with kindness. Soyeon, however, immediately picks up on what’s going on. She nearly drops the things in her hands, eyes flickering from her son to his boyfriend wearily. The sight of her, shoulders square, gaze apprehensive, sinks in Youngjae’s stomach. He thought she was supportive. She doesn’t look it here.

“Im Jaebum.” He greets with a smile, bowing politely.

“Ah, how come I haven’t heard of you?” Taewon laughs and releases his hold on the other man’s hand. “Youngjae, how come you never told me about your friend? Did you meet on campus?”

“Yeah.”

“What brings you all the way up to Massachusetts?”

This is Taewon playing the host. Playing the part of perfect father. But Jaebum knows more than he probably should since he’s the one that’s tried to comfort Youngjae of all the stress his father puts on the family, and he knows it’s an act. This man has been nothing but miserable for the past few years; chasing away his wife and two sons, creating tension between his daughter and wife. This front only angers Jaebum, and he feels confidence blossom within him.

“Dad, I have to tell you something.” Yongjae takes a step forward and Jaebum grasps his hand.

Soyeon stays paralyzed in the background and his brother averts his gaze.

“Jaebum… is my boyfriend.”

Minah makes a small noise of surprise and glances towards her mother. She hadn’t known.

“Boyfriend?” Taewon drops his friendly facade within the second. Fury creeps up his cheeks. “ _Boyfriend_? What kind of joke is this?”

“It’s not…”

“Is this a sick fucking joke? You go to college out of state with _my_ money and you come home with a _boyfriend_?” Taewon scans the expressions of the rest of his family. No one offers to stand on his side, but he’ll stand alone on this one, no problem.

Jaebum’s grip on Youngjae’s hand is bone-breaking. It’s the same hand that he used to punch Cody with, it’s still a sore motley of purples and greens, and goes numb underneath the pressure. 

Taewon reveals his ugly side; the side that caused a divorce, the side that caused Youngjae to run away, the side that caused his own children to take different paths with their lives, barely looking back over their shoulder. And he yells at Youngjae in a way that shows how truly hideous a person he is. Jaebum sets his jaw, solid and _furious_. 

Worthless, disgusting, disowned, are a few words slapped in their faces. At this point, Youngjae’s just waiting for his father to take action. He tenses up, lowers his jaw, and Jaebum tugs him back a step, and another, pulling Youngjae behind him.

“Your son…” Jaebum’s voice is thin and pointed. “Is an _amazing_ person. He’s self-reliant. He’s smart. He’s devoted. He’s an inspiration. I have never met someone that’s like Youngjae. I can’t believe that you would see past all these things because of who he loves. You should be _proud_ of your son and the man he’s become.”

Taewon’s a loose canon now, jutting a finger too close for comfort in Jaebum’s face.

“You can’t come into _my_ home -”

“ _Your_ home? Where, exactly?” Jaebum gestures towards the packed up memories scattered around them. Taewon’s fists ball up.

Youngjae’s stunned, his heart hammering in his chest, crawling up this throat and fat in his mouth. Jaebum holds his hand in a vice grip, standing between him and his father as if a shield, reinforcing his stance with his short words. 

Jaebum embodies everything his parents have always feared; a wild, free spirit. They’re more conservative, believes in blending in with the crowd, never allowed any of their kids to dye their hair or have piercings and always kept a close eye on what they watched on television, or what games they played, or the friends they had. Youngjae always obeyed, like a good son, because he was the youngest and the baby. Mom showered him with affection and as long as he stayed in line, he was pampered. He always did what was expected of him, no questions asked.

When he was eight years old, his mother banned tank tops. His sister was fourteen at the time and mortified by this new rule. Youngjae hadn’t understood then. When his mother took away a video game another parents gave him for his twelfth birthday, he didn’t complain. He quietly handed the game over when she held her hand out. That’s just thes son he’s always been. 

Jaebum wears silver bracelets, has hoops up and down his ears, his hair is a vibrant, attention-gathering red, freshly dyed, because he doesn’t give a shit. He wears tight jeans, a studded leather jacket and black boots. And he still manages to be the man he is - the responsible, adoring, wonderful person that he is, even though Taewon won’t see past that. He won’t see their intertwined hands to understand that this man has been the foundation to the person that Youngjae knows he’s becoming. The person that Jaebum’s defending. 

But then again, that man isn’t everything his parents have wanted him to be. And that’s okay.

It was his look that dragged Youngjae down; you know, the bad boy vibe his wardrobe gives off, everything that he _can’t_ be and _can’t_ have. Then it was the goofy but intelligent boy that’s filled with love underneath those layers of leather. Jaebum treats Youngjae the way he _should_ be treated; adored and treasured. Hell, he flew out here on his vacation to hold Youngjae’s hand when he came out to his father.

His father, who holds no place in Youngjae’s life anymore.

“We’re not here for your blessing.”

Youngjae swallows and opens his mouth again, stepping so he’s bumping shoulders with his boyfriend, side by side.

The motivation behind Youngjae leaving was a shitty one, but it’s all a learning experience. 

“We’re not here for your blessing.” Youngjae looks his father directly in the eyes. He’s never done that before. “I’m taking my things and I’m leaving with Jaebum.”

 

Soyeon sorts out her son’s things. Jaehyun helps Jaebum carry the heavier boxes out to grandma’s Toyota. Minah organises the things in the trunk.

The damage has already been done, so fuck whatever the others think of them. Taewon peers out the front door, waiting for the couple to leave. Minah and Jaehyun awkwardly loiter in the driveway. Soyeon kisses her son on the forehead and steps aside. She offers Jaebum a watery smile.

Youngjae kisses Jaebum in the driveway. Firm. Sure. No regrets. It’s a huge middle finger at not just his father watching them with a scowl, but at the fake memories of the white and blue house.

Youngjae pulls into the road and grips the steering wheel with two hands. Once the very tip of the house is gone from the rear view mirror, once the very top of the chimney disappears from their field of vision, Jaebum pries one of Youngjae’s hands from the steering wheel to hold it tightly.

“I’m proud of you.”

And Youngjae’s expression twists painfully, a full-bodied sob wrecking him.

~ * ~ * ~

“You were the first person I ever had sex with.”

It’s said more to the darkness than the man at his side, but Youngjae can hear the way Jaebum’s breath catches, belatedly, as if he had to process the words. But Youngjae isn’t sleeping. This is the second night in a row where his days and nights are full of nightmares.

“I don’t know why I’m thinking about it.” Youngjae speaks again, voice tired from crying. “But like… we had been only dating two weeks, and we didn’t go on dates, and I knew that we shouldn’t of been dating, but I _really_ wanted to have sex with you. I-I think… I think I was ready to be with another guy. I wanted it. I wanted you.”

Jaebum shifts to turn the bedside lamp on, but rethinks it as soon as he touches the switch. Youngjae is grateful for the darkness, the downy mattress is comfortable around him, letting his tired bones sink into it. Jaebum closes the distance between them and hooks both his arms around his boyfriend, pulling him tightly into his chest.

“And now you know there’s no shame in that, even though I was your professor.”

“Yeah, exactly… I-I was always… so scared. I knew my parents would hate me. And… so… my first year I roomed with some guy I never talked to again. He was really weird. I tried to talk to him but he didn’t want to be friends. And one day… Kyle came to pick me up. We had English together.” It feels so weird saying his name after so many years, because Kyle’s not really an important figure anymore. He doesn’t even go the university anymore. “I liked him, he was nice. We went on a few dates. But my roommate was _really_ weird about it. He got uncomfortable whenever Kyle stopped by. And once the semester was over he totally blocked me out and wouldn’t even say hi when I passed by him on campus.”

“He never told you why he didn’t like you?”

Youngjae shrugs, blinking at the darkness. “No. But it felt like he didn’t like me because of Kyle. Because Kyle was a guy I liked and he didn’t like that I liked guys. So Kyle and I didn’t work out. Because my roommate made me even more uncomfortable about who I am.”

Jaebum hums. 

“But then I got paired up with Bambam and it was so different. Bambam’s awesome, and sometimes I miss him. And he was friends with Jackson, who knew Yugyeom, and introduced us all. I’ve only known them for three years, but I can’t live without them.”

His gut twists when he thinks this is his and Jackson’s last year, and neither of them are from Florida. But he tries to stay on track.

“I’ve only been on, like, two dates. And I can’t hook-up - I don’t know, it’s _weird_ , and Jackson tried taking us to a club.” He’s thinking of the flashing lights and loud music and even though it’s an awful memory, he can laugh about it now. “There was a guy there… wait, so there were these raised platforms in the corners, like tables. And there were girls or guys dancing on them, and Jackson was trying to dance with them, but their job was to stand there and dance, so they didn’t look at him. After he gave up we found Yugyeom and Bambam kissing upstairs. That was the first time they kissed and we knew they liked each other, it was _obvious_ from the start. We didn’t find them until the next day.” His voice is a little louder now, a little more confident. “Anyway… Jackson pulled me into the corner afterwards and we talked about how we were single and lonely. And he tried to be my wingman but I didn’t feel comfortable hooking up with a stranger. So, you know, Jackson spent the rest of the night with me. At first I thought he was going to try something, but he didn’t. He stayed with me because he’s my friend and loves me. He didn’t even leave to dance when some guy asked him to. He supports me so much. And Bambam supports me. And Yugyeom supports me. And then you came along and I realised that I didn’t care anymore… I didn’t care what everyone else thought of me. I want to be with you. Even if my parents don’t like it. Even if the school doesn’t like it. Even if my roommate my first year doesn’t like it.”

There’s a ‘but’ coming. 

Down the hallway, the elevator dings. The people that exit the elevator are just coming in, their luggage dragging behind them, their voices carrying down the hallway.

“But it still hurts that my dad doesn’t love me. And that my mom can’t understand.”

Youngjae hopes that this is the last time he cries about this.

~ * ~ * ~ 

Jaebum wakes first and sneaks out, bed head and wrinkled pj’s and all, to grab them breakfast from the breakfast buffet. Youngjae wakes up to Jaebum smearing too much cream cheese on a blueberry bagel. It’s still warm when Youngjae takes a bite of it. The coffee is too sweet but warm in his stomach.

The blueberry bagel and hot coffee in bed lifts Youngjae’s early-morning mood. It’s light, calming, the television playing some muted early morning talk show that he doesn’t really care for. He and Jaebum take a hot shower together, get ready together, play music and Jaebum impresses him with some well trained dance moves. He’s heard of Jinyoung and Jaebum’s past hobby of dance, but the two have never demonstrated their abilities.

They sing duets that surely carry down the halls through the hotel walls, hitting notes with passion and free spirit as they style their hair and Jaebum replaces all his stud earrings with small hoops.

Jaebum throws on a grungy shirt, ripped jeans and vans, which inspire Youngjae to try on a pair of faded jeans he bought at the mall. Jaebum seems happy with the jeans.

“These are nice.” He steals a quick, rough kiss. “Your ass looks great.”

Youngjae picks out his worn grey converse and a white shirt. It feels a little ridiculous, like he’s trying to copy Jaebum’s style, but they really do look cute together. 

Today, it’s gorgeous. The snow melts. The breeze is cool and the sun is out. Youngjae feeds off its’ energy and Jaebum feeds off of his boyfriend’s energy, facing him like a sunflower the whole day. They make it to Boston and walk through cluttered Boston foot traffic.

They do everything they can outside; travel through the outdoor market, catch a duck tour, go to the zoo. At the end of the day they sit on a park bench and share ice cream cones.

Youngjae sleeps like a baby that night and drools on Jaebum’s chest.

They can hold hands here, take plenty selfies together, share a mocha iced coffee. They can shop together, hold hands in the aquarium, Youngjae even goes as far as sitting in Jaebum’s lap on the bus. Other people barely spare them a glance.

 _This_ is the Jaebum he was looking for. _This_ is the relationship they’ve waited so many months to be able to have. 

Youngjae forgets about his parents, forgets about his parents anger. Here, their ages and statuses don’t matter. 

On the next day of their vacation, New England weather rears it’s ugly head and the temperature drops significantly. Everything they can do inside, they do. Jaebum buys them beanies. They walk into a Dunkin Donuts at the end of the night, looking for one last drink to warm them up on their walk back to the hotel, and the worker behind the counter nearly jumps over the register to sweep Youngjae into a hug.

“Youngjae!” She shouts, not even giving him a chance to take a look at her. As of right now, he’s being attacked by a stranger.

Jaebum’s gaze grows dark, but he says nothing as Youngjae steps away to take a look at the girl. Things change once he gets a look of her, and he’s wrapping his arms around Ashley and introducing her as a girl he went to school with, from fourth grade until senior year. A girl he did a book report on Thomas Edison with in the sixth grade. A cute, petite girl with blonde hair and blue eyes. A girl he used to sit with and hang out with every so often on the weekends. A girl he went to prom with.

Their conversation is mundane, but they’re both clearly excited and clearly care to hear how the other is doing.

Youngjae reaches for Jaebum, tangling their fingers. “This is my boyfriend, Jaebum.”

Ashley laughs lightheartedly. She doesn’t care. She doesn’t even blink at the news. It’s almost like telling her lifts some of the weight off of Youngjae’s shoulders. This is the reaction he wants from now on; full acceptance. “Oh, my gosh, I’m so glad you found someone. You’re the sweetest person and I’m sure Jaebum knows this.”

Not only does Ashley take the news so well, she wants to know how they met, how long they’ve been together, what they’re doing up here, how their families are doing. She gets the hint when Youngjae’s expression falls to the floor at the mention of his father, and immediately veers off course. 

They spend more time than originally planned inside the coffee shop and Ashley waves them off when Jaebum pulls out his wallet.

“Don’t even worry about it.” She says, sliding their lattes over the counter. “Have a good night, guys! And it was so great to see you again.” Ashley hugs both of them and wishes them well. 

“This is nice.” Youngjae says, swinging his and Jaebum’s linked hands. He’s skipping in his step and Jaebum only smiles fondly at him. He stops when he realises what he’s doing. “Oh, man, I’m so embarrassing. I’m sorry.”

Jaebum laughs and shakes his head. He skips - actually _skips_ , imagine punk rock skipping - and Youngjae takes off after him down the sidewalk. He nearly slides on some ice, Jaebum’s boots giving him better traction than Youngjae’s Nike’s, and they crash into each other on the street corner. Jaebum presses a cold kiss to his forehead and it lingers.

“This is really nice. I’m having so much fun.”

Jaebum stares at Youngjae’s handsome face, melting in the light in his eyes. “You know, I really miss my bike. This cold weather sucks.”

Youngjae laughs, free and unbothered, and brings their intertwined hands to his lips, kissing the back of Jaebum’s palm. “We gotta go for a ride when we get back.”

~ ~

Jaebum barely gets his sneakers off when Youngjae is attaching to him, chuckling as he steals kisses.

“Okay, hold on.” Jaebum laughs as Youngjae misses his lips and plants a kiss on his nose instead, the older boy trying to get his shoes off. Once they’re kicked to the side he grabs his boyfriend by the waist, hauling him over to the bed.

Youngjae’s expression is vividly happy, eyes shining and smile stretched wide. He loops his arms around Jaebum’s neck and pulls him so his body is atop of Youngjae, the two of them lying against the sheets. They take kisses between conversation, talking about the aquarium, the latte they had downtown - talking about their date. Their real, uninterrupted date.

Jaebum lies on top of his boyfriend comfortably, head to toe, with face hidden in Youngjae’s neck, humming when appropriate as Youngjae gushes about the otters - “My brothers and sisters!” He says, pulling out his phone to show the text messages between him and his friends. They’re all excited for the 2Jae date and even more excited about the otters. Jackson jokes that Youngjae should go live in their pen.

“Hey, tomorrow, can we go ice skating?”

Jaebum hums into his neck, pressing lazy kisses every so often to the same spot. “Why not?”

“What about the museum? Or - oh! We should hit up the breweries. You’d like that.”

“Wherever you want to go, we’ll go.”

Tonight they sleep curled together, naked underneath a single sheet, Jaebum rubbing Youngjae’s shoulders until he falls asleep with a smile tugging at his lips.

~ * ~ * ~

Youngjae thought he was the shy type, but being with Jaebum brings out a whole other side of him that he’s more shocked to think of than to be embarrassed of. Maybe the two of them had a little too many beers at the brewery. Even though the alcohol pretty much drained out of his system on their walk back to the hotel.

He’s trying to be quiet - hotels are notorious for having thin walls, but Jaebum has him on his hands and knees, one hand tracing his spine up and down, riding with the waves of pleasure that crash through his bones. So being quiet is a little hard for Youngjae, the boy with strong vocals and had sung solos in middle and high school choirs. 

Youngjae muffles his begging of ‘ _please_ ’ and ‘ _more_ ’ with a pillow, burying his face in the softness of it, biting at the pillowcase as Jaebum fucks him mercilessly from behind, head lolled back and eyes fluttering with bliss. He’s on one knee, the other leg bent at at Youngjae’s side, giving him the leverage needed for the to fuck with a fury that Youngjae can’t meet, only bend to.

Jaebum pulls off his rings and lets them drop into the folds of the comforter, one hand gripping the taut muscle of Youngjae’s sore thighs, the other wrapping around his neglected cock, red and swollen; leaking. And Youngjae releases a long, wanton moan, body shivering as Jaebum’s hand provides both relief and stress on his body, the conflicting feelings bundling in his belly. He fists the sheets and bites again into the pillow, groaning brokenly as he cums. The sensation of his orgasm rolls through his body and Jaebum feels it around his cock, hand moving to grab at Youngjae’s thighs as he cums in him, thrusting until there’s nothing left and exhaustion crashes through his body.

They roll over on the bed, trying to avoid the mess on one side of the mattress, but it’s not long before Youngjae can feel lube and cum trickling between his thighs. It’s not usually a good feeling, but today he almost doesn’t mind it.

“Holy… _crap_.” He mumbles, blinking away the spots in his vision. 

Jaebum laughs at that, pulling the younger boy against his chest so they’re pressed together, sweat and cum and all. “I’m so glad you feel like that.”

Youngjae wiggles his toes against Jaebum’s, giggling as Jaebum tickles his feet back, burying his face in Jaebum’s side. “I love you.”

Jaebum grins at him. “Is that the orgasm talking?”

Youngjae doesn’t deny it. He can still feel the pleasure of it tingling under his skin. He doesn’t want to move, and makes a fuss, when Jaebum drags him to the shower to quickly clean each other off. Jaebum is gentle when washing him down, kisses his shoulders, tells him he’s handsome, that he’s the best thing to ever happen to him.

“I’ve never loved anyone like I love you.” Jaebum says softly, honestly. Youngjae knows he’s dated a few times before, he knows he’s not even close to being Jaebum’s first, but that’s not important. Youngjae can feel the love Jaebum has for him when they’re together. He can feel it when they’re apart.

“I can’t wait for next semester to end. I’ll graduate and we can officially be together.”

“And that means we’ll have kept this a secret for over a year.” Jaebum pushes Youngjae’s bangs from his face. “It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long.”

“No, I think… I don’t think I’m the same person I used to be.”

Jaebum smirks, his fingers ghosting over Youngjae’s neck. “No, you’re not.” And his hands get swatted away.

“Stop! I’m serious. It’s like… I took Bio with you, and got a crash course on life.”

Jaebum’s smirk fades into a soft smile. “We took it together.”

Jaebum looks at him in a way that makes Youngjae forget all the troubles they’ve had to get to this moment, and reels him in for a passionate kiss.

~ * ~ * ~ 

They have to buy suitcases, make the drive back to Soyeon’s place to get Youngjae’s things, return the car, and catch a plane early the next morning. Jaebum had worked some sort of weird adulthood mumbo-jumbo that Youngjae doesn’t know how to do yet, and moved Youngjae’s flight back to Florida from Monday night to Saturday morning with minimal issues and price adjustments. He even went above and beyond to make sure their seats were besides one another. On their second to last morning in the hotel, they sleep in, watch some television, and delay the start of the day until almost one in the afternoon.

Hopefully, if Youngjae’s memory serves him correctly, his mother doesn’t get in until almost six o’clock at night. So he and Jaebum have just enough time to get to the apartment and sort through his things. 

It’s correct that his mother isn’t home, but Youngjae isn’t banking on his siblings being there. Don’t they work? Have friends? Doesn’t Jaehyun have a girlfriend?

They’re both there, Minah is watching television and Jaehyun is in his shared room with Youngjae, playing video games. They both stop what they’re doing and immediately become hospitable, smiling at Jaebum. Jaehyun makes some lunch and Minah helps Youngjae sort through his things. It makes Youngjae think of when they were younger, back when they all got along. A relationship that might be coming back, because their unyielding support is evident through the conversations, the interactions. They’re not at all bothered with Youngjae’s relationship with Jaebum. 

Jaehyun’s silence when he first heard it wasn’t from disgust, but because he didn’t know what to do. He apologises for not knowing what words to say and Youngjae just hugs him. They get along well with Jaebum and this eases Youngjae into the day. He realises that the connection he thought he lost with his siblings was never really gone. They still love and support him. 

At approximately 4 o'clock, the front door unlocks and in steps his mother. 

Youngjae jumps with surprise, but moves towards Jaebum with a furious speed, as if he needs to be shielded. As if there's something Youngjae could do if his mother were to react like her ex-husband. He had been silent the first time around, too shocked and hurt to speak up until Jaebum did, displaying fearlessness and level headedness when Youngjae could not. He finds the courage he needs in front of his mother, when he didn't have it at first with his dad. 

Jaebum’s hand immediately reaches for his boyfriends, moving both to comfort and protect. The hairs on the back of his neck stand as he meets with her gaze from across the room.

Soyeon, however, smiles. It's tired, but not because of Jaebum but because of work. It's a tired-because-of-work, smile. Youngjae knows that smile, he's seen it his whole life. 

“Did you come for dinner?”

She hasn't called. She hasn't texted. But she's welcoming and inviting, and the two contradicting actions don't settle well with her son. He doesn't want her to pretend, he wants the truth no matter how daunting it may be. 

Minah places a hand on her brother's shoulder, speaking just loud enough so Jaebum can hear as well, “Please don't be too mad at her. She dealt with dad all these past few days.”

 _Because of you and Jaebum,_ are the words left unsaid.

Instead of feeling the need to be on alert, Youngjae relaxes and looks back at his boyfriend, who wears a remorseful expression similar to Youngjae’s. 

They relax enough to help her out with the groceries and dinner. Soyeon keeps her gaze down until she places a pot of water on the stove. She turns to look at the couple in the room, noticing how they keep a respectful distance, the somber mood hovering in the kitchen dampening down on the way they usually interact with each other. Youngjae is polite, Jaebum makes sure there's an arms distance between the both of them. They don't smile or flirt, slightly stiff in hopes to not make Soyeon uncomfortable. 

She sighs deeply, plugging in the rice cooker. “Darling, you were talking about a boy over Christmas break. Is Jaebum-sshi the boy?” 

Youngjae had shown her a photo, but that was months ago and he doesn't expect her to remember. She's right, of course, and Youngjae nods and pulls out his phone to show her the photo again.

“This is from the spring semester, before we started dating.” 

Soyeon smiles at the photo, gets Jaebum talking about Nora, and Youngjae is so interested in the exchange he doesn't realise that leaving his cell phone in his mother's hand is a bad idea until Jaebum does. Jaebum falters mid-sentence and makes an odd choking noise. He reaches for Youngjae’s phone but stops his hand mid-air. 

Soyeon nearly drops the IPhone, which would only complicate things even further, and covers her mouth as an after-sex selfie fills up the screen as she scrolls.

Jaebum seems to make the final decision: it's okay to rudely snatch the phone away from her if it's to protect her sanity. She nearly shoves it in his hands, anyway.

Youngjae steals the phone from his boyfriend and clutches it to his chest. Then he laughs at his fate and sinks to the floor in defeat. Things were going so _well._

He stays on the floor as Jaebum clears his throat and tries to save the situation. Soyeon stares at him, clearly torn between mother-ing and fussing over the reality of their relationship, or letting it slide. She ends up somewhere in the middle, instead only asking questions that wouldn’t drive her more conservative side off a cliff. She’s trying.

“How long have you two been together?”

It's coming. The Reveal.

“Eight months.” Jaebum tells her.

“What class did you two meet in?” 

Youngjae gets to his feet then, figuring it best if he delivers the news.

“My biology class last spring. Jaebum, um, Jaebum… taught it.”

Soyeon presses her lips together. “Taught it? Are you a TA?” 

“I’m not.” 

The word ‘Professor’ is flashing in her face. She blinks at it. Blinks at it for a little longer.

“Oh. Oh, my God.”

“Yeah? Mom?”

“Oh, my God, you're a _professor._ ”

Minah, who had entered the kitchen in search of food, instead catches a strong whiff of drama and the word ‘professor’ and spins on her heel, exiting as quickly as she had entered. 

“A-are you… does the university know?”

Jaebum shakes his head slowly. “No, only a very few people know.” 

“Like, five. Five people know. And now you.” Youngjae’s hands float in the air around Soyeon, because she seems to be having a hard time processing it. “But now the semester is over and he’s not my professor anymore and we're trying to be really quiet about it because we don't know -”

“Is this allowed?”

Jaebum tries to mellow out the situation with the truth. “I'm not tenured, so, I could possibly get fired. But that's only if we’d done anything unethical, which we’ve been careful of.”

Soyeon nods very slowly. “Okay, well… okay.” 

 

Later at dinner, Minah has to open her mouth. “So, did Youngjae get A’s in your classes?”

Youngjae chokes on his rice while Jaehyun loses his cool as he processes the information being laid out before him - as this is his first time hearing of the professor/student thing. Soyeon watches her daughter and son's boyfriend stare at each other from across the table. Youngjae knows exactly where that question is being taken, because his friends have teased him endlessly about this same exact thing.

Jaebum, very, very carefully, chooses his words while trying not to think of the time they stayed after class to suck each other off at the desk. Sitting at that chair had been very difficult for the rest of the semester. 

“Youngjae is a very dedicated, hard-working student. There were no biases in the classroom.”

Minah grins and Soyeon still doesn't get what's going on. 

Jaehyun is much less elegant, still trying to catch up. “Damn, I should've slept with more professors for A’s.”

Minah cackles and high fives her brother. Jaebum is avoiding Soyeon’s gaze, focusing on trying to pull Youngjae out from underneath the table. He's trying to tie his brothers laces together, accusing him of being a traitor.

~ * ~ * ~

Jaehyun sits in his bed, up against the wall, knees folded to his chest. Jaebum lies in Youngjae’s bed across the room, pointedly ignoring him by playing on his phone.

His current predicament is happening only because Youngjae can’t say no to his mom, and Jaebum can’t say no to Youngjae. Soyeon had insisted and insisted that the couple spend the night. Minah took the couch in the living room, Jaehyun in his own bed, 2Jae in Youngjae’s. The bed in the same room as Jaehyun’s. Jaebum has very little experience with roommates. He's an only child, doesn't remember ever sharing a bed in his life - aside from past relationships, yknow? He had his own bed and room at his grandparents house in Seoul. His only roommate experience is Jinyoung, who he roomed with for the first two years of college. Jinyoung was a perfect roommate; tidy and respectful of space. When he moved out to get an apartment with Mark, Jaebum stayed on campus and slept in a single. He's never had a roommate. Sharing a room with his boyfriend isn't the same. Now he has to share a room with his boyfriends brother. It's for one night, but _still._

“Got siblings?”

Jaebum glances over at Jaehyun. “No.”

“You got tattoos?” 

“Nope.”

“You have a lot of piercings, though.”

“Doesn’t mean I have tattoos.”

“So… _professor_ , huh? A biology professor? You don’t seem to fit the mold of… _biology_ professor.”

Jaebum stops what he's doing and turns towards Jaehyun. Youngjae left them alone to go shower and right now they look very much cat and mouse. Jaehyun plays his part well, curling into a ball on the corner of his bed. Bonding with his boyfriend’s brother is not going too well. 

“Youngjae and I aren't going to try and pull anything with you in the room.”

For a second he relaxes, but Jaehyun tenses again after a moment. “Okay.” but he clearly doesn't believe it. He continues to stare petulantly. 

Jaebum also isn't used to people just entering his room. His parents never bothered him growing up, Jinyoung and his grandparents knocked. But Soyeon and Minah just walk in, getting comfortable in the chair and bed in the room. Jaebum is innerly horrified to realise he's being left alone with Youngjae’s family. 

“How old are you?” Jaehyun asks once everyone has settled in, facing Jaebum as if they're gearing up for an investigation.

“Twenty-eight.”

Jaehyun looks shocked for a moment, and then hes discreetly counting away on his fingers. Jaebum just watches as the other boy tries to figure out how old Youngjae is. It seems like a very sibling to do to forget each other's ages. Minah doesn't offer much help and Soeyon frowns at him.

“How could you forget your younger brother's age?”

“I bet he doesn't know mine.” Minah watches as her brother struggles.

Finally Jaehyun figures it out. “Six and a half years? Ish? That doesn't bother you guys?” 

“Clearly not,”

Minah seems more surprised by this news than Soyeon. “Where are you from?”

“Miami.”

“Do your parents know about Youngjae?”

“Ah, no, I've mentioned a relationship, but haven't given them much else.”

“Oh, are you not close with your parents?”

Jaebum shrugs, watching them carefully. His aloof persona is irking Minah. “I haven’t lived with them since I was fifteen. So, no.”

This brings about a million questions, but the conversation ends when Youngjae enters, flopping down on the bed. He watches his family, confused by their baffled impressions. Jaebum comes off as cold and callous, and they're all a little perplexed by this relationship. 

“Are we all sleeping here?” Youngjae laughs, pulling the covers over his and Jaebum’s legs. He's trying to protect his boyfriend from what is very clearly an interrogation. 

As soon as they're lying together, Youngjae’s family watches as Jaebum’s cold expression melts away. He leans on his elbow, lying on his side while smiling down at Youngjae who's humming a Big Bang song. Minah joins in and Jaebum sings along during the chorus, one hand snaking around Youngjae’s waist.

Soyeon closely watches their interaction, and ushers her daughter from the room so the boys can sleep.

Jaehwan finds it interesting that stone-faced Jaebum calls Youngjae ‘sunshine’, as he lies down to sleep.

~ * ~ * ~

Youngjae knows that everything is going to be okay when his two siblings accompany him and Jaebum to the airport. They exchange heartfelt good-bye’s and pull the two into tight hugs. Soyeon hugs him for a long time and Jaebum just smiles at her, rubbing a comforting hand on her shoulders.

And then she steps to her son and Youngjae can see the waterworks in her eyes,

“Ah, mom, no…”

“My little boy is all grown up.” Soyeon reaches for her son and cups his face, biting back tears. “Going back to your last semester of college… holding a serious relationship…”

Jaehyun elbows his sister, that comment was directed at her. 

“Excelling in all your classes… I knew you could do it.”

Minah gets her revenge and jabs her elbow in Jaehyun’s side. “Yeah, Mr. Almost-flunked-out.” she whispers venomously.

Jaebum moves in to separate the sibling banter.

“I'm so proud of you.” Soyeon caresses her son's face. Her baby. Her youngest. Dating older boys - she hadn't seen boys coming - and finally jumping the nest, in a state that's too far away for her comfort. “You're turning into such a man… When did that happen? How did I miss it? I don't like this.” 

Youngjae laughs a little as she starts crying. How typical. “C’mon, mom, I'll call you every night. I’ll be back for the summer. Please don't cry, it's okay.”

“You'll call me every night?”

“Every single night.”

Jaebum hates to be the one to break up the scene, but the line through TSA is getting longer and longer, and they have less than an hour until boarding. He offers Soyeon another hug, and then a quick kiss on the cheek and she blushes at the sweet gesture, wishing them safe travels.

She waits until her other two children are impatient, until Youngjae and Jaebum are on the other side of the security checkpoint. Youngjae waves to his mom as he slides on his Adidas. He blows her a kiss and she sends him more.

“You and your mom are so cheesy.” Jaebum laughs, but waves back anyway. She blows him kisses and Youngjae urges him to blow one back.

They only walk away when Jaebum accepts his fate and blows her a kiss. Then Youngjae links their arms and walks towards their gate.

Youngjae and Jaebum sit amongst the other travelers. Youngjae dresses simply, jeans and a pink hoodie. Jaebum looks punk rock, as per usual, in heavy boots and a dark blue turtleneck with his studded leather jacket over it.

“I can't wait to get away from the cold.” he says, checking the Florida weather. “I hate snow.”

“Because you're a bummer of a person.”

“Mh-hm,” Jaebum chuckles in response. “A bummer of a person that was going to buy you a salted caramel hot chocolate from that Dunkin over there, but you can forget it now.”

Youngjae swings both arms around Jaebum, now thinking about hot chocolate. “Did I say bummer? I meant… uh, I meant… bum...” 

Jaebum arches an eyebrow at him, waiting as Youngjae tries to think of something else, and he makes a few awful attempts at pretending to save himself.

“Hyung! I want hot chocolate!” he tugs on Jaebum’s sleeve and does his best puppy pout. When that clearly doesn't break through stone-hearted Jaebum’s walls, he opts for the ridiculous puppy look (that Jackson calls The Otter) that bends Jackson and Bambam to his will every time. And it seems to work, since Jaebum can no longer hide a smile, tucking his phone away.

“I can't believe you're the same person that gave Cody a black eye.”

“Oh, we're still talking about that?” 

“Until I die.” Jaebum leaves him with a sweet kiss, and comes back with a sweet treat. There's no whipped cream on it, and when Youngjae stares accusingly, Jaebum mumbles against the lid of his coffee cup, “You don’t deserve whipped cream. Because of your weak ass save.”

Youngjae feigns hurt and slumps in his seat. “A bummer, you are.” 

Jaebum retaliates by grabbing his sides where he's most ticklish and Youngjae almost spills hot chocolate all over himself. He laughs and laughs, causing a ruckus in the airport. But he isn’t embarrassed for long, because Jaebum drops his hands to rest them on Youngjae’s waist instead, smiling fondly at him. Youngjae melts.

“I have one more thing for you.” Jaebum nearly whispers, reaching up to stroke Youngjae’s cheek with his thumb. It’s beyond innocent but way too intimate for such a public setting, and Youngjae’s cheeks flare up even though he can’t get himself to move away. 

“I wasn’t sure when to give it to you.” Jaebum says, voice still quiet, nearly drowning underneath the chatter of the airport.

It could be a million things. It could be a million dumb things. Jaebum’s gift still ends up being the last thing expected. It’s a key. Attached is a small, circular silver plate hanging from it. Engraved in it is JB. Engraved in Jaebum’s - Youngjae nearly cries when he realizes Jaebum got them couple keychains - is YJ.

“Is this…” Youngjae closes his fingers around the key, its’ ridges digging into his palm. “Is this what I think it is?”

“It’s a key to my apartment.” Jaebum isn’t shy or reserved. He tucks his finger underneath Youngjae’s chin to meet their gazes. Too bad they’re in public, because Youngjae would jump him. Jump him and cry. 

Too bad they’re in public, because Youngjae feels like a moron sitting in the airport, sobbing into his boyfriend’s chest over a key and keychain set. This is a step in their relationship that he is too happy over to properly form words. Instead, he cries, overwhelmed. 

The two of them are going _home._

~ * ~ * ~ 

Knowing that his family knows while they still love and support him, makes Youngjae’s life a little easier. He isn’t afraid to walk with Jaebum on campus now, and they walk with their pinkies linked, loose and casual. When he stops by to see Jaebum in his office, they aren’t afraid to share a parting kiss. Having Soyeon’s approval is not the same as the university’s approval, but they’re nearing the end of the semester, getting farther and farther away from the semester they had together while moving closer to a place where this will be acceptable.

During finals week, Youngjae sits in the library with Bambam and Alice, some girl in Bam’s Social Psych class that he has to do a presentation with. She’s a sweet girl with purple hair and round glasses.

Alice buys them all coffee from the off-campus coffee shop, it’s better than the on campus one and they sit in the library hunched over books and a shared piled of highlighters in every color.

Youngjae, with a tired brain, takes a small break and scrolls through his phone to check the messages from his sister, Jackson, and checks Instagram. While he’s distracted with distracting himself from studies, someone plops into the chair at his side and Bambam greets them cheerfully.

“Hey, man! What’s up?”

It’s assumed to be Jackson, until the figure leans closer to loom over Youngjae’s shoulder and peer at his newsfeed, and Alice speaks out curiously at the interaction between student and professor.

“Professor Im…?”

Youngjae looks up to see that it’s Jaebum at his side. But Jaebum is facing away, smiling at Alice. A girl with purple hair is hard to forget, but Alice had him years ago as a freshman with blond hair. He doesn’t remember her, but acts as if they were catching up.

Small touches have become the norm between them. Jaebum sits facing Youngjae, his arm braced against the back of Youngjae’s seat while talking to Bambam and Alice. Even as Youngjae sighs at his phone and leans over, resting his head against Jaebum’s square chest, it’s only Alice that seems fazed, halting briefly in her conversation. Youngjae waits patiently for Jaebum to exchange words with his friends, waves as Jackson and Lucas meet up with them and pull up chairs. But Jaebum can’t stay long since he has a meeting to get to. He drops the arm he has poised on Youngjae’s chair to instead loop it around his shoulders. Youngjae tips his head back to look up at his boyfriend.

“I have to get going.” Jaebum smiles at him, a hand brushing his hair behind his ears. “Will I see you tonight?”

Youngjae nods and places his phone down. He takes his now free hand and places it against Jaebum’s cheek, pulling away only slightly so he can crane his neck while leading Jaebum’s face closer to his. They kiss in the middle of the library. They kiss with all their friends staring at them. They kiss with the group of Professor Im’s current students staring at him from a few tables over. 

They kiss because it’s the week before finals, because Youngjae has to have his room packed up by next Friday and that means that it’s been a whole semester since he stopped being his student.

They kiss because no one gives a shit about their relationship anymore.

They’ve waited long enough.

“I’ll see you tonight.” Youngjae smiles as they break apart. “Will you pick me up after class?”

“Around six.”

Youngjae’s giddy, kissing Jaebum one last time. A staff member eyes them from a distance as professors start to trickle in through the library for the meeting Jaebum has to rush off to attend. 

“Okay, see you at six.”

Jaebum runs his fingers once more through Youngjae’s hair and slides away, meeting with a professor by the doors to the conference hall. She spares Youngjae a glance, exchanges a quick whisper with her faculty member, and seems appeased with whatever it is that Jaebum tells her. She doesn’t even glance back over her shoulder, and Jackson is nearly climbing into Youngjae’s chair to hug him.

“Shit, I’m so _happy_ for you two.” He says, pressing his cheek against Youngjae’s. 

“Right? It’s about time you guys can be public.” Bambam laughs, looking back down at his notes. 

The day carries on after that, worry-free

~ * ~ * ~

They put dinner plans on hold because Youngjae would rather climb into Jaebum’s lap, first. Something about the excitement of being out together spikes his arousal and he’s clingy to the point where not even Jaebum can handle it. He’s styling his hair in the bathroom, leaning over the sink to get a little closer to the mirror and Youngjae slumped against his back. He should’ve known that Youngjae’s silence was a sign, and the way he fiddled with the hem of Jaebum’s shirt meant he was antsy. Antsy in a good way, in Jaebum’s opinion.

“What’s the matter?” Jaebum teases, eyes locking with Youngjae’s conflicted gaze through the mirror.

Youngjae shrugs dramatically. “I don’t know.”

“Are you nervous?”

“God, no.”

“So then why are you fidgeting?”

Youngjae shrugs multiple times, sighing and rubbing his face into Jaebum’s back. He mumbles _because I’m horny_ and it’s just loud enough that Jaebum hears it. But he’s smirking, wanting to hear it again.

“What was that?”

Youngjae mumbles again, a little louder.

“I’m sorry?”

Youngjae twists the fabric of Jaebum’s shirt so hard it wrinkles. How does he manage to be so adorable at a time like this? Jaebum is torn between spinning around and grabbing him or letting him suffer a little more. He waits as he thinks it out, what would be more fun? They wanted to get in another date before Youngjae left for the summer. But Jaebum wouldn’t mind being a little late to dinner if he got Youngjae as dessert first.

Youngjae wraps his arms a little tighter around Jaebum’s waist, pressing his jaw into Jaebum’s neck, obstructing the view of his reflection. Jaebum chuckles, Youngjae’s breath warm against his neck.

“I want you to fuck me.”

Jaebum’s hands falter through his hair and he tugs particularly hard on a styled curl of his bangs.

Youngjae stayed buried in his shoulder but he lifts his head just enough so his heated glare is staring at him, over his broad shoulders.

“Hyung, I’m so hard right now.” And he dips his hips forward, proving his point by digging his erection into Jaebum’s thigh.

Jaebum grins. God, Youngjae’s gotten so much bolder. He turns around in his hold, and as Youngjae cranes in for a kiss, he’s halted with a finger to his lips. Youngjae’s look is murderous, giving Jaebum shivers.

“Don’t you want to eat?”

Youngjae checks the time on Jaebum’s watch. “We never made reservations. We don’t need reservations. Let’s get a late dinner.”

“You’re not hungry?”

In a _very_ unexpected turn of events, Jaebum is knocked off his high horse and left choking on his own spit as Youngjae parts his lips and _sucks_ Jaebum’s finger into his mouth. His fingers reach up to curl around Jaebum’s wrist, holding him in place as he licks him. Youngjae gains control of the situation with his tongue and mouth,

“I’m _really_ hungry.”

“ _Fuck_ , Youngjae.”

Youngjae’s eyes flutter as he pulls Jaebum’s finger from his mouth. “Uh, yeah.”

He loses control of the situation almost immediately then. Jaebum would describe himself as a rational kind of guy that wields great control over himself - hell, he had managed to keep his hands to himself during all their tutoring sessions. If Youngjae hadn’t made the first move, he would’ve never. But when this needy side of Youngjae comes out he doesn’t have to have control. Youngjae is most desirable when he’s into it, and hell, he can get into it. Youngjae’s reckless. Jaebum feeds off it. Everything after that is amazing.

So _fuck_ dinner plans.

They make it to the bedroom in record speed, toppling over with laughs and a clatter of teeth as they knock together. Youngjae runs his fingers through Jaebum’s beautiful ruby red hair, tugging roughly on the hairs on the back of his head. The action earns a loud groan and a bite to his lower lip. Jaebum kisses him like he’s trying to bruise his mouth. He might be. They lick into each other’s mouths, lick at their necks, collarbones, and pull on clothes. Jaebum’s sweater gets stuck on his belt, Youngjae wants to leave his socks on and gets called a weirdo.

They go from hot and fast to hot and slow, the passion simmering now instead of bubbling over. Youngjae touches Jaebum’s skin, enjoys the slopes of his shoulders and biceps, the curve of his back. Goosebumps trail on the skin that’s grazed by his fingertips and elicits soft moans that he swallows up. Jaebum twirls his hair with his fingers. He moves from his mouth to his jaw, his earlobe, his neck, his collarbones. 

Youngjae’s eyes flutter as Jaebum travels lower, hands slipping into his hair, cradling the back of his head. Jaebum teases and Youngjae _enjoys_. He cards his fingers through short hair, spreads his legs as Jaebum’s mouth trails along his thighs, as strong hands cup the softness there. Jaebum mumbles praises into his skin and the bed of curls around his leaking cock. He licks up the shaft in a way that’s way too wet and way too lewd, putting on a show because he likes going down on Youngjae. He likes the way Youngjae loses himself, how he bends pliantly. 

There’s a brief pause before he takes Youngjae into his mouth, locking their heated gazes, swallowing down as much as he can at once and Youngjae’s fingers tighten in his hair, his voice cracks. It doesn’t take much practice, Jaebum’s working Youngjae quickly to his orgasm, running his tongue over the ridges and the vein, applying pressure and he sucks him off. Jaebum can’t help it when he wraps a hand around his own neglected cock.

Jaebum knows Youngjae’s getting close when his heels drag up and down against the mattress, when his eyes screw shut, when he screams his boyfriend’s name. Jaebum swallows his orgasm, sucks on him until Youngjae’s swatting him away; sensitive, pushing him away but still wanting him close. They lie against each other, Jaebum on top until Youngjae rolls them over, slotting his hips between Jaebum’s. Jaebum groans at the pressure against his still hard dick, fluttering his eyes shut as Youngjae kisses down his neck, licks at his chest and trails back up to tease with his tongue. Youngjae’s always wanted to marr Jaebum’s soft skin, and he does, leaving red marks all over Jaebum’s neck, his chest, while gingerly wrapping his hand around Jaebum’s dick.

He listens to the noises that slip from Jaebum’s red, slick lips. Jaebum’s hands are all over; his shoulders, his back, his ass. And Youngjae loves the shit outta it.

Just as he latches onto Jaebum’s neck, on a spot behind his ear that Jaebum has to roll his head to the side for, Youngjae digs his thigh in between Jaebum’s legs. Desire bubbles under his skin as Youngjae applies more pressure with his thigh, quickens the pace of his fist, as Jaebum’s groans become deeper, more guttural, vibrations crawling underneath Youngjae’s skin. 

Youngjae pleads, “Fuck me.” 

Jaebum’s hands slip into his hair.

“Please, hyung.” Youngjae’s arousal is kicking back, hands shaking. He rolls over and Jaebum gets on top, hovering over the other. 

Jaebum’s gaze is hungry, Youngjae’s is hooded and dark, pleading. He’s only vaguely aware of the way his parted lips and desperate pants for air are enough to make Jaebum mad. 

They waste no time in prepping him, Jaebum sliding two long, lubed fingers into him, working him until he’s panting and swearing. Jaebum drags slowly because he likes hearing Youngjae whine.

Jaebum slides in when Youngjae’s ready, when his eyes are wet and sweat runs down his face. When Jaebum can feel those beautiful thighs quivering around his hand. And he holds steady until Youngjae tells him to move with just his gaze and a tongue swipe against his reddened lips. So Jaebum moves back, slides in and out, picking up the pace with each thrust. Jaebum cradles the back of Youngjae’s head with one hand, the other hand pressing around Youngjae’s neck. His eyes fly open at the initial pleasure but then he arches, nearly sobbing and screwing his eyes shut. Youngjae’s half-hard again, dick bouncing between their bellies, his legs balanced around bouncing hips. Jaebum is careful with his grip when he applies more pressure, watching the way Youngjae’s lips part, feeling the way he hardens between their bellies.

“Y-yes, _please_.”

The more his back bows the closer he is, blunt nails trailing down Jaebum’s side, digging into his shoulders, panting erratic and meeting with Jaebum’s thrusts against his prostate. But this has become less of Jaebum trying to read Youngjae’s expressions and body mannerisms and more or less just the two of them fucking to their orgasm, Jaebum’s hand falling off his neck. He never holds on for too long.

Youngjae slides a hand between their bodies and he fists himself until they get there within only moments of each other, head fuckin swarmed incoherently, the heat inside them rising to a fever at its’ peak, and then blissing out.

They’re sweaty. They’re exhausted. They’re covered in cum. They’re no longer dinner appropriate.

But Jaebum still wants to take his boyfriend out. Their relationship has officially made it past the days of careful planning and sneaking around campus buildings. So they’re going out. Besides, good sex makes him hungry. And sex with Youngjae is always good. Jaebum’s never been shy with his sexcapades, but even vanilla sex or just a handjob, is infinitely better than anything he’s ever done with anything else before. Maybe it’s the love talking.

They clean up with a damp towel, Jaebum gives up on his hair and puts on a hat. Youngjae tries and manages to clean himself up, pulling his tight jeans back on and a loose button down. 

Once they’re ready again, Youngjae grabs the motorcycle helmets hanging from the front door while Jaebum kisses Nora goodbye. 

“Where do you want to go?” Youngjae pats himself down for his wallet and things.

“Wherever, what are you in the mood for?”

Their plans are halted when Youngjae swings the front door open and there’s a person there, hand poised mid air as they were about to knock. Youngjae stares at the woman with grey hair, a small frame and pretty lips. Jaebum’s chin. Youngjae glances at the man at her side, a stocky guy with Jaebum’s nose.

Oh, _shit._

“Mom?” Jaebum squeaks in horror. “Dad?”

Mom grins. Slowly. Recognition blooms over her expression comically, and she all but shreiks in glee when all the dots in her head connect.

“ _You_ must be _Youngjae_!”

Oh, she knows his _name_.

“What a darling boy!” 

There are hands on Youngjae’s face. They’re her hands, cupping his face and angling him downwards. Damn, she’s short. Damn, Jaebum’s dad is short. Where’d his height come from?

From the corner of his eye, Nora zooms across the living room and bolts into the bedroom. Probably to hide in the closet. Which only edges Youngjae’s nerves even more. Nora’s a grumpy cat but she’s not one to hide. She’ll claw and fight back with everyone else (especially Jackson, who’s been here a few times and has already made enemies with her.)

“Mom, please.” Jaebum tries to gently push her away, but she’s not having it.

“You’re the cutest thing. Wow, honey, I’m so glad. I’m so, _so,_ glad you found someone.” 

Someone so _polished_ , her look says, as she takes in the sight of Youngjae’s refined look; a button down and jeans without holes. 

Polished expect for, you know, the fact that he likes it when Jaebum wraps his hands around his neck during sex. He tries not to look at Jaebum from across the room, because he's thinking the same thing, smirking smugly.

“This hair color is so nice on you.” She’s made her way into the apartment now, leaving a very awkward father and son by the doorway, and runs her fingers through Youngjae’s caramel hair. 

“Um - uh, Bambam did it for me.”

“This Bambam person knows what he's doing, hm? You’re a very handsome young boy.”

“Erm, thanks.” Youngjae tries to look over his shoulder, but Jaebum’s mom is pulling him back to face her. 

“Jaebum has been mentioning a boyfriend but hasn’t been really been giving us details, or specifics.”And she gushes, asks where he’s from, what he’s doing all the way in Florida, what he does for work. His answer surprises her. A part-timer at the mall? He doesn’t have a full time job?

“Ah, uh, no. I’m starting an internship in the fall.” An internship Jinyoung had snapped his fingers and found for the student. Youngjae still doesn’t know how he’s going to pay Jinyoung back for the opportunity of a lifetime.

“Oh.” Jaebum’s mom doesn’t seem to be understanding.

From a few over, Jaebum’s father makes an odd noise. “Son,” But he doesn’t say it in an affectionate way. He’s demanding respect with just one word, one tone, and Youngjae also feels like he’s telling him to straighten his shoulders. So he does. “How old are you?”

“Twenty… uh, twenty-one.”

Jaebum’s mom all but screams. Again. “He’s a _student_?!”

It’s assumed that she’s going to snap, she’s going to freak out. She’s going to call the Dean of the University. Youngjae knows that Jaebum’s parents don’t play a large part in his life. He goes away for weekends sometimes to see them, texts his mom occasionally, but Youngjae’s much closer with his own family. There’s a visible disconnect that Jaebum has with his parents. Probably from when they sent him away. 

Youngjae has a hard time imagining that this woman sent her son away for being gay. Jaebum’s mother is sweetly adoring and doting. His father hasn’t said more than a few words and grunts since he entered but he doesn’t seem like a bad man. The contrast between Professor Im and JB makes a lot of sense when looking at his parents. But they’re not condescending. They’re not rejecting him.

“Oh, my goodness. How did you two manage to keep it a secret? Oh, honey,” She’s looking at her son but she’s petting Youngjae’s head. It’d be rude to step away, so he lets her pat him. “That must’ve been so hard on you two. Is this why you never mentioned him much? I understand. I’m sorry I got so mad at you.”

Jaebum puts his motorcycle helmet down. They’re not going out anymore.

“It’s okay, ma.”

And his mother turns to Youngjae, fussing over his hair that she messed up. “Does he care for you? Does he treat you right? Didn’t I raise my son to be an amazing man?”

Youngjae wants to hug and kiss her. For being supportive. For being friendly. For being welcoming. For being Jaebum’s mom.

“Yeah, he’s _alright_.”

Marcie, as he later finds out is her name, pulls him into a hug. “Let’s order take-out. I want to hear how you guys met.”

They met because Youngjae’s a self-discovered horndog and popped a boner upon first glance, but that’s a minor detail that he’ll leave out of the story. Jaebum will remind him about it later, after his parents have left and they’re lying naked in bed together.

For now though, Youngjae charms the shit out Jaebum’s parents without even trying.

~ * ~ * ~

The summer breezes by, the first half spent in Massachusetts with his family, and the second half spent in Florida. With Jaebum. In his apartment. Youngjae all but lives there, and feels awkward getting back on campus for his last year. He has a totally new roommate, some guy that’s a grade beneath him. They get along fine, but they’re only going to be living together for four months. Besides Youngjae rarely spends any time there. All his things are at Jaebum’s. His clothes are folded in the bottom dresser of the bureau in Jaebum’s bedroom. Their shampoos and and conditioners stand side by side in the bathroom. Their toothbrushes share a cup on the bathroom sink. They share toothpaste, mouthwash, take turns doing the dishes and evenly divide up chores.

On some nights, Jaebum goes over his syllabus and assignments while Youngjae fills out paperwork for his internship, the two of them sitting side by side on the couch. On some mornings, Youngjae gets up and leaves Jaebum in bed to go to work. Sometimes it’s the opposite. Sometimes they sleep in together. 

Youngjae even gets a letter in his name addressed to the apartment. His heart wrenches when he sees his name printed above Jaebum’s address - as if it were _their_ address. It’s just a birthday card from his mom, but, shit, if it doesn’t make Youngjae nervous.

Everything about their situation screams _living together._

Jackson spends his last semester with Lucas as a roommate, who still has another year to go. Lucas goes home every other weekend and Youngjae crashes there on those weekends, sleeping in Lucas’s bed. The guy doesn’t use it much, anyway, he and Jackson sleep together. Bambam and Yugyeom remain in their campus dorm room. They talk about off campus housing. They talk about getting a three bedroom, Bambam and Yugyeom, Jackson and Lucas, and Youngjae.

Youngjae brings it up to Jaebum one night. It’s a week into his internship and he’s already smoothing into it. They’re talking about work, Youngjae remembers an assignment he had forgotten about, and remembers Jackson telling him about off-campus housing.

Jaebum peels his attention away from the television, munching happily on his pizza. “You’d move out at the end of the semester?”

“Well, after this semester I won’t be a student anymore, so I can’t live on campus. I want to stay here… in Florida… with you. I don’t want to go back to Massachusetts anymore. Besides, I got the internship.” He taps at his paperwork. His work shirt hangs off the front door.

“I don’t see the point in off-campus housing though.” Jaebum says after a moment’s thought. “You already have your things here, you already have a key. You know my home is yours, babe.”

Youngjae is seated now facing him, shoulders tight and fingers fiddling in his lap. 

“What are you saying?”

Jaebum turns off the television. Sets his food down. Says, “Youngjae,” in a tone that means they’re about to discuss something heavy. Youngjae’s heart is jackhammering in his chest. The press of Jaebum’s eyebrows worry him.

“Yeah?”

“Listen, Youngjae-yah, you practically live here. If you wanted to make this official, I’m ready for that. If you think you’re not, then I think off-campus housing would be ideal. You can live with your friends and still be with me.”

Youngjae’s heart is speeding away, leaving him lightheaded and breathless. “You want me… to move in with you? Like, officially?”

“We’ve been playing house since you got here in July. It’s already been three months. I already feel like it’s _our_ home.”

Youngjae’s breath stops in his throat. He doesn’t know what words to use, his brain falling useless. His tongue stops working in his mouth. How does he explain that nothing else would make him happier? How does he explain that this is all he wants? To come home to Jaebum?

“You’ve already found an internship here, in Florida. There’s no point in you leaving until your year is up. There’s no point in you going back to Massachusetts - or, well,” Jaebum rubs at the back of his neck. “Unless you’d like to go back and be with your family, since that was your original plan. But you said that’s not your plan anymore. And you can really make a life here, with me. If that’s what you’d want. I know I do.”

“I want to.” Youngjae blurts.

Jaebum meets his gaze.

“I really want to live with you.” He says it a little slower, with just as much feeling.

Jaebum’s smile lights up his whole fucking life. It gives him the strength he needs to haul himself through the last few weeks of his last semester from hell, trying to balance life, classwork and an internship. “I’d like that, sunshine.”

~ * ~ * ~

His graduation cap keeps falling to the side and isn’t at all surprised that Bambam seems to magically conjure up bobby pins from his skinny-ass pants. He’s trying to stand in place while digging through his pockets, trying to find his blaring cell phone.

It’s Soyeon and she’s upset. 

_“I called you three times!”_

Youngjae gets bumped by another student, mumbling ‘sorry’ half-heartedly as he steps away from a screaming Jackson, who almost just got poked in the eye by one of Bambam’s bobby pins.

“If you’d just _sit still_!” Bambam shouts back.

 _“Where are you?”_ His mother’s voice pulls him from the disaster that is his friends.

“Outside the student center.” Youngjae cranes in search of his family. “I’m by the bench!” 

_“Dude,”_ It’s Minah. _“We don’t know where the bench is. Where the hell is - oh, I see you.”_

Youngjae hangs up on his sister and smiles as his mother comes and hugs him, crying over his gown. She gushes over the occasion, as if Youngjae weren’t the only one graduating today, crying and patting down his gown. He might die underneath it. It’s so _hot_. 

“Where’s Jaebum?” Jaehyun asks before Youngjae even turns to him. He gets a frown thrown in his direction - Youngjae hadn’t realized his brother had connected with his boyfriend like that. According to Jaebum, their encounters had been stiff and awkward back in Massachusetts.

“He hasn’t shut-up about Jaebum since you guys left after spring break.” Minah rolls her eyes. “He may have fallen in love with Jaebum as soon as we figured out he isn't a total hardass.”

Jaehyun purposefully ignores her, the tips of his ears turning red.

“Jaebum’s inside.” Youngjae digs through his over-sized gown for his cell phone. “He and Mark are handing out certificates for the Science majors. And Jinyoung’s gonna be -”

“Who are these people? More professors?” Soyeon asks, trying to soak in the last bit of her son’s exciting, forbidden romance. 

“Ah, yeah.” Youngjae manages to pull through the gown, fishing out his cell phone. “Professor Park is psychology and Professor Tuan is Bio-Chem. They’re Jaebum’s friends. Oh -” speaking of friends. “Do you want to meet Jackson, Bam, and Yugyeom?”

Soyeon has heard all (or so she thinks) the stories of Youngjae’s roommates, but she’s never met them. She knows the part that these boys play in her son’s life, and can barely contain herself as she’s introduced to the three. Jackson has his cap pinned to his blond hair now - sideways because he’s _different_ \- and Bambam is wielding a pencil eyeliner.

“Where are you pulling these things from?!” Jackson yells as he’s pushed into a cross-legged seating position on the pavement. Bambam kneels in front of him and grabs at his face, telling him to accept fate. Then he points to Youngjae. “You’re next.” And twists the cap off the makeup pen.

Soyeon takes a million photos and blends in well with the group, fawning over her graduating son and his adorable friends. She doesn’t blink as Yugyeom is introduced as Bambam’s boyfriend. She’s ecstatic to meet Lucas. And things are all fine and dandy until Jackson’s parents show up. It takes all of ten minutes before they’re making some sort of pact to be friends forever. Not that Youngjae and Jackson don’t already have one of their own.

Youngjae loves this group; his best friends being clowns together, parents trying not to cry together, his siblings including themselves in the banter. It’s been a long four years, and he’s so happy that they’re here all together, celebrating this together. 

He wishes Jaebum were here.

And his prayers are answered when there’s an arm around his waist and familiar lips against his. _Very_ familiar lips, and he smiles into the kiss, the buzz of his graduating class fading into the background.

“I’m so proud of you.”

Jaebum’s red hair is bright in the sunlight, and Youngjae smiles at him, leaning in for another kiss. “Thanks, hyung.”

He pulls away to see his mother smiling at him from the other side of the camera. “Why are you taking pictures of us kissing?! What are you going to do with them?!” His mother just grins, poises her camera, and Jaebum wraps both arms around his boyfriend, smiling for a photo. Youngjae demands they take another one that he can pose for, because knowing his mother, it’s going up on the wall somewhere in the house.

“It’s your turn.” Bambam says from the ground, releasing Jackson. He looks gorgeous with the smudged kohl. Even his mother is excited by the look. “So say your good-bye’s. Sorry, Professor Im, Youngjae’s mine now.”

Jaebum steals one more kiss and Youngjae sits. Yugyeom hovers, but doesn’t touch. Don’t disturb the makeup artist.

Youngjae appreciates the view of Jaebum from here; the sleek dress pants that pull around his thighs, his ass. His shirt is ruched just a bit at the waist, accentuating the thinness of his torso and the expanse of his strong shoulders. He has his hair pushed back, the hard lines of his face curved beautiful in the sunlight.

Yeah, even after a year, Youngjae’s arousal is all for that.

“Shit, stop ogling.” Bambam complains, fingers too close to Youngjae’s eyeballs. “Close your fuckin’ eyes before you end up with ink in them.”

Youngjae closes his eyes and listens to the chatter. Listens to Yugyeom laugh at Jaebum’s stupid jokes, listens to the way Jackson’s laughter splinters through the commotion, the way his mother and siblings have a hundred questions for Youngjae’s boyfriend and friends. He doesn’t listen to the chatter around them, doesn’t bother with the other graduating students. He hears Mark and Jinyoung’s voices and loves how Jaebum introduces them as his best friends. It’s adorable.

It hasn’t really struck him yet. He’s graduating. _Graduation_. What does that mean to him at this point? Aside from Jaebum, aside from moving into Jaebum’s apartment officially, what is the next step for him? No more books. No more late nights. No more McDonald’s runs at 3am with Jackson when he’s supposed to be dieting. It’s a little bittersweet.

It means longer shifts at work, beating his ass up at the internship to impress his bosses in hopes it turns into a full-time gig. 

Bambam’s fingers graze against his eyebrows as he smudges the makeup around Youngjae’s eyes. Steady. Focused on making his friend look his best.

Youngjae feels two bodies sit at his side. Jaebum and Mark. Because Mark wants his makeup done, too. Youngjae knows that there are two others kneeling beside Bambam. Jackson and Yugyeom.

Jinyoung’s laughter floats in through the air and it’s even more comforting than the breeze that’s stifled against his heavy gown.

Bambam finishes the eye makeup, and his beautiful smile is a wonderful sight to open eyes to.

“Awesome. You look great. Professor Tuan, do you want me to -”

“Just call me Mark.” Mark smiles, looking dapper as hell in his trimmed suit. “Can you do a little for me?”

Bambam moves over to cradle Mark’s chin in his fingers, studying his face between instructing him to close his eyes. They don’t look like professor and student here. They look like friends. And they all are.

Jaebum hooks an arm around his boyfriend and leans against him, smiling. “I like it. You look hot.”

Youngjae laughs and swats him away. “Don’t call me hot in front of my mom! That’s weird.”

“Fine.” Jaebum mouths an apology to Soyeon and she just laughs. “You look _cute_.” 

Jaebum leans in to kiss him, refreshing in the burning Florida sun. Refreshing in the mass of students. Youngjae pulls away not because it’s not allowed anymore, but because he’s kind of shy, and kissing with such passion in front of others makes him a little flustered. 

But Jaebum leans in again, saying that he loves him with a press of lips instead of his words. Jackson and Jinyoung tease. Lucas and Yugyeom glance at each other from the sidelines.

Youngjae’s going to walk across that rickety stage and receive an expensive piece of paper. He’s going to hang it up in the living room in the wooden frame he doesn’t know that Jaebum bought for him yet. This whole group of people are going to meet and MarkJin’s later for dinner. Graduation isn’t the end. Youngjae will be calling Jackson at three in the morning for the rest of his life. Bambam will rush over whenever he’s needed. Yugyeom will eventually turn twenty-one and they’ll hit up bars together.

And way later in the evening, after everyone is back at their own places, his family back at their hotel, Jaebum and Youngjae are going to grill pineapples on the porch and kiss under the moonlight. Because even though everything about his life and relationships are changing, Youngjae knows that he and Jaebum are going to be fine. They’ve learned so much together and they’ll continue to learn, continue to face new obstacles. They’re ready for the real world. 

(“Hey, my parents are coming over tomorrow for lunch.”

Youngjae slowly turns towards his boyfriend, jaw slack. “But… my family is going to be here.”

“Yeah, and we have to tell them you’re moving in.”

“Oh, God.”

“What?”

“Our parents are going to _meet_. We’re going to _die._ Your dad is probably going to make Jaehyun do push-ups and my sister has a problem with authority and your dad is an ex- _cop_ -”

Jaebum throws his head back and laughs, picking a pineapple piece from the grill and shoving it into Youngjae’s mouth.

“Shut up. We’ll be fine.”)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gotdamn this was not supposed to be this long. thank you to everyone that reads this! leave your comments and thoughts and questions! i hope this wrapped up everything i wanted to get across ~
> 
> come talk to me on twitter! @magalix3 i spaz a lot and i do try to talk to everyone. love you all! see you soon!
> 
>  
> 
> and, i haven't stopped thinking about youngjae smashing the glass with the hammer? i'm w r e c k e d


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